Back in the blog seat for lent

Hey loyal readers!

IThere are two main reasons I've not blogged in a while.
My life seems to revolve around two main things.
Work and Wedding.
Firstly it probably wouldn't be very professional of me to share the stories of my job, the families I work with don't deserve that, neither does the church. I'm not saying that in many years time my "call the Midwife" style memoirs won't be interesting but its not something I can generally blog about day to day.
The wedding again has two reasons for why I haven't been bloging about it. You as the reader will fit into one of two categories. Either you are invited to the wedding so I don't want to ruin the specialness of the day by boring you with all the details - like how many kg of fish gravel I currently own, or the palaver of trying to get hold of enough glasses. Both of which are funny stories, so there may be a "50 things I've learnt in planning a wedding" blog after the event. The second group of you are not invited - and you will know by now if you are in that group (sorry!) I don't want to bore you with an event you can't come to. You may think that you won't get bored, but I can talk non stop about my wedding - just ask my fiancé!

Getting out of the blog seat regularly means that I haven't done my usual round up of the year, so in a sentence or two...
2014 was a year of settling and preparing. Obviously with the momentous engagement in the middle.
I was in my house, getting established at work, knitted lots, painted a room or two and went to Rome - and got to give out the bread in communion which was very special.

I'm bloging today to announce my very exciting lent blog series - which currently has three rough blogs in my head. The series will be exploring what lent means to me this year. I'm not committing to blog every week, and I'm not using the MWiB lent reflections like last year - the 2015 ones can be found here if you want to have a go.
But I am going to share small amounts as I prepare for Easter as a married women.

So bring on lent!

This is it

When I was about 6 or 7 I went to a ballet class, and we did a show that was called "this is it" with a title song to match. We have it on video somewhere. 

This blog is it. The blog I've wanted to write for many years. The one people have been expecting when I've given other news.

It is the same with phone calls. When I was given my note to preach in feb 2010 I rang my family excited about starting the Local Preacher journey.  They were surprised I wasn't ringing to announce my engagement!

But now I am. Our families have been rung / emailed, we are facebook official and this is it, the blog of how he finally did it.

My Fiancé and I have been together for just over 5 and a half years. Meeting at a train station for MYC back in 2007 and getting together a year and a day later (via Msn) in 2008.

Years have passed and life has moved us around a bit,  but we are now at a point where we can actually see us building a life together.

Friday 4th July dawned a grey morning, after originally making plans to walk up a hill and have a picnic we decided to scrap the picnic and just take some cake with us.

As with every other time we go anywhere I'd asked Boyfriend if he was going to propose,  and if he had a ring. Replying no to both, we went off for this 2 mile walk to a little towery thing near where I live.

I made some comment about halfway up the hill if he was going to keep suggesting walks knowing I'd say yes if I thought he might propose on them. He likes walking more than I do.

We got to the top and looked at the old, now covered well, and the tower and worked out which towns and cities we could see before sitting on the bench to eat cake and take photos to prove I walked somewhere. 

Unbeknown to me, when Boyfriend got the phone out of the bag to take said pictures he also moved the ring into his hoody pocket.

Sitting back next to me on the bench he said some beautiful things, something along the lines of, you are beautiful, and amazing, and will make a wonderful wife and I love you. 
To which I replied "that would make a good proposal speech"
Next thing I know he's down on one knee with the ring out.

For someone who has wanted this very moment for years, and even thought about how to respond,  I was speechless,  shocked and said oh.
I took the ring out of the box and asked him to put it on my finger.
We kissed. And it was only a minute or so later that I realised I hadn't said yes yet. I checked with Fiancé this was the case, which it was and gave my affirmative answer.
This was when the shock of it actually happening hit me and we sat down, and took the photo of the ring before the walk home, and the visit to my mum.

So this is it.
I'm engaged!

Just watch out as this is when I become a wedding bore or worse a bridezilla.

Thanks for journeying with me so far.

Your newly fiancéed friend.

Lent 4 - Risky walking

I don't really do walking.  Once for boyfriend's birthday we walked up a local hill, we did this with 2 puffs of my inhailer and stopping to sit on all but one bench along the way. It may have been then I dreamed up the brilliant idea of sn ice cream vending machine on every hill top. I'd obviously need a quadbike to get me to the top of them all.

Since I've stopped going on holiday with them, my parents have gone on a few walking holidays, especially with my brother.

I use my asthma as a reason,  but you may know I've run the cancer research 5k twice, firstly in 42 minutes, then in 36. I enjoy the countryside, but am happy to drive through. I would of course walk along the beach - they have ice cream there.

This week's reflection and image are based on lindersfarn. I've not been there but I assume it's like Iona. I've done a pilgrimage around the island. Iona is a special "thin" place.

The reflection talks about the importance of timing in our faith.  Getting to Iona is a task of timing in its own right, I remember dashing across Glasgow and then again to get the first boat and the ferry. Similarly throughout the year, and especially as I work for the church, I try to get to a number of different festivals and worship with different people and in different contexts. The phrase people use is being "feed."
In the same way when I've gone to many days without a day off or too many weeks without seeing boyfriend I can't go too long just doing things for God and not just being with God. Maybe even proved by the very last minute posting of this blog.

The last question about those you journey with. I have a few friends facing death of a loved one at this time.  If you pray, please do, God knows who they are.

And to finish with the prayer from the resource.

Lord Jesus, who resolutely set your face towards Jerusalem though the way was hard and lonely, strengthen my resolve to follow the path you have marked out for me at this stage in my life. May I take opportunities to be alongside fellow pilgrims as if in service to you.  Amen

8-ish things I've learnt from my relationship

I should probably start by saying this isn't a Lent blog. So if you are expecting butterflies instead I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that will be written some point this week don't worry.

This blog started as a throw away comment to a friend after another all-to-regular phone call about my car accident about 18 months ago. My friend commented I was being amazingly patient, so I replied 'I was well practiced and that maybe I could blog, "how not having sex helps me put up with repetitive phone calls."'

You'll notice that is not what this blog is called but its where I started.

Let's start with some confessions.

• As usual I don't have answers, just more questions. But I hope to share some of my wisdom I've learnt along the way.
• Me and Boyfriend have been together 64 months and 2days today, that’s almost 5 and a half years.
• I'm a virgin. As is Boyfriend.
• There are probably many complex and deep reasons for the choices and decisions Boyfriend and I have made along the way that have got us to this point. I am by no means going to go into all of those, but here are a few things I've learnt, or what I think about things.

The L word is a big deal.

I blogged on this recently. This first time it's said it is a big deal, but it should continue to be. 'I love you' should be said as often as possible and with feeling. It doesn't have to be those exact words. For example when my dad calls me plonker at the end of a phone conversation I know he loves me.

Rules and boundaries make everything simpler in the long run

You may laugh but Boyfriend and I have a number of rules that make life simpler. Some are practical way of working long distance - if a phone call gets cut off for some reason the person who made the initial phone call is the one who rings again. The same works for setting physical boundaries - if you make them beforehand you don't end up being very confused and both getting each other's answer phone.

The important part is the communication to check rules still work. Early on it was easier to change rules, now it sometimes seems we do things because 5 years ago we thought it was a good idea. At the beginning we looked at what was ok for us then, and what we thought would be ok when we were engaged and then when married. I don't think 20 year old me thought we wouldn't be married by 25, but here we are. So revisiting rules and checking why we think and do or don't do certain things is important.

Love languages are so important

Having come across GaryChapman's love languages many years ago now, I think they show a lot about how we interact. The 5 languages are; touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time. Knowing both your own and that of your partner is vital to a healthy and stable love life.

Getting involved in their world

Trust is such an important part of any relationship. It can be more difficult in long distance. Jealously is something I've had to learn to deal with. Boyfriend has close female friends, one of the silly examples of when I've been jealous for no reason was just before my 21st birthday when Boyfriend was late home and I complained, only to find out, later, his friend was helping him print, cut and place the photo that lives in my locket I got for that birthday from Boyfriend.

My advice is become a part of their world; meet their friends, get to visit the places they spend their time, so you can picture where they are. Part of it may have been for selfish reasons, to warn others off, but mostly about seeing your partner in all that they are.

Patience is key

When people talk to me about patience, they sometimes mean sex, which I'll come to, but actually it's about other things for me. Waiting for Boyfriend to propose so I we can plan myour wedding. At the moment it's the living together that I'm wanting, someone to cook for, someone to come home to.

Long distance in itself teaches a lot about patience. We have been known to go up to eight (well somewhere between six and 10 we can’t actually remember) weeks without seeing each other face to face - technology obviously helps, but as touch is the primary love language for both of us, a skype chat, though lovely, is not a cuddle.

So I've learnt to be patient.

To answer my throw away comment, long distance, not waiting, is what has taught me most about patience.

Then there is sex

My mum's version of sex ed as I was growing up was "you'll wait till you're married won't you." It certainly wasn't really a question. So very early on, maybe even just before we actually got together we decided we'd wait till we got married to have sex. That was our decision for what was best for us. We have many friends who have taken different stances on this, and if that works for them then what does that have to do with anyone else. Though you are the one who's got this far in what is a very self indulgent blog about my relationship.

Maybe it's because I'm female, because I've had friends who are amazed Boyfriend has survived this long.

We aren't having sex because it's not important,  but because it is.

Maybe it's a pride thing now.

Being the good kids in a culture saturated with sex, is not always easy. But for us I think it's worthwhile. Part of  the decision is based on the belief that sex belongs in marriage. Yes the Bible teaches about adultery, which I read as sex should be within a union between two people, which is preferably marriage.

My view on marriage

For me, marriage is a journey, and on that journey different things are right at different times. In Doctor Who, the Doctor and River Song's lives are going in opposite directions. His first kiss is her last. After that in her lifetime was before that in his, so it was too early for him to kiss her.

Sex is an important part of the marriage relationship, and it has to start at some point. Facebook tells almost all of my friends, and man acquaintances that I'm in a relationship, a wedding will actually show less people my declaration of love for Boyfriend. But it's about the promises, to one other person forever,  in front of God.

In the same way we don't live together, and even when we did it was only for 3 months and we had separate space. Though to go off on that tangent, I understand the try before you buy mentality. When boyfriend moved in it was a decision and a balance between ethics and ideals with practicalities. It's good to know we can cope being in the same house though. 

Marriage is the whole package. Linking body, mind, soul, and bank account. Its making the decisions together, having someone to snuggle up with and watch a film after a rough day and someone to fall asleep in the arms of..

My last piece of advice if you can call any of this that, is be yourselves.

Be true to you and your relationship.

Selfish Marriage?

This morning I read a blog about marriage by Dr Kelly Flanagan. Which can be read here. It started me thinking.

It should come as no surprise to most of you that I am a bit marriage obsessed. I use the word marriage, though sometimes it’s the wedding I fixate on, I know the colour of the dress of my six bridesmaids, I know which songs I want to sing, I have even started noting things to add to my gift list.

This morning’s blog made me wonder if I want to be married for the right reasons. I’ve found a man who makes me happy, who makes me feel safe, who I think is very sexy, and I want to spend my life with him. When written like that it does sound selfish.

Debbie Macomber is one of my favourite authors currently, it’s her fault I’ve become obsessed with knitting. (Yes I get obsessed easily). She uses social media to continue the conversation in her books – I’ve blogged about her before on the MWiB blog, here. She recently shared a love story that of her parents and invited others to share theirs. They basically went, we met in a place, something happened, we got together and are still married so many years later. Now I could tell you how me and boyfriend got together, the first year of our friendship ended (a year and a day after we met) with us become boyfriend and girlfriend. But that is not really the love story. The five years since are more the story of us, than the time before we were together. The stories of the first time each of us said the L word are more romantic. Just so you know, He first told me he loved me when I’d driven for 5 hours to surprise him at the Methsoc Christmas Meal, and as I was preparing to drive off the next noonish time and he said those powerful, scary three. I remember being shocked, but am not sure my actual response. We said goodbye, I drove to the next village and rang my best friend! It was only a week or so later when I said it back. We spent time sitting on my bedroom floor, sharing secrets, and when I felt he truly knew me and still liked me then I knew I loved him.

Being long distance for most of our relationship has pushed and challenged us at times, but I believe has brought us closer together. We talk more, as that is our way of showing our love to one another  (love languages author Gary Chapman has things to say on that here). I believe it has made us stronger.  We did live in the same house for three months when he started his OPP job and hadn’t found anywhere to live. 

Though only just over a year ago it seems ages ago, and long distance during university –as it lasted longer – feels more of who we are.

So why do I want to get married? Dr Kelly talks about letting your walls down to let someone else in. For me that was how I knew I loved him, when I was vulnerable and knew he would still give me a cuddle and tell me he loves me.

I want to get married as I’ve found someone who loves me for who I am, who lets me be vulnerable, who cries when I cry and who goes all health and safety about cables as he knows it bothers me. [I’ve been informed that isn’t romantic it’s the law!] Someone who makes me want to be a better person, as that is who he deserves to be with. He thinks I’m beautiful, and gives me confidence. I know I do the same for him.

Is that selfish?

I’ve also made lots of big grown up decisions recently,  sometimes it would have been really lovely if I hadn’t had to do that all by myself. I also hate washing up, and am rubbish at cooking for one, but really loved cooking for both of us. 

What is a marriage about? Two people, deciding to love one another every single day. Through the ups and downs. My favourite part of the wedding ceremony is the promises made with the rings –

I give you this ring

as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you,

all that I am I give to you,

and all that I have I share with you,

within the love of God,

Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

How beautiful. Giving all that you are, and sharing all that you have.

I don’t have answers. Maybe I am being selfish, maybe I’m obsessed as I think marriage will make me happy. Do I idolise marriage? I don’t think I’ve got rose tinted glasses on. I understand living with anyone isn’t always easy. I know that Boyfriend’s happiness is what I need to strive for, rather than my own, though in the same way he is striving for mine and nothing is really totally altruistic.   

Dr Kelly has an ebook. Maybe I should read that! 

Stop and apply handbrake – review of 2013

When you learn to drive you are taught the difference between give way and stop. The best way to show the examiner that you know the difference is to apply the handbrake at a Stop sign, to show you have come to a complete stop. Whereas at a Give way you pause, look and if it’s safe go.

At the moment life feels a bit non-stop. It might not be the case it might just be I’m focusing on different things and in my spare time I’m now knitting (something I learnt in 2013) rather than blogging and in my new job I’m driving less, and driving was my thinking-of-blogs time.

Looking back, each year is that bit different to the others, I’m not saying on December 31^st things stop and January 1^st other things start but there are definite treads in each year.

2010 was the year of five addresses, I graduated, went full time, and at the very end lived on my own.

2011 was the year things started. I got my passport and went to South Africa, MWiB came into existence.

2012 was the year of interviews – well eight weeks of it was anyway, with seven interviews squished in them.

2012 was the year I challenged myself to run 5K to complete my Grade 5 Music theory.

Then there was 2013.

                A year in two halves, the first eight months were saying goodbye, packing up. It was about half way through those eight months I was offered my new job. Subsequently the final four months of 2013 were hellos, fresh starts, and new challenges.

It was the year I left the first place I’d chosen to live. That beautiful little city where I went for university will always have a place in my heart. I loved living there and miss it and it’s people.

2013 I grew up. I bought a house, I got a mortgage, I learnt what a damp proof course, a retainer on a mortgage and all sorts of other jargon was.

2013 has also been a year when I didn’t go to things. I missed Spring Harvest due to it clashing with MWiB weekend – and actually my job interview. I missed Greenbelt because I was bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. So both good reasons! Then I missed 3Generate – as I’m too old – but I was on local radio that Sunday morning. That weekend was also five year anniversary of me and boyfriend! That is a long time! Much of 2013 was spent as a short distance relationship, which meant dates to the cinema, art gallery and a new found love of Chiquito’s popcorn. (We also went to a very beautiful wedding with lots of driving as I didn’t realise how big Yorkshire is). Boyfriend has now moved far away – sad face. My best friend has also moved far away – in her case to the other side of the world – very sad face. I did get to go to the weekend of Conference in London, and Soul Survivor with my young people – playing the animal game almost constantly, was really lovely when they wanted me to play. The other great moment was when one of my young people mentioned my passion for participation – “you always let us decide together” - win!

One of the most impressive things of the year was the fact I managed to do my journal every day, something my Brother and Boyfriend both thought was way beyond me.

2013 was also a year of travelling. My trip to Italy to help plan the seminar there this June was a great time –well despite having my purse stolen. I got to go to Northern Ireland for the Irish Methodist Conference– something I didn’t blog enough about, but the President’s sermon about Joshua 3 has reoccurred in many of my own sermons. I got to see the theological college which is a beautiful place to study in. The whole Conference was God centred and prayer was a key aspect. I also got to see Irish Helen Kim Memorial Scholar J.

Soon after that I ran 5K in 36 minutes – 6 minutes faster than the year before and much helped by the Youth President’s fitness regime while I was in Ireland.

Then there was Paris. Part of my new job is helping with the Churches’ Scout group and in October half term we got to go to France and meet Minnie Mouse, we did get the ferry in the awful storms. Other parts of my new job include a toddler group, lots of different styles of worship and a very busy advent.

You will now realise that it is February, and we are already 1/12 into 2014. What does it have in store?  So far I’ve been trying to set up my pension, I’ve knit two snoods (one for me and one for Mum) and visited boyfriend in his brand new exciting job – see his blog here for more on that.

2014 will be another year of solitude evasion - finding ways of building community. It will hopefully me the last full year that I’m single, (like I had to put on a form the other day). It’s a year of more new experiences, running an international conference in Rome, and so far a year of three weddings, every year has had a different number recently – very clever of you my friends.

I think I need to pause more, to put on the handbrake, reflect what’s happened. So bring on 2014! Let’s hope it’s not as manic as 2013 but just as fun and action packed. 

I'm saying no

This blog post started out as a rant, it’s one that has featured in many a facebook status, but I hope this is more of a positive response.

There are many things I don’t like about the world: war, pain, abuse, ferries in stormy seas, driving on icey roads and the claim culture we live in.

Last year I had a car accident, nothing major and I was not injured at all. I repeat I had NO DISCOMFORT AT ALL! Mild or otherwise. However since that accident 15 months ago I have had a whole load of different companies trying to get me to claim this compensation that is rightly mine. This is where we disagree. Maybe I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face but not being injured I don’t believe I should get this money. Most companies are quite simple to get rid of, there are two lines that work well – “Are you suggesting I make a fraudulent claim?” or “Yeah, isn’t God amazing!” Though asking “Why?” often gets me passed on to a supervisor or gets the phone put down on me. One time I just said hello and I was passed to a supervisor.

Today however I had a lovely phone call with a guy called Dean from another of these company. As well as checking if I had kids and how long me and Boyfriend had been together, we got chatting about my views on the point of life and the claim culture we live in. He didn’t seem to get that I wasn’t  going to take this money as as a young woman why would I turn down £2000 (That was today’s amount, I’ve been offered anywhere between £1000 and £5500). He believed that life is about money. I told him I disagreed, he tried to put me off by suggesting that I wishy washingly believed that life is about love. Life is about love, but it’s the understanding of love that you have that makes a difference. I believe in love that cares for those around me, that puts my neighbour first. This led to a conversation about what I do in my local community and my training to be an ASL in Scouts, as well as who Bear Grills is.

It’s my morals that stop me from claiming this money. The way I was brought up but also the faith have led to my beliefs. I said I worked for the church and Dean said he was also a Christian (when I said now I bet you think I’m a religious nut) so I challenged him on this views on the importance of money and then we had a random bit about a catholic priest that stole money from the church. Dean decided to give up but told me he’d call back soon. To be fair to him I quite enjoyed the chat, he was quite cheeky but went though all the usual compensation stuff (like the money is already there for you so it won’t effect anyone’s premiums) with some new things thrown in (like shock can be counted as mild discomfort – I confused him by saying it had been amazing that I wasn’t injured, not that it was an amazing experience).

But I’ve already made up my mind.

I’m saying no because we shouldn’t live in a culture that means every accident automatically means money is put aside.

I’m saying no because regular pestering phone calls for 3 years are not acceptable but this way I get to share my message with any company who will stay on the phone long enough to listen.

 I’m saying no because the I want to live in a place that isn’t about what I can get, but about what I can give, where who I am is more important than the money I have in the bank.

I’m saying no because I wasn’t injured and I’m not going to make a fraudulent claim.

I’m saying no.

Love is 100 Blogs

So here it is, Blog 100. I have a number of things to say about Ireland, but that can wait for another day.

Today I want to write about love.

This is NOT an engagement announcement, don’t get excited!

But I do want to talk about boyfriend. We went on a very normal and ordinary date on Sunday night. Tea out at a TexMex kind of place and then went to the cinema to see Despicable Me 2 – ordering 2 tickets for 2D Despicable Me 2 is rather a tongue twister.

Boyfriend and I have been through a number of stages, we were long distance for almost 4 years, before the 3 ish months where we were house mates, as he took over my spare bedroom. And now he lives in the next city down, about a 30 minute drive for me or an hour on the bus for him. Therefore going on traditional dates is not something we often do.

Similarly I don’t do well eating food when stressed, I have an ex who never saw me eat in the whole time we were together. One of the ways I knew that Boyfriend was special was that I could eat in front of him.

I’m a bridesmaid at a wedding in the summer and was asked for some suggested Bible readings. So after a discussion on the UK Methodist Facebook group, and a nose through the Methodist Worship book I found a long list and knocked it down to my top three for that wedding. My fave gospel passage is that of when Jesus went to a wedding- how he turned water in to wine and the ordinary into the extraordinary.

One of the other obvious passages is the Love is....

What would you say love is?

I’m very blessed that when I went to A&E with chest pain last month Boyfriend (with only a small amount of pestering) came to sit with me and then bought me a subway sandwich.

To balance that this morning Boyfriend was feeling a bit under the weather so I drove over, with breakfast and drove him to work ready for his big presentation this evening. Plus he was in a smart suit – swoon.

I love the song by Paul Bell – What I call romance. It talks about the everyday things that make love work. You can listen to it here

Love is, just sitting together eating, looking after the other when they are ill, and having someone to watch kids films with.

And here’s to another 100 blogs.

Simply waiting

While I was in Italy as part of our devotions we all shared something we were waiting for. Whether it be; news on a church event going on while we were away, news on the health of a relative, waiting for healing, waiting for a suitcase to arrive from the airport. Then it came to me, I could have talked about waiting to find a new job, knowing what God has as the next step, but I talked about waiting for the other side of my future, for when my relationship turns into a marriage.

Last night I went to an act of worship. I’d been involved in setting it up. However I still managed to engage with it, much better than I’d expected. We started by singing then there was space for people to go around the 14 prayer stations. I’d like to share with you some of my thoughts as I went around the stations, looking into some of the characters in the story and taking an item to represent their part of the story.

Take a piece of jewelled cloth...

... to remember Herod dressing Jesus in a fine robe and mocking him.

This led me to ponder on when I mock Jesus, when my faith is a joke, when I go through the motions thinking I’m doing it right, when all I’m doing is going through the motions.

Take a piece of wood...

                                ...  to remember Simon of Cyrene carrying the cross.

Is it me helping Jesus or Jesus helping me? What is my cross, what is my burden, what is it that I have to carry? Who journeys with me?

Take a nail...

                ... to remember the Roman soldiers nailing Jesus to the cross

An everyday item, used in an extraordinary way.

Take a shimmery blue stone...

                                 ... to remember Pilate washing his hands when he handed Jesus over to die

How often do I want to keep my hands clean? Make me dirty in your work Lord.

Take a piece of sponge...

                                ...  to remember the person who offered Jesus a drink.

Let me be the one who feed the hungry, clothes the naked, houses the homeless and quenches the thirsty.

Take a piece of rough cloth...

... to remember the criminals who died with Jesus

What can you say? Those who died with him, one who understood who he was. Jesus’ act of forgiveness while dying beside him.

Take a heart...

                ... to remember the mother Mary’s love and sorrow.

Here I prayed for friends. Mothers who have lost their children, mothers who are pregnant, mothers with new babies. A mixture of joy and sorrow – all surrounded by love.

Take a stone...

... to remember the stone that Joseph of Arimathea rolled in front of the tomb.

I took the stone to represent why Jesus needed to be there, and thought as it is rolled away everything that it took with it – death and sin, thoughts, words and deeds. Gone.

Take a strip of cloth...

... to remember Nicodemus wrapping up Jesus’ body.

A simple bandage. Plasters in children fix many things, in this case Nicodemus did all that he could.

Take a coin...

                ... to remember Judas betraying Jesus

How often do I sell out? How often is money the most important thing?

Take a feather...

                ... to remember Peter disowning Jesus three times before the cock crowed.

The completed bag

A feather, so colourful, so free and so light – I love placing one on my outstretched hand and blowing on it to make it float. Peter, Jesus’ best friend, disowning him,  saying I don’t know him. When it comes down to the line can I stand up and say yes I know Jesus? I hope so.

Take a piece of torn cloth...

... to remember Caiaphas tearing his clothes in anger.

What do I do when I’m angry, or break in spite? When things are out of my control...

Take some cloves...

                ... to remember the women who watched and waited.

I often feel like I’m always waiting for something.

By living simply during lent I’ve tried to live in the moment, not worry about what is next, what I’m longing for and waiting for. But, here we are Holy Saturday. A day of mourning and sadness. Waiting for the dawn. Waiting as we know what we celebrate tomorrow. God who holds us while we wait, be our light. Amen

PS - you may have noticed that was 13 and not 14, the final one was about the people of the world and we took a cut out person to think about where we are in the story and write a prayer on a cross.

Happy Easter.

Why I love MWiB

One of the recent times I’ve been grilled about Methodist Women in Britain (MWiB) I was asked about what difference the movement has made to me. That along with what does it offer to under 60s is a gift of a question. There are many things I love about being a part of MWiB. Now I just want to clarify I love men. I have a wonderful boyfriend, some great male mates who are very supportive. However there is something very special about women only movements.

There’s something special about singing and worship. I grew up going to church with my Dad and Brother. I know my Mum must have been around before I was ten, but then she preached a bit then. Most of my memories of church as a child are when Mum was a minister and therefore I sat with Dad and Brother. It is for this reason I get confused in hymns with a split mens:womens part. Anyway when I’m at an MWiB event the worship and singing is something rather beautiful, the different tones of women’s voices. I know the first time I wasn’t impressed as I had just come straight from Spring Harvest but now I love the sensitivity of it. 

There something special about the way they care. Again this is not an anti-man thing as I know I have male friends who care – as a wonderful Boyfriend, Dad and Brother. And in the case I’m going to come to later it was a male friend I text for advice first. But knowing that on a certain day of the month women all over the connexion are praying for me is rather special. The sisters, mothers, aunties, cousins and friends I can call or go round and see when I’m upset, or happy. When life goes my way, or when God’s plan isn’t obvious just yet. When my purse was stolen in Italy – I was there for a Methodist and Uniting Church Women in Europe Seminar Planning Meeting, but more about that in another blog later in lent (I will go back to simplicity soon), it was a random stranger, an angel disguised as an American women who came to my aid and gave me the money to get a new train ticket. It was my friends who I had spent the week with who texted and called later to check I was home, and even emailed telling me how excellent I had been at the planning meeting.  These are my sisters with whom I cry and laugh, sing, pray and smile.

There’s something special about the way they enable me to grow. These women are the ones who give me incredible experiences – travel to South Africa and Rome, speak to hundreds of women, introduce me to a baroness, suggest my name to go to Irish Methodist Conference. The way they support me when I’ve had a grilling about the exclusiveness of a women’s group – or the history that is older than me. They even trust me to use the twitter account. 

MWiB isn’t about members, its bigger than Methodism, bigger than women and bigger than Britain. Next year we get to meet with women, from all over Europe, in July we finish our rubber glove campaign about world wide child domestic workers when we hopefully go to Vince Cable’s office. Whether you are a man or a woman you can find out more at the MWiB website or please ask me questions.

Its special because it engages with anyone, just as they are, accepts and loves and helps us all to grow together.

And  if you still don’t believe we have anything to offer to the under 60s check out my video 

simple quality time

So, just a short blog tonight to update on my lent.

• Wednesday morning I had a lie in, before going to play in the snow!
• Thursday I spent the day focusing on tomorrow's messy church before shopping, not getting stressed by long queues at the supermarket. After this I picked Boyfriend up from work, and we decided to get take away rather than me cooking the food I'd just bought. This meant more time together, and watching Torchwood. 
• Friday started with quality time with Boyfriend, coffee morning and chats then going to lunch club - which is always great fun and this week focusing on prayer. A great supervision with Student, fab to have time with her to talk, as well as laugh. Then finally many hours, mugs of coffee and even bacon (with curly fries and an egg) for tea with my wonderful adoptive grandparents.

I say all of this as this week's living simply has been about quality time. Quality time is one of Chapman's love languages.
I'm not really making focuses for the time of lent, but seeing what happens. But so far simple living is all about love, and that sounds great to me.

Simply Lent

As blogging was part of my aims for 2012 I don’t feel too bad about the fact I’ve not blogged as regularly in 2013. However, I have two other posts that I’m currently working on. They do, I think anyway, both fit into my theme for Lent, which quite rightly needs to be started today.

In the past I’ve given things up for lent; chocolate, buying dvds, Bananas (which totally wasn’t a sacrifice). Anyway this year I wanted to do something a bit different but had no idea what.

About two weeks ago my tv died a death, in the past year of so the colours have occasionally gone, but some pulling on the wires and that soon returns to normal. However the horizontal thingy-me-whatsit has properly gone this time and I feel the Tv is no more. Two days after this happened I moved into friends’ house so it was no longer an issue (And the day inbetween me and boyfriend went to see another pair of friends to watch the rugby so it was all good.)

Monday morning my phone started crashing so I did the first thing you are meant to do when technology breaks, turned it off and on again, however it refused to turn on, and after two trips to the phone shop and hours downloading software to try to update my phone it had to go off to the phone doctors.

My Mum joked I should give up tv for lent, and this along with my phone started me thinking about living simply. So here is my challenge.  I’m not sure what it’s actually going to look like.

Today we had snow, so I went over to my local church to check no one was going to turn up to the Kinda-over 60s club. Part of the car park was untouched so I walked around it making a heart shape with my footprints. I’d have loved to take a photo but I didn’t have my phone, but maybe that's what living simply means – living in the moment. 

I’m not sure where lent is going to take me, and at some point I hope I’ll get a new tv, and in the meantime there is always iplayer and the like.

But this is my challenge, exploring a life of simplicity. Trying to uncomplicate, and not over-luxuarise things (if that’s even a word).

Bring on Lent and let’s see where this journey takes me.

sound and silence

I’ve been to the panto this evening. A friend, well the Dad in the family that has kinda adopted me was Will Scarlet and his eldest son had a fab little role too. I haven’t been to the panto in a few years, me and Boyfriend went to see John Barrowman in the one in Cardiff one New Years Eve –probably 2009/2010. For our 50 month anniversary we decided on date afternoon to go see Les Mis at the cinema (well on our actual anniversary being Methodist Geeks we went to see the President of Conference then had burgers at Spoons). Anyway I bring up Les Mis as like the panto people sing rather than talk and tonight’s blog topic is music.

On a slight tangent if I was ever on Room 101 I would put songs with siren noises hidden in. These are the ones on the radio that you have to turn off when driving just to check it’s the music not a fire engine, ambulance or police car.

I think I listen to music a lot less than some people. Maybe that’s not right, what I mean is that I don’t intentionally listen to music as much as some people do. (Not that I compare myself to others often).

I don’t own an iPod, my mp3 player is rather old, and to be honest I don’t really like head phones. During the day when I’m driving I have Radio 1 on (so that's music!), and in the evening (after 7) I choose between Radio 2’s music (must be getting old) and Radio 4’s chats (turning in to my mother), or sometimes I have a specific cd in my car; the Disney blog came out of that time of driving and cd listening. When I’m at home I sometimes put the music on my laptop, but often I just sit in silence or relative silence anyway.

Something that music does is help us recall certain memories, I’m reminded of a fellow steward whenever I hear the Yfriday version of Strength will rise, I can no longer sing And Can it Be without thinking of Boyfriend or One more step without getting the giggles from old Exec days. For everyone Born will always be a MWiB / South Africa song. Some songs have negative memories though. The other day I was on a train that was packed between Huddersfield and Manchester and at Hudds two lads, one very drunk and one not quite so drunk got on and sat one next to and the other opposite me in a four seated bit – like the table seats but without a table. They were boasting the fact they had been kicked out of 4 out of 5 clubs in Huddersfield, still wearing yesterday’s clothes and were on their way to Liverpool, or maybe Manchester. After the first stop many in our carriage got off and I had the opportunity to move seats, but believing it would cause more agro stopped where I was and had an interesting 30-40 minutes being asked if I thought they were attractive, if I could tell they were wearing yesterdays clothes and the more drunk one singing over and over again “I want to scream and shout and let it all out” This song is now in my bad books for two reasons as when it came onto the radio the other day it took me back to that train ride, but it also has siren like noises in the background.

There is one type of music I seem to listen to a lot, and obviously this goes in peaks and troughs, is on hold music. It reminds me of my grandparents and Radio 3, it reminds me of placement in 1^st year when I spent ages calling a bowling alley and each 20 seconds of song were disrupted by an advert. I don’t know what the answer is to decent on hold music, but I’ve not heard it yet.

Yesterday’s issue with music was that of a facebook game. This particular one where you have to fry or grill different types of chicken had a rather annoying sound track background, however if you turned it off you also lost the sound effects, the bell as a customer came through the door, the click of the frying pan saying it was done and the ring of the phone for take away orders. So the choice was include the annoying music or lose the detail that made the game easier.

Now I’m not about to burst into song when mid speech but I do talk a lot, so it may come as a surprise to you that I’ve booked a mostly silent retreat. The idea is at meal times I can chat with the Nuns and others who are staying at the Monastery but the rest of the time is for me, my thoughts, my questions, some books and God. I’ll probably take paper to write on, pencils to sketch with, my camera (rather than my phone) all to help me find God

Like I’ve said I don’t intentionally seek out music often, right now all I can hear is the ticking clock and the sound of the keys on my keyboard as I type. But silence, that’s something else altogether. 

Money Money Money

Before I start I should say that I blog about things I think about. This one might not say much, but blogging is the best way I know to get my thoughts to make sense. So this is a selfish blog for that reason. But if you are nosey and want to know what I’ve been thinking about money then please read on.

I went to see Mamma Mia in London, and the programme confused us as the songs were written in alphabetical order rather than order of performance in the musical, and I remember being very confused during the interval as I’d heard Money Money Money but not Gimme Gimme Gimme (a man after midnight).

Anyway, silly story aside, I’ve been thinking about money a lot recently. My Church is having a month on finance, and I’ve been having some money issues of my own. Now I must state before I start that I’ve never been without money, I just happen to have most of my savings hidden in an ISA and am loathed to have to remove them. As you may know I had a couple of car accidents last year which has meant paying out excesses, though the first one I’ve had back and the second is currently waiting on next month’s credit card bill. I’m also loathed to use said credit card but at the moment it seems to be a necessary evil, and as long as my expenses come back from work – which I banked today, I can get it paid off straight away. The fact I’m owed an increment in my pay is another story all together and that’s all down to HQ far away so that adds to the fun.

What I have currently is a cash flow problem, its stopping me from doing some of the things that I usually take for granted – trips to the chippy for example. I’m not poor, but my savings are there so I can hopefully and eventually buy a house.

Yesterday at my youth group we were talking about tithing, the act of giving 10% of income away, whether that be charity or the church. I’ve recently stopped giving to some of the charities I support, though know I need to increase my giving to my church – I go to circuit meeting, I understand the budget, and I know how much my expenses are.

I

’ve always been someone who prefers an extra jumper to a heater, but I think at the moment – and since Dad set me up a spreadsheet so that I can forecast months into the future I’m a bit more wary of how I spend my money. I’m nowhere near poor, this is totally a 1^st world problem, but these are big decisions to make. One activity the Minister is doing as he goes round the House groups (spoiler alert) and the Youth Fellowship was if you were leaving your house for good in an emergence / disaster what 10 items would you put in a carrier bag. Some of them would be practical, torch, radio, others are sentimental – teddy, poems, and a further third category for me were about keeping control, every plan may have changed in my diary but I’d still like to know what day it was and also to mark off key events in my journal.

When Boyfriend and I started dating I paid for a lot of the stuff, I was working and he wasn’t. Sometimes I’d hand him the money and he’d pay, other times we would split the bill. It never bothered me paying more than him. Now it’s strange, with both of us working full time sometimes he treats me, especially when it’s something that needs small change – those tips really help when you need money for parking.  I’m getting used to being the one not paying all the time. Though I earn more my house is more expensive, my bills are on top and his are included. Though one day we’ll have a joint bank account and only 1 set of bills, but that’s a different issue altogether.

I don’t have answers, just thoughts. I want to use my money wisely, I don’t want to save it for the sake of saving. Big questions.


PS - this week did a couple of guest blogs at www.mwib.org.uk 

5 years of inspiration

My little Methodist sister gave me a really fab birthday present last year –a five year journal. It has in it 366 questions and 5 gaps to answer each one. Brother and Boyfriend were discussing how long I’d last, and Brother was wrong – I got past Wednesday night. I’ve got into a routine of filling in the question when I get in to bed, before ringing Boyfriend for our nightly chat. I also read the next day’s question, in case there is something I need to look out for the next day.

Yesterday’s question is "what inspired you today?" So I tried to keep a look out for inspiration. I picked up on people’s courage, the kindness of companies and helpfulness of friends.

If only it had been today!

Today I’ve realised that I’m not grateful enough for what I have. Yes I’ve had a few interesting days with swapping hire cars – long story, tell you another day! But tonight I’ve had a very exciting email asking me to go to Europe for a planning meeting!

Life is good! Sometimes it's not, but let's remember when it is that we need to realise how special and exciting it can be.

Also, this week I’ve made a cake by myself – I kinda burnt the topping but managed to just cover it in buttons – see the photo! I also made chilli – not that that is a new thing. Tomorrow I’m planning on learning how to make soup! Wish me luck.

Hope 2013 is going well for you.

Me, My friends and Christmas

I’ve always loved tests – by that before you label me as a geek I mean personality tests: Myers-Briggs, IQ tests, those sorts of things. I’m also a bit of a self-reflector – probably why I like blogging. Myers-Briggs usually puts me as an extrovert; it’s close, but certainly more extroverted than introverted. I do enjoy my alone time. Tonight I was walking home from work across Lancaster, trying to remember where I’d left my car, thinking about this blog. Similarly I love thinking when I’m driving, so much so that an old housemate (not old, well older than me, but a previous housemate) got me a notebook for my Birthday/Christmas and in it wrote “I thought you could keep [this notebook] in your glove box to record all the great ideas that come to you when you are driving (when it’s safe and legal to do so!)”

However it’s a bit strange at the moment to be on my own. I’ve spent about 40 hours this week at my parents house – the place people keep asking me when I’m going home for Christmas to, ignoring the fact I’ve never really lived there as they moved in ‘the year of all the house moves’ aka 2010. My parents are both ill, though Mum has managed to do a funeral today, so Tuesday evening I drove over there, after a wonderful 8 year old gave me some sweets to give to my poorly parents as I couldn’t go to his Christingle Service as I had to go home. This meant I was there ready to take parents to doctors Wednesday morning – the main reason for me going really, as Brother isn’t insured to drive them. Brother and I then got writing the Christmas cards – well he wrote (as he’s got mum’s neat handwriting) and I found all the names and stuck the addresses on the envelopes. We played many card games, I typed up the funeral talk and found out we couldn’t do a Tesco order, so this morning Brother and I went to Sainsburys, where he got double nectar points on the mammoth Christmas shop! What I’ve realised is that I would have had a very different childhood had I been a young carer, and Brother is better at it than me: he walked the dog, did some washing up and made me coffee.

It’s funny really. When Mum was the age I was now she had me. I would have been about 16 months at this point; I feel a bit young to be the caregiver of a child. Babysitting is ok, cuddling little ones at work is fine - I get to give them back. I also thought I would have a few more years before I had to look after my parents and to be fair to them, they are hardly ever ill, and should be well soon so life will be back to normal.

I’ve quite enjoyed buying Christmas presents. In my opinion there’s no point in earning money if I don’t get to share it with others I love. My kinda adoptive family have fed me most weeks of the year and one way of saying thanks and “I love you guys” is by buying them all gifts.

What I’m trying to say is that friendship is really important. I love my time alone, but I thrive best with other people, whether that be looking after my parents, playing card games with Brother or other friends, getting cuddles while reading the same book over and over again with a 2 year old and just the quality time spent with friends. We all need a bit of help sometimes - recently Boyfriend spent his day off helping me get on top of the washing up – cos he’s fab like that.

So this Christmas, if you manage to forget, it’s actually about Jesus being born. Remember it’s about love, friendship, being generous and hugs.

And if I don’t blog again before next Tuesday – Merry Christmas. 

time to blog

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time recently thinking about how I spend my time – ironic I know. I got in from work one evening recently, too early to go to bed, but too late to really start anything and thought about all the things I could do. I hadn’t bought my Christmas cards, I wasn’t really in a Christmassy mood so wasn’t ready to put the decorations up. I wanted to do something useful, I could have written a Faith and Worship essay for my Local Preaching training, I could have written a blog in the end I watched TV! Similarly on Tuesday – my day off - I spent much of it watching YouTube.

Since boyfriend moved out time is more complicated, he’s not so far away that I can’t go see him for a few hours. But it means we have to plan seeing each other. Soppy warning,  I really miss boyfriend in the evenings, getting in to an empty house is strange, and just sitting seems a bit worthless when he isn’t here. (ok I’ve stopped now – I blame my little Methodist Sister – she wanted me to blog).

It’s my birthday on Remembrance Day, this year Remembrance Sunday. Someone text me wishing me a happy birthday and asking what it’s like being a remembrance baby. I know other special birthday babies can like the day, knowing they will get cards on Valentines day, but I bet Christmas must be a pain, Remembrance day is rather odd, strange being excited on such a solemn day. I used to get excited by poppies, and mad as a child I had to be silent for two whole minutes. This year I spent remembrance day at church, it was rather a traditional service, which is to be expected I guess,  a chance for people to think about others they have lost in the wars. It wasn’t really for me, but I know some of the older folk of the church enjoyed it. I don’t want to talk about wars, but remembering is really important. Reflecting on what has happened, ensuring we go forward, by learning from the past rather than reliving it.

I was preaching last Sunday, and was able to use part of a sermon written 65 years earlier by my Big Grandad – Walter Harris. It was rather exciting to be able to say words that he said, all those years ago. I was very glad the lectionary was John the Baptist as at the point I was still a bit anti-Christmas, but since then I’ve got into the festive mood, my tree is now up – see the photo, that was Wednesday night’s job when I got in from one of the many Christmas themed messy churches. 

One of my birthday presents was a 5 year journal, with a question for each day of the year, and 5 slots to answer it, I’m really looking forward to being able to track my opinions, actions, thoughts and beliefs over the next 5 years.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’m working out how to use my time wisely, 2012 has been a  big year for many reasons and that blog is to follow, but right now each day should be treated as a gift, and I need to work out how to use them to their best. Whether that be chilling, getting Christmassy, working hard, or remembering the past. 

Moving Out, Moving On

Mondays are always a bit strange for me. A while ago on Twitter there was a hashtag going round - #youthworksongs - and one changed 'Working 9-5' to a normal day of a youth worker, mine today would be 'Working 9-11, 3-5, 6:30-9:30, what a way to make a living'. But it's actually the gaps I want to focus on today. Monday is the last day of my working week, and as I worked last Tuesday (though technically had the Saturday of 3Gen off it’s my first day off in 9 days tomorrow. This is, however, the first time I’ve sat at my laptop all day, so emails will have to wait till Wednesday.

Anyway today!

Today was the day I’ve been dreading for quite a while. The day Boyfriend moved out. I knew as soon as he moved in that it wasn’t forever. We have always said we wouldn’t live together before we got married, but as he got his job in nearby city and no real time to house hunt before he started, he moved in and my study / guest room was occupied again.

Car has been playing up in the normal way today –but it's off to the garage in the morning so that should hopefully be the end of that! So any time I say 'so we/I drove here or there' imagine a few minutes of the car not starting to add to the stress. I got home from my exciting Monday morning meeting (not sarcasm, I really do enjoy it) to get the car packed up, Boyfriend was mostly packed, had sorted the details and soon we were on our way to letting agent office number 1 to sign paperwork, the cheap supermarket for lunch then letting agent office 2 to get keys. Then finally to the house, where Boyfriend met one housemate leaving for work and we moved stuff in, made the bed, unpacked the clothes, had lunch, moved the furniture, drove Boyfriend back to letting agent office 2 as there were issues with keys and I drove off back to work. 2 hours later, I have an hour and a half to kill and decide to look for a single friendly eatery (as you get funny looks in some places asking for a table for one); the local supermarket cafe stopped serving at 5 (it was 5:05 at this point) and my fave pub for eating in didn’t start till 6. So off I went to Indian takeaway for Chicken Korma. Realising at this point I had no cutlery and stealing from a supermarket cafe is wrong I went and found plastic cutlery to buy – so now I’m prepared for next nine times I need to eat takeaway in my car! It was also about this point that I had a fab chat with a great friend, who let me rant and work out how I was feeling –as well as making me laugh, before going back off to work.

Today is a sad day. (I'd bet that there aren't many relationships where moving out from your partner's house is seen as progress. It is quite nice to know we can live together, yes the house is a bit messy, and we argue about silly things but I still love that man. It has been a lovely couple of months, and we still aren’t about to dance up the aisle (Though my proof reader states “I'm not dancing up the aisle ever!” ), but I think we are closer, and realistically if he can move out when I’m working at 11 and 3, I’m pretty sure I’m going to see a lot more of him than I ever did when he lived in that other country.

So yes it's sad, but it's another step on our journey, moving on as well as moving out and I’m not going to become a wimpy missing him kinda person, I’m a hardened Long Distance Relationshipper who is, as Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat sang, “Lucky [to be] in love with my best friend” 

Ode to a youth event

This isn’t an Ode, but “Essay to a youth event” doesn’t have the same ring to it. It is however a very long self indulgent blog, so really don’t feel you have to read it all, but if you want to please do, or just add your own memories of the past few youth weekends.

Yesterday was the end of an era.

Not sure I would describe it is as the end of a chapter as I don’t think my life works quite like that – as so much would overlap. And it’s not the end, but that’s another story .

Disclaimer! This is going to be full of Methodist Jargon – I will try to explain as I go along and may also be repeating stories I’ve told before, but sometimes you have to hear everything together.

Firstly, it was my birthday last week, that is important – but I’m not going to focus on that today, another blog there too.

When I started writing this blog I was sitting watching Strictly and eating take away (which I paid for despite it being Boyfriend’s turn to cook!) Yes, I thought I’d tell you as it’s always nice to know there is a happy ending. But I’m going to start my story about 11 years ago. The weekend of my 13^th birthday. Donkey Derby was my first link to MAYC (as it was then) and Connexional Methodism, with the youth weekend. 

Skipping forward to summer 2006, a very important conversation happened as someone turned up at my front door trying to persuade me to go to Methodist Youth Conference (MYC). If I’d decided not to bother I think know my life would have been completely different. You’ll see!

So November 2006 a week after my 18^th birthday I went off to Norwich in a car with two lads from my district. My memories include a youth pres in bright trousers, discussions on the Godfrey Report – with the exec members taking their tops on and off a lot! The posh meal on the Saturday night, lending an ecumenical rep my towel, sleeping on a school floor – and getting quite a bit of sleep. Being supported to go for exec – by lovely district boys. Hustings with questions about potatoes and streetlights, being voted on – and the moment the returning officer came to tell me I’d been voted in, the funny moment in the handover when the VP muscled in, and talking to the new youth pres on the stairs queuing for lunch.

5 exec meetings (including the legendary car journey with step by step 2 and the Save Methodist Youth Work petition...) and some YPS reference group meetings later and we were on the way to Cardiff. This was also the start of my fairytale. This was where I met Boyfriend; due to others being delayed I was the first to arrive at the station where I first saw him – he’d seen me a year earlier during Hustings in the big chairs that made me look even smaller than I am. That weekend is a blur of spending hours at the station, finishing the presentation about the YPS for the next morning – which included Harry Potter - and discussions that led to DYEs being suggested as a name for the employed people. There was pizza, worship, business, I even remember being told of by the chair for not being in the right place. This was the year we didn’t vote for a Youth Pres and gained 5 new exec members – most of which were new boys – rather than the experienced girls we were expecting.

Another year of Youth Exec meetings, Breakout, and speaking at Big Conference just before the big YPS vote.

Northampton was the last ever MYC. A strange event for many reasons. For one boyfriend and I got together less than a week earlier and no one knew. Little exec sister had made me a shell cake that those in the office enjoyed. The vote for the new Youth Pres was very close and was tricky for the exec to vote for – being between two of our own. We had workshops; I ran the “understanding MYC” session 3 times, as the first one started an hour early so had to do two more at the designated times. We launched the campaign for the Methodist Nunnery – as the mock resolution. My teddy sat on the main desk. And all of the exec girls (except maybe the new Youth Pres) and probably some of the lads cried through worship as we were the last ever exec. There was also lots of dancing that year, the returning officer was disappointed cos there was no custard and the exec all got dressed up very smart –the pampering in one of the girls’ rooms was great fun. I was driven to and from this weekend and was grilled on the way home about my relationship that was now out in the open.

It was at this point I decided that I needed some time out, so I took myself off the YPS reference group. The summer of 2009 I was asked if I would co-run the detached youth work team at Breakout the following summer and help facilitate at the first Youth Assembly (MYA). This led to some late night driving across England for the planning weekend of Durham.

Mid November arrived and so did more floods, but my car half full of delegates – as others wouldn’t come as their parents didn’t trust my car to get us to Durham –we did fine,  arrived late Friday evening at Durham. I must say this weekend is probably the low of the story. I know some young people enjoyed it, but it felt like a backward step – looking back what we had done was thrown the baby out with the bath water, wanting to move away from MYC to something new we lost something. This event also included tears, these more in frustration. Due to no one’s fault we didn’t have a full time youth pres to preside over the event, so much of it was adult led, the youth pres elections were very complicated and I remember a number of us were annoyed there was no grace at mealtimes! We learnt a lot that year. There were good moments too – late on the Saturday when the 18pluses who were staying on site (as many had to be put into a local hotel as the event was over booked accidentily) we ate ginger birthday cake out of a glass bowl, and talked about the usual Methodist geeky stuff.

Then we came to Breakout 2010 – another last. Though me and Oggy had a fab weekend with the Linkies, many of my memories were from the campsite rather than the event grounds, but one memory that will last a life time is when we turned the orchard into my late night garden, with tea lights in jam jars and LED balloons. It was truly special, the conversations, the games, the whole experience. All too soon the event was over and it was then that I was done with volunteering for the Methodist Church for a while.

MYA 2010 in Swindon was my first since 2006 that I didn’t have a job.  I missed having the office to hang out in, but I didn’t miss the stress. The train journey had been interesting.  The highlights included spontaneous and slightly rebellious worship that the VP’s Husband joined us for. I’m pretty sure this was a cry-free year! This was the first time I felt old - I had just graduated and being in a session about the future with 16 year olds was tricky. I also remember sitting in a window on a value continuum about Presidency. This was the first year we trialed the voting pads – who wants to be a millionaire style, and the team forgot Wales existed. I went this year wanting to be good enough that I wouldn't have to go again if I didn’t want to. After Durham I felt like we’d ruined MYC and replaced it with something worse, however after Swindon I knew there was still work to do, but that it would be as good (while being totally different) if not better than MYC.

Fast forward another 12 months and 3Generate (3Gen) was born  - the new name for Children and Youth assembly, starting at the age of 9 and going up to 23. So off we went to Ludlow railway station for a new way of working – this time as a member of the 18+ stream – and still not volunteering, but with a very different and distinct role- as the girlfriend of a Youth Pres candidate. I arrived late after a train journey that involved ukulele worship and so we missed the evening worship to eat food. I remember not sleeping well due to one room mate (mentioning no names – well not that I ever do, but you know) snored both nights. The sessions were challenging and I still have the final evaluation on my fridge, challenging me to be real – something I was challenged on in the preaching session and I meant to look into what I can do about Poverty. However my big thing that came out of that weekend, which led to me crying through most of worship including getting communion off the district chair who very delicately held my hand for a little longer than normal when handing me the bread and scaring an OPP as she handed me the wine, was planning for the future. Due to the fact Boyfriend did not become Youth Pres 2012/3 the future had been thrown open once again, at this point neither of us had a job past April. It was the next day that he started his Christmas temp job at his local pizza making restaurant. Just like to say what fab chaplains we have!

It was just after this that I decided I’d had enough years off and was ready to once again volunteer for the event. So I joined the 18+ planning group. I was also invited as a youth worker to join the 8-17s consultation group, as this was the new way of getting the children and young people to plan the event.

So Friday finally rolled up and off I went to get a bus, 2 trains and a minibus to somewhere not very far from a place I used to call home. After checking in, being shown to my room by a hansome steward, designing a mug, finding some tea it was time to go to the all2gether and be2gether, the funky names for the opener for everyone and worship, we were in gen groups – I was facilitator of gen group 26! (Which has just occurred to me that that was something we’ve played with over years - like the dinner tables at Durham, and is something that was very MYC.) After that we watched some of Children in Need, then bed!

Saturday started with me getting up first, having a shower and making a cup of coffee before breakfast, where I had cereal! Then me and my co-worship leader led worship and I did the longest notices ever and we played human bingo with a twist. We heard Mumford and Sons sing I will wait, and I believe the aim was for us to think about us waiting on God, but for me the night before I’d kinda been winded by God’s presence – just like whoosh! Wow God is here! So for me was like God singing I will wait to me, that he’s always there waiting for me to engage, not intrusive but patiently waiting for me, for us to want to be with him. This was followed by a very interesting session about living sustainably and everyone I’ve spoken  to about what they were taking away from the weekend who talked about the input mentioned this session. The video about the no impact man was so incredible, could you imagine not using lifts, trains, the tv for a whole year? Apparently it brought the family closer together, but wasn’t always easy.  After the bacon butty break we got into the cohabitation session, this again was really interesting discussing our definition of cohabitation and looking at some case studies, obviously with such a topic you have to be careful with what you say, unfortunately Boyfriend (who was leading this session) told everyone I couldn’t enter the quiz as ‘I’ve already done it with her.’ The laughter started when someone realised what he said and it slowly went around the room with me getting redder and redder. After this was lunch – a rather unappetising chicken casserole. After that it was time to set up for the justice village, when one of my MWiB friends came to join me to talk to young people about Children Unite, to get people to sign gloves, draw around their hands and find out more about child domestic workers. This did mean I missed grill the youth pres candidates’ session.

After setting down the justice village I arrived a few minutes late to the relationships sofa chat. It was great that young people can share experiences, questions and confusion while throwing a duck around the room. A nice chat with the expert facilitator about another event I had seen him at was very helpful, and then off to tea which was very quiet as we were eating later than the younger groups. Then there was a session that never happened followed by a chat about the day, which led to conversations slightly later about how we adapt the event to what people want. We left the room so that some people could pray and had time to chat with people before it was time to go on the bouncy slide / assault course, where I raced twice without my glasses and came 2^nd both times –out of 2, with my competitor finishing before I’d even got to start the last climbing wall / slide. I also hurt my hip.

After this the exciting late night chats happened, a group choosing not to go to worship but instead try and tease out what we thought God was saying about what we had to do – in this case using our passion as a form of discernment, pushing on doors to see if things were possible. Thats all I’ll say now but things are afoot. I went to bed late after staying up till Boyfriend was allowed to go to bed then late night chats in our bedroom, about boys, the day, voting, Methodism, and other such things you’d expect in a girls dorm.

Sunday morning felt very early, we stripped beds, packed, saw a beautiful view over the misty lakes and got our cooked breakfast J. Then it was time for voting, before going off to our own 18+ room for the final session about PEGs – Personal reflections on the weekend, what we are going to take to our home church Environment and how that is all held together by God the hinge. The planning team then read the evaluation forms, seeing what we thought we had totally planned was not understood the way we saw it, but hey, that event management for you.

Closing worship was fab, time in our Gen Groups looking at the covenant prayer, that I know I’ve blogged on before, and I only very nearly cried once – when asked what I had taken from the weekend. And communion in mixed groups which meant I got to sit between two good friends, one who gave me the bread and the other the wine – as I was opposite the chaplain who had started with both. Worship over it was time for food, and the long goodbyes. I also went in hunt of my mug, that I had to go though the bin to get back. We left the venue on a bus of friends, got the 3 trains back, and even though it was 9 minutes late we made our first connection as the train we needed was behind it! I got Hot Chocolate at the station I hate the most, and then walked very fast across local city to get the bus, and home about 6ish! Boyfriend who I’d told had to cook tea as he got home an hour before me decided we would order take away. My mum rang and I mumbled about being tired down the phone at her, so she said she’d ring another time, and I went off to bed. Shattered after a very long but amazing 6 year journey.

If you have made it to this point then you deserve a medal! At 2828 words this is my longest blog ever I’d think. I assume if you’ve got this far you are part of the journey somewhere so thank you got your part and here’s to the future, cos you never know what might happen next!