Rachel, being Rachel

What makes you, you?

Or more importantly, as it is my blog, what makes me, me?

I've just been Cced into an email that includes the line “Rachel, being Rachel, has only just got round to submitting her claim”

“Rachel, being Rachel”

Now that shows that they know that either a – I'm rubbish at paperwork, or b – (which I'm actually hoping it is) money isn't my driving factor in life.

Expenses are something I do for a number of reasons. Part of my philosophy in life is that I don't think people should be expected to volunteer their money if they don't want to. For those who volunteer time, they shouldn't be out of pocket. I also do my expenses because I don't have endless amounts of money and sometimes do need it back. I do my expenses because I believe charities and churches should know how much things cost.

This email came from a charity I love. A charity I don't mind if I occasionally forget to put a claim in for a train journey for example. I know what I should do is claim everything and give of my earned wages – as I know then they would be able to gift aid it. I should also put that money in an account so that when they stop paying for me to come to their events I'll have money put aside for it.

I wonder if that is what they think when they say “Rachel, being Rachel” maybe its the former, and they just know I'm rubbish at admin. But I'd like to hope its cos they actually know I'm not in it for the money – and I'm doing it now so they can balance the accounts!

“Rachel, being Rachel” sounds like it is going to be negative. I want to reclaim the phrase. I want my name to mean something. I've often joked (only half seriously) that I'd like to have a room at Methodist Church House named after me. Now you have to do something very momentous for that to happen.

“Rachel, being Rachel” could mean a whole load of things. I hope, that generally it's positive. I'd want it to denote my patience, kindness, listening ear, I don't mind too much if its my bossiness. I had another email today that described me as a tower of strength (insert short joke here!!) and was grateful for my calm encouragement. That is what I want Rachel to mean.

How would you end “Rachel, being Rachel...”

And what would you want “You, being you” to mean?

Obviously “Rachel, being Rachel” means I'm blogging when I should be creating powerpoints for said charity – so I better go back to work.

Lent 2 - Risky balancing act

Week two lent reflections based on this download. And the image is this one. 

It looks like a person walking on a tightrope though as you look closer at the image you see a person ready to provide safety.

Is your life like walking on a tightrope? Often it feels like my life is balanced and then something else gets thrown at me and it knocks me, it's then when balancing everything is that much harder. There has been a lot of death around at the moment, or friends dealing with terminal diagnoses. Its the days you hear that sort of news you hope you are on a pavement not a tightrope to start with.

I have a busy life. I have a full time job, a long distance relationship,  my voluntary work with MWiB and my local preaching studies. I had a weekend off this weekend and went to boyfriend's house with 4 other friends for a weekend of fun, games, food, gender stereotypes and general Methodist geekery. Was really nice to relax, and spend time with friends, and boyfriend after he'd had a particularly rough week. Sunday morning we went to church and the minister said instead of a sermon the service would be made up of songs, readings, meditations from the biblical characters' perspectives and communion. This gave me a chance to pick up my own reflections throughout the service. One story told was that of Mary and Martha. The line that struck me was in Mary's meditation which pondered on why Martha had to keep so busy and whether her busyness hid an emptiness? Are we so busy balancing everything,  keeping busy that we are stuck on our tightrope.

What is lent about? Do we give vices up to make ourselves feel righteous? But does it bring us closer to God?

One song we sang had the line
"Never let my heart grow cold." That is my prayer, that I'm never too busy trying to balance my life one step at a time to know that God has his arms ready to catch me.

The words accompanying this image, called I Am With You Always, on the McCrimmon website are: 

“Turn to Me, your Saviour. 

Put your trust in Me and in the power of My Spirit. 

Put Me first in your life, no matter what the cost. 

Open your heart to Me, in reverence and humility.”

Would losing control and falling off the tightrope into God's arms be that bad? Sometimes we need to totally abandon ourselves to God, life will still be there when we get back on the path, it just may look very different, a new normal.

One of the other stories shared in the morning's worship was that of the transfiguration. The characters both talked of their joy at the time and not wanting to return to normality after such an awe inspiring experience.
Sometimes we have an amazing experience and returning to normality is really difficult. Strong spiritual experiences are great, but if we see our general lives as time balancing on our own and not relying on God,  even though his arms are ready to catch us.

We often split our lives,  we separate our online and offline lives.  My Boyfriend tells me off when I talk about my job as my real life and my voluntary things as another part of life. There is a whole blog post on what makes up life and why our job is how we describe ourselves, but this is not that.

I don't know if this is what the writer or artist was aiming for but I think I'd prefer to fail and be in God's arms rather than struggle on alone. And be in God's arms in all that I do, and all the parts of my life.

To close, the prayer from the resource.

Saving God, you watch over me tenderly, ready to catch me when I fall. As I try to maintain balance in my life, help me to trust you. As I walk the narrow path of faithful commitment, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you. Amen

Stop and apply handbrake – review of 2013

When you learn to drive you are taught the difference between give way and stop. The best way to show the examiner that you know the difference is to apply the handbrake at a Stop sign, to show you have come to a complete stop. Whereas at a Give way you pause, look and if it’s safe go.

At the moment life feels a bit non-stop. It might not be the case it might just be I’m focusing on different things and in my spare time I’m now knitting (something I learnt in 2013) rather than blogging and in my new job I’m driving less, and driving was my thinking-of-blogs time.

Looking back, each year is that bit different to the others, I’m not saying on December 31^st things stop and January 1^st other things start but there are definite treads in each year.

2010 was the year of five addresses, I graduated, went full time, and at the very end lived on my own.

2011 was the year things started. I got my passport and went to South Africa, MWiB came into existence.

2012 was the year of interviews – well eight weeks of it was anyway, with seven interviews squished in them.

2012 was the year I challenged myself to run 5K to complete my Grade 5 Music theory.

Then there was 2013.

                A year in two halves, the first eight months were saying goodbye, packing up. It was about half way through those eight months I was offered my new job. Subsequently the final four months of 2013 were hellos, fresh starts, and new challenges.

It was the year I left the first place I’d chosen to live. That beautiful little city where I went for university will always have a place in my heart. I loved living there and miss it and it’s people.

2013 I grew up. I bought a house, I got a mortgage, I learnt what a damp proof course, a retainer on a mortgage and all sorts of other jargon was.

2013 has also been a year when I didn’t go to things. I missed Spring Harvest due to it clashing with MWiB weekend – and actually my job interview. I missed Greenbelt because I was bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. So both good reasons! Then I missed 3Generate – as I’m too old – but I was on local radio that Sunday morning. That weekend was also five year anniversary of me and boyfriend! That is a long time! Much of 2013 was spent as a short distance relationship, which meant dates to the cinema, art gallery and a new found love of Chiquito’s popcorn. (We also went to a very beautiful wedding with lots of driving as I didn’t realise how big Yorkshire is). Boyfriend has now moved far away – sad face. My best friend has also moved far away – in her case to the other side of the world – very sad face. I did get to go to the weekend of Conference in London, and Soul Survivor with my young people – playing the animal game almost constantly, was really lovely when they wanted me to play. The other great moment was when one of my young people mentioned my passion for participation – “you always let us decide together” - win!

One of the most impressive things of the year was the fact I managed to do my journal every day, something my Brother and Boyfriend both thought was way beyond me.

2013 was also a year of travelling. My trip to Italy to help plan the seminar there this June was a great time –well despite having my purse stolen. I got to go to Northern Ireland for the Irish Methodist Conference– something I didn’t blog enough about, but the President’s sermon about Joshua 3 has reoccurred in many of my own sermons. I got to see the theological college which is a beautiful place to study in. The whole Conference was God centred and prayer was a key aspect. I also got to see Irish Helen Kim Memorial Scholar J.

Soon after that I ran 5K in 36 minutes – 6 minutes faster than the year before and much helped by the Youth President’s fitness regime while I was in Ireland.

Then there was Paris. Part of my new job is helping with the Churches’ Scout group and in October half term we got to go to France and meet Minnie Mouse, we did get the ferry in the awful storms. Other parts of my new job include a toddler group, lots of different styles of worship and a very busy advent.

You will now realise that it is February, and we are already 1/12 into 2014. What does it have in store?  So far I’ve been trying to set up my pension, I’ve knit two snoods (one for me and one for Mum) and visited boyfriend in his brand new exciting job – see his blog here for more on that.

2014 will be another year of solitude evasion - finding ways of building community. It will hopefully me the last full year that I’m single, (like I had to put on a form the other day). It’s a year of more new experiences, running an international conference in Rome, and so far a year of three weddings, every year has had a different number recently – very clever of you my friends.

I think I need to pause more, to put on the handbrake, reflect what’s happened. So bring on 2014! Let’s hope it’s not as manic as 2013 but just as fun and action packed.