8-ish things I've learnt from my relationship

I should probably start by saying this isn't a Lent blog. So if you are expecting butterflies instead I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that will be written some point this week don't worry.

This blog started as a throw away comment to a friend after another all-to-regular phone call about my car accident about 18 months ago. My friend commented I was being amazingly patient, so I replied 'I was well practiced and that maybe I could blog, "how not having sex helps me put up with repetitive phone calls."'

You'll notice that is not what this blog is called but its where I started.

Let's start with some confessions.

• As usual I don't have answers, just more questions. But I hope to share some of my wisdom I've learnt along the way.
• Me and Boyfriend have been together 64 months and 2days today, that’s almost 5 and a half years.
• I'm a virgin. As is Boyfriend.
• There are probably many complex and deep reasons for the choices and decisions Boyfriend and I have made along the way that have got us to this point. I am by no means going to go into all of those, but here are a few things I've learnt, or what I think about things.

The L word is a big deal.

I blogged on this recently. This first time it's said it is a big deal, but it should continue to be. 'I love you' should be said as often as possible and with feeling. It doesn't have to be those exact words. For example when my dad calls me plonker at the end of a phone conversation I know he loves me.

Rules and boundaries make everything simpler in the long run

You may laugh but Boyfriend and I have a number of rules that make life simpler. Some are practical way of working long distance - if a phone call gets cut off for some reason the person who made the initial phone call is the one who rings again. The same works for setting physical boundaries - if you make them beforehand you don't end up being very confused and both getting each other's answer phone.

The important part is the communication to check rules still work. Early on it was easier to change rules, now it sometimes seems we do things because 5 years ago we thought it was a good idea. At the beginning we looked at what was ok for us then, and what we thought would be ok when we were engaged and then when married. I don't think 20 year old me thought we wouldn't be married by 25, but here we are. So revisiting rules and checking why we think and do or don't do certain things is important.

Love languages are so important

Having come across GaryChapman's love languages many years ago now, I think they show a lot about how we interact. The 5 languages are; touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time. Knowing both your own and that of your partner is vital to a healthy and stable love life.

Getting involved in their world

Trust is such an important part of any relationship. It can be more difficult in long distance. Jealously is something I've had to learn to deal with. Boyfriend has close female friends, one of the silly examples of when I've been jealous for no reason was just before my 21st birthday when Boyfriend was late home and I complained, only to find out, later, his friend was helping him print, cut and place the photo that lives in my locket I got for that birthday from Boyfriend.

My advice is become a part of their world; meet their friends, get to visit the places they spend their time, so you can picture where they are. Part of it may have been for selfish reasons, to warn others off, but mostly about seeing your partner in all that they are.

Patience is key

When people talk to me about patience, they sometimes mean sex, which I'll come to, but actually it's about other things for me. Waiting for Boyfriend to propose so I we can plan myour wedding. At the moment it's the living together that I'm wanting, someone to cook for, someone to come home to.

Long distance in itself teaches a lot about patience. We have been known to go up to eight (well somewhere between six and 10 we can’t actually remember) weeks without seeing each other face to face - technology obviously helps, but as touch is the primary love language for both of us, a skype chat, though lovely, is not a cuddle.

So I've learnt to be patient.

To answer my throw away comment, long distance, not waiting, is what has taught me most about patience.

Then there is sex

My mum's version of sex ed as I was growing up was "you'll wait till you're married won't you." It certainly wasn't really a question. So very early on, maybe even just before we actually got together we decided we'd wait till we got married to have sex. That was our decision for what was best for us. We have many friends who have taken different stances on this, and if that works for them then what does that have to do with anyone else. Though you are the one who's got this far in what is a very self indulgent blog about my relationship.

Maybe it's because I'm female, because I've had friends who are amazed Boyfriend has survived this long.

We aren't having sex because it's not important,  but because it is.

Maybe it's a pride thing now.

Being the good kids in a culture saturated with sex, is not always easy. But for us I think it's worthwhile. Part of  the decision is based on the belief that sex belongs in marriage. Yes the Bible teaches about adultery, which I read as sex should be within a union between two people, which is preferably marriage.

My view on marriage

For me, marriage is a journey, and on that journey different things are right at different times. In Doctor Who, the Doctor and River Song's lives are going in opposite directions. His first kiss is her last. After that in her lifetime was before that in his, so it was too early for him to kiss her.

Sex is an important part of the marriage relationship, and it has to start at some point. Facebook tells almost all of my friends, and man acquaintances that I'm in a relationship, a wedding will actually show less people my declaration of love for Boyfriend. But it's about the promises, to one other person forever,  in front of God.

In the same way we don't live together, and even when we did it was only for 3 months and we had separate space. Though to go off on that tangent, I understand the try before you buy mentality. When boyfriend moved in it was a decision and a balance between ethics and ideals with practicalities. It's good to know we can cope being in the same house though. 

Marriage is the whole package. Linking body, mind, soul, and bank account. Its making the decisions together, having someone to snuggle up with and watch a film after a rough day and someone to fall asleep in the arms of..

My last piece of advice if you can call any of this that, is be yourselves.

Be true to you and your relationship.

Selfish Marriage?

This morning I read a blog about marriage by Dr Kelly Flanagan. Which can be read here. It started me thinking.

It should come as no surprise to most of you that I am a bit marriage obsessed. I use the word marriage, though sometimes it’s the wedding I fixate on, I know the colour of the dress of my six bridesmaids, I know which songs I want to sing, I have even started noting things to add to my gift list.

This morning’s blog made me wonder if I want to be married for the right reasons. I’ve found a man who makes me happy, who makes me feel safe, who I think is very sexy, and I want to spend my life with him. When written like that it does sound selfish.

Debbie Macomber is one of my favourite authors currently, it’s her fault I’ve become obsessed with knitting. (Yes I get obsessed easily). She uses social media to continue the conversation in her books – I’ve blogged about her before on the MWiB blog, here. She recently shared a love story that of her parents and invited others to share theirs. They basically went, we met in a place, something happened, we got together and are still married so many years later. Now I could tell you how me and boyfriend got together, the first year of our friendship ended (a year and a day after we met) with us become boyfriend and girlfriend. But that is not really the love story. The five years since are more the story of us, than the time before we were together. The stories of the first time each of us said the L word are more romantic. Just so you know, He first told me he loved me when I’d driven for 5 hours to surprise him at the Methsoc Christmas Meal, and as I was preparing to drive off the next noonish time and he said those powerful, scary three. I remember being shocked, but am not sure my actual response. We said goodbye, I drove to the next village and rang my best friend! It was only a week or so later when I said it back. We spent time sitting on my bedroom floor, sharing secrets, and when I felt he truly knew me and still liked me then I knew I loved him.

Being long distance for most of our relationship has pushed and challenged us at times, but I believe has brought us closer together. We talk more, as that is our way of showing our love to one another  (love languages author Gary Chapman has things to say on that here). I believe it has made us stronger.  We did live in the same house for three months when he started his OPP job and hadn’t found anywhere to live. 

Though only just over a year ago it seems ages ago, and long distance during university –as it lasted longer – feels more of who we are.

So why do I want to get married? Dr Kelly talks about letting your walls down to let someone else in. For me that was how I knew I loved him, when I was vulnerable and knew he would still give me a cuddle and tell me he loves me.

I want to get married as I’ve found someone who loves me for who I am, who lets me be vulnerable, who cries when I cry and who goes all health and safety about cables as he knows it bothers me. [I’ve been informed that isn’t romantic it’s the law!] Someone who makes me want to be a better person, as that is who he deserves to be with. He thinks I’m beautiful, and gives me confidence. I know I do the same for him.

Is that selfish?

I’ve also made lots of big grown up decisions recently,  sometimes it would have been really lovely if I hadn’t had to do that all by myself. I also hate washing up, and am rubbish at cooking for one, but really loved cooking for both of us. 

What is a marriage about? Two people, deciding to love one another every single day. Through the ups and downs. My favourite part of the wedding ceremony is the promises made with the rings –

I give you this ring

as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you,

all that I am I give to you,

and all that I have I share with you,

within the love of God,

Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

How beautiful. Giving all that you are, and sharing all that you have.

I don’t have answers. Maybe I am being selfish, maybe I’m obsessed as I think marriage will make me happy. Do I idolise marriage? I don’t think I’ve got rose tinted glasses on. I understand living with anyone isn’t always easy. I know that Boyfriend’s happiness is what I need to strive for, rather than my own, though in the same way he is striving for mine and nothing is really totally altruistic.   

Dr Kelly has an ebook. Maybe I should read that! 

Stop and apply handbrake – review of 2013

When you learn to drive you are taught the difference between give way and stop. The best way to show the examiner that you know the difference is to apply the handbrake at a Stop sign, to show you have come to a complete stop. Whereas at a Give way you pause, look and if it’s safe go.

At the moment life feels a bit non-stop. It might not be the case it might just be I’m focusing on different things and in my spare time I’m now knitting (something I learnt in 2013) rather than blogging and in my new job I’m driving less, and driving was my thinking-of-blogs time.

Looking back, each year is that bit different to the others, I’m not saying on December 31^st things stop and January 1^st other things start but there are definite treads in each year.

2010 was the year of five addresses, I graduated, went full time, and at the very end lived on my own.

2011 was the year things started. I got my passport and went to South Africa, MWiB came into existence.

2012 was the year of interviews – well eight weeks of it was anyway, with seven interviews squished in them.

2012 was the year I challenged myself to run 5K to complete my Grade 5 Music theory.

Then there was 2013.

                A year in two halves, the first eight months were saying goodbye, packing up. It was about half way through those eight months I was offered my new job. Subsequently the final four months of 2013 were hellos, fresh starts, and new challenges.

It was the year I left the first place I’d chosen to live. That beautiful little city where I went for university will always have a place in my heart. I loved living there and miss it and it’s people.

2013 I grew up. I bought a house, I got a mortgage, I learnt what a damp proof course, a retainer on a mortgage and all sorts of other jargon was.

2013 has also been a year when I didn’t go to things. I missed Spring Harvest due to it clashing with MWiB weekend – and actually my job interview. I missed Greenbelt because I was bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. So both good reasons! Then I missed 3Generate – as I’m too old – but I was on local radio that Sunday morning. That weekend was also five year anniversary of me and boyfriend! That is a long time! Much of 2013 was spent as a short distance relationship, which meant dates to the cinema, art gallery and a new found love of Chiquito’s popcorn. (We also went to a very beautiful wedding with lots of driving as I didn’t realise how big Yorkshire is). Boyfriend has now moved far away – sad face. My best friend has also moved far away – in her case to the other side of the world – very sad face. I did get to go to the weekend of Conference in London, and Soul Survivor with my young people – playing the animal game almost constantly, was really lovely when they wanted me to play. The other great moment was when one of my young people mentioned my passion for participation – “you always let us decide together” - win!

One of the most impressive things of the year was the fact I managed to do my journal every day, something my Brother and Boyfriend both thought was way beyond me.

2013 was also a year of travelling. My trip to Italy to help plan the seminar there this June was a great time –well despite having my purse stolen. I got to go to Northern Ireland for the Irish Methodist Conference– something I didn’t blog enough about, but the President’s sermon about Joshua 3 has reoccurred in many of my own sermons. I got to see the theological college which is a beautiful place to study in. The whole Conference was God centred and prayer was a key aspect. I also got to see Irish Helen Kim Memorial Scholar J.

Soon after that I ran 5K in 36 minutes – 6 minutes faster than the year before and much helped by the Youth President’s fitness regime while I was in Ireland.

Then there was Paris. Part of my new job is helping with the Churches’ Scout group and in October half term we got to go to France and meet Minnie Mouse, we did get the ferry in the awful storms. Other parts of my new job include a toddler group, lots of different styles of worship and a very busy advent.

You will now realise that it is February, and we are already 1/12 into 2014. What does it have in store?  So far I’ve been trying to set up my pension, I’ve knit two snoods (one for me and one for Mum) and visited boyfriend in his brand new exciting job – see his blog here for more on that.

2014 will be another year of solitude evasion - finding ways of building community. It will hopefully me the last full year that I’m single, (like I had to put on a form the other day). It’s a year of more new experiences, running an international conference in Rome, and so far a year of three weddings, every year has had a different number recently – very clever of you my friends.

I think I need to pause more, to put on the handbrake, reflect what’s happened. So bring on 2014! Let’s hope it’s not as manic as 2013 but just as fun and action packed. 

Moving Out, Moving On

Mondays are always a bit strange for me. A while ago on Twitter there was a hashtag going round - #youthworksongs - and one changed 'Working 9-5' to a normal day of a youth worker, mine today would be 'Working 9-11, 3-5, 6:30-9:30, what a way to make a living'. But it's actually the gaps I want to focus on today. Monday is the last day of my working week, and as I worked last Tuesday (though technically had the Saturday of 3Gen off it’s my first day off in 9 days tomorrow. This is, however, the first time I’ve sat at my laptop all day, so emails will have to wait till Wednesday.

Anyway today!

Today was the day I’ve been dreading for quite a while. The day Boyfriend moved out. I knew as soon as he moved in that it wasn’t forever. We have always said we wouldn’t live together before we got married, but as he got his job in nearby city and no real time to house hunt before he started, he moved in and my study / guest room was occupied again.

Car has been playing up in the normal way today –but it's off to the garage in the morning so that should hopefully be the end of that! So any time I say 'so we/I drove here or there' imagine a few minutes of the car not starting to add to the stress. I got home from my exciting Monday morning meeting (not sarcasm, I really do enjoy it) to get the car packed up, Boyfriend was mostly packed, had sorted the details and soon we were on our way to letting agent office number 1 to sign paperwork, the cheap supermarket for lunch then letting agent office 2 to get keys. Then finally to the house, where Boyfriend met one housemate leaving for work and we moved stuff in, made the bed, unpacked the clothes, had lunch, moved the furniture, drove Boyfriend back to letting agent office 2 as there were issues with keys and I drove off back to work. 2 hours later, I have an hour and a half to kill and decide to look for a single friendly eatery (as you get funny looks in some places asking for a table for one); the local supermarket cafe stopped serving at 5 (it was 5:05 at this point) and my fave pub for eating in didn’t start till 6. So off I went to Indian takeaway for Chicken Korma. Realising at this point I had no cutlery and stealing from a supermarket cafe is wrong I went and found plastic cutlery to buy – so now I’m prepared for next nine times I need to eat takeaway in my car! It was also about this point that I had a fab chat with a great friend, who let me rant and work out how I was feeling –as well as making me laugh, before going back off to work.

Today is a sad day. (I'd bet that there aren't many relationships where moving out from your partner's house is seen as progress. It is quite nice to know we can live together, yes the house is a bit messy, and we argue about silly things but I still love that man. It has been a lovely couple of months, and we still aren’t about to dance up the aisle (Though my proof reader states “I'm not dancing up the aisle ever!” ), but I think we are closer, and realistically if he can move out when I’m working at 11 and 3, I’m pretty sure I’m going to see a lot more of him than I ever did when he lived in that other country.

So yes it's sad, but it's another step on our journey, moving on as well as moving out and I’m not going to become a wimpy missing him kinda person, I’m a hardened Long Distance Relationshipper who is, as Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat sang, “Lucky [to be] in love with my best friend” 

Him, Me, Us

               Having a boyfriend for a housemate has enabled me to learn much about myself, him and us. Today I've spent time with Aunty/Godmother, Uncle and 3 youngest cousins (can’t say littlest as they are all taller than me now).  While we were out I left them in a charity shop while I ran off to a future brand to buy boyfriend new socks. Now this is the first time I can think of that I've bought boyfriend clothing for necessity – rather than as a present. I commented on this to Aunty when I returned after successfully purchasing socks – though still waiting to see if Boyfriend likes them. I’m now obviously in a grown up relationship!

                I've just got back from Sweden (which is what I kinda assumed today’s blog would be about) but I’m not really going to tell you about that today. When I was away though Boyfriend has had some big decisions to make – similar to deciding to take current job which is why he came housemate too while I was at Soul Survivor. This time it was the consequences of a phone call that probably happened while I was in the air to ask if he wanted to look around a house! I know he wished I’d been around this week, in the same way I feel when at Christian events and it feels like God is doing big stuff – Boyfriend is such a big part of me that he should be there. Boyfriend does seem to make big decisions about life when we aren't together – we got together after a weekend of soul searching and big questions at Tresaith – when I was having similar thoughts at a youth weekend. Like I said the interview was when I was in Stafford and now a house while I was in Sweden – maybe if I go away for longer he’ll decide to marry me!

                We had a very weekendy weekend a couple of weeks ago. Saturday started with a mad rush to find a postbox to send my Grandad a 70^th birthday card. The afternoon included a trip to the supermarket, a diy shop and a fabric shop, and boyfriend cleaned the kitchen.

                I’m very lucky to have a boyfriend who puts up with my stress, last night my car wasn't starting and he just sat there rubbing my back and offering me garlic bread! I love being an ‘us’ with him. It’s funny for years we've mocked our friends who have lived near each other who couldn't cope with a few days apart and I don’t think we have turned into them, but it was very nice to be back in his arms yesterday after just 80ish hours apart. It will be interesting to find a new normal with him living nearby but not just in the other room. Living together has taught me a lot about us, it’s made me even more certain that boyfriend is the one I want to spend my life with.  We complement each other, him chopping, me cooking, him washing up, me putting away, though we are both messy – he blames me, but if it really bothered him he’d tidy it! I’m bossy and he’s dealing with that, he’s laid back and I’m dealing with that. I’ve learnt he can’t do mornings, so not to expect breakfast in bed, he’s learnt that when I’m tired I’m no use to anyone, not to annoy me when I’m driving and I've learnt not to bother moving the shower head any lower cos it’s just a waste of time. He has though come round to my way of putting the toilet paper on the holder.

                It’s going to be strange when he’s moved out, living alone again, but this time I know it’s not forever, cos one day we’ll move in together, for good. 

Big Steps and Stillness

There are some times in my life when it feels like God is really trying to teach me something. Though sometimes when you have those life changing experiences you need to remember them, and particularly my blog (in general, not just this post) is about that – remembering what I’ve learnt or thought about.

I’m not really sure what started this blog post – it may have been something I read on Jill Baker’s blog but I was thinking as I drove through Wales on Friday about moments of stillness. There is one part of the journey, driving through a valley (obviously said with the welsh accent) that the radio goes off, and it’s just me and my thoughts.

At one of my many interviews this year I was asked about my hobbies and I talked about training for the 5k, blogging, and how I enjoy driving. They – the interview panel – commented that these were all individual activities, ones that I do on my own, and asked if I was contemplative. Now I currently live alone – well kind of, I’m currently looking after a lot of animals for some friends / colleague. Living alone means that my spare time is used up by myself, I’ve already talked in other blog posts about how connected I am, and how I’m never really lonely.

I’ve not always lived alone. I learnt a lot about myself when living with people. I had a friend staying with me for quite a while earlier this year and their stuff has all been moved out today to make room for my next house guest.

On Sunday morning the preacher (Rev David Easton of Island Parish fame) was talking about finding stillness, times to focus on God, for some people that’s by being in the beauty of creation, for others is a holy place, for some it needs to be silent, for others that is distracting.

I was in Wales this weekend for the wedding of two of Boyfriend’s Housemates from University. Now over the past 15 months Boyfriend and I have been to 8 weddings. They have all been very different but I must say this weekend has to be one of my favourites, plus Boyfriend’s University Town will always be a special place.

I spent yesterday getting my house ready for Boyfriend to move into the spare bedroom. I’ve spent a lot of time working out what all this means, and we’ve spent time working out some ground rules. There are two things that worry me about living with Boyfriend; being too much like a married couple and falling out completely. My last no distance relationship only lasted a few months and that was years ago.

No one can accuse me and Boyfriend of rushing into marriage for one thing, and it worries me that by living together that when we get married that will be the only difference, so I’m taking steps to ensure it’s my house that he’s staying in, we have separate bedrooms and it is only short term. So if anyone knows of a place Boyfriend can live please let me know!

Like when we have to find places of stillness to listen to God it is really important to have moments when we talk about the serious things in our lives, set the ground rules and work out how we fit our ideals to the practicalities that life throws at us.

The Plan

Warning – my proof reader has described this blog as messy, I think this is because I’m still working through this – or I’m still shattered from Soul Survivor. I think it helps make the point I’m working towards, even if I don’t totally get to where I think I’m going, this is one of those posts where I’m leaving you to work out the ‘moral of the story.’


God’s plan isn’t always our plan.


If you’d asked me 5 or so years ago, I was going to uni to meet my future husband, get married when I graduated and live happily ever after. I think I even had a life plan, working out when I’d have my 4 children working around the summers that Breakout would happen...

I was partially right, I did meet my boyfriend during the uni years, he just didn’t go to my uni. And actually I’ve had more boyfriends from his uni (two) than my own (none).

You will probably know I recently had seven interviews in eight weeks. I’m now very good at the rejection phone call. It’s been hard but I think I’ve learnt a lot. This came to an end when my Circuit decided they couldn’t continue without me and talked about and finally agreed to keep me on, upgrading my Circuit hours to full time and therefore ending my searching.

This was strange, I was so ready to move on, for a change. But no, I was called to stay. It didn’t make much sense at the time.

However! Or maybe 'But God’...

While I was away at Soul Survivor, Boyfriend was busy going to an interview which would mean he’d get to work, and therefore live, close by. And yes he got it!
So now it all makes sense, I needed interviews to know what I was lacking, I need to stay so boyfriend could get his new job which should be a great stepping stone in his career.

So there you go. It’s always nice when God’s plan becomes obvious.
Though there’s a part of me that’s in shock. Not that I didn’t believe God knew what (s)he was doing, but that this wasn’t part of my plan. I was never expecting to live near (or with – but that’s a totally different blog post) boyfriend, my plan was always going straight from long distance to marriage. I’m not complaining at all, I’m excited about being so close, and now have new things to plan!


PS – something this year that has gone to plan was that I passed my grade 5 theory in music!!!!

Coming Home

Many months ago I went through my diary and found a totally free weekend! I plan my life out in great detail in my diary, if it’s not in there it doesn’t happen. I don’t bother taking appointment cards because to be fair they are just something else to lug around and I might as well write it straight into my diary.

So I decided that my free weekend would be best used on a holiday! Therefore me and boyfriend went camping this weekend– yes in March! When we booked it I hadn’t noticed it was Mothers Day, but actually this was quite apt. We went camping on a basic but nice campsite (the toilet was plumbed in and not a portaloo!), where we were the only tent, and as the weekend got wetter I saw why the other 10 or so groups there had brought caravans and parked at the top of the field.

Being long distance, me and boyfriend don’t go on many dates, but we got the tent up and went off to find a chippy before deciding a local pub made more sense and had burgers. Much to boyfriend’s dismay we couldn’t find a Weatherspoons though. [my proof reader says this is NOT TRUE!!]

By 10pm we were in our sleeping bags as it was so cold and we’d both forgotten to bring some cards. Though I remember talking about the colour of the sky, I’m so rural nowadays I’ve forgotten that light pollution in big cities changes the sky’s colour!
Saturday dawned well rained, but we ventured out of the tent when it stopped to eat cereal, make lunch and meander across the countryside to visit my uncle and auntie/Godmother and 2 youngest cousins in time for tea. We did manage on the way over to look at birds where I got accused of being my father’s child (Which I am!) and bought a dress for one of this year’s many weddings and a book. There were a few moments when I recognised where we were, memories of car journeys, or shopping for post-its.

We had a lovely evening and boyfriend even ate Indian food, and got to watch most of the rugby - even if he missed the tries due to eating. I called a lion a tiger and had a good catch up with the family. All too soon we had to head back to the cold tent where I didn’t sleep well and even woke up, middle of the night after dreaming about a huge meal being made for me but not getting to eat it, really hungry and the food was all in the car – a wet 5 meters away.

Sunday and the real reason we had chosen that area arrived. Though started with the trudge up hill will one of the favourite books of my favourite 22 month old going through my head. Which goes something along the lines of “Father Christmas needs a wee, he’s being drinking drinks since half past 3, at number 1, 1 hot choc – yum...”

Boyfriend and I were on MYE together back in 2007-2008 and our meetings were at a place I called home the first time I arrived in the car park. Yardley Hastings United Reform Church and Crossways Centre was the aim of our pilgrimage to Northamptonshire. We arrived a bit early so drove over to Castle Ashby to see the roads we used to walk in the middle of the night.

We rang the church doorbell and were greeted by Jenny who took a few moments trying to place us. It was so nice to be home, in a place that had mothered me. The service was lovely, the people as friendly as I remembered and the coffee hot! And we rewrote on the wall we’d written on years before.

Then it was time to leave again, we went into a local city window shopped for ages, drove round many many roundabouts and finally dropped boyfriend off at train station. This was not the end of the weekend though.

I drove from there to a road I used to live on to collect brother from work and take him to his house – via a pizza place (yummy tuna pizza) and we then decided to surprise our mum by driving up to see her for about 14 hours. She lives in a place I’ve never lived though it’s looking like I might in the future if I don’t get my act together and find a new job. We didn’t quite manage to surprise her liked we hoped as she arrived as I was trying to hide my car behind the house. But still it was a very lovely evening.

The next morning after dropping brother off at station and buying more petrol I drove home, to where I live, but you could say I never really left.

Missing, Marriage and soul Mate

Was just chatting to a friend who is in the early months of a long distance relationship and she is missing her boyfriend. Now I remember those times, wanting to visit Matt again. I'm not saying I don't miss Matt, but its now different. We can go longer not seeing each other without it being so dreadful, and actually right now I'm not sure when I am going to see him again - should be sometimes in March, and maybe Feb, but who knows - and that doesn't worry me like it used to.

Now its more about longing to be with him always. Which is why I'm marriage obsessed. This is why I have my wedding planned in my head. Don't get me wrong I love visiting him and spending time with him. But now its actually more about wanting to spend my life with my other half, not a few days with my boyfriend.

I realise this may not be profound but my friend's comment made me reflect and notice the difference.

Lonely Sunday

You would think that I might get lonely.

I was thinking on Tuesday when I did get home that I might blog about Daemons and being lonely, but I never got home. I got stuck on the M6 as a lorry had gone over and they had closed the motorway, so I stayed with a friend in Warrington and finished my journey on Wednesday.

There aren't many times when I am actually on my own. The interconectivity I talked about recently (ish) means that even when I'm physically on my own I'm still generally talking to people - and its strange when it doesn't work. I also have a few families who will take me in and make me coffee and sometimes even leave me in their house while they go off to drop someone off or collect someone, and to them I am very grateful.

Hurts' song Sunday, talks about the downside of long distance relationships - and probably not the best thing to be listening to on Tuesday as I was driving away from my lovely but far away boyfriend. There's a point whenever I'm driving away where I realise I'm too far away to turn back. That has always felt like I'm being torn in two and I'm leaving part of me behind. Reminds me of in His Dark Materials when Lyra and Pan (her Daemon / Soul) are being pulled apart.

I have a busy life, with working full time, and Local Preacher training, MWiB stuff and sustaining my relationships I don't have much time alone, I'm on my phone when I walk and on my laptop when I'm at home so actually the only time I get to think is when I drive - just need to find a way to write my ideas down at that point!

I love my house and the spare bedroom means that friends can come to stay and I've got one visiting for the next few days which is lovely, just means even less time on my own.

So no, I don't have time to get lonely!!