Stay Optimistic

Sometimes I blog cos there is something I really want to explore and blogging helps me deal with things. Sometimes I blog cos I'm doing something on a theme and trying to keep it up to date. Today I'm blogging cos I have some time and my current knitting project is out of my reach!

I've blogged before about clothing, and how linked to power and decisions it is. I got in trouble in the past week or so about clothing. I made a comment that was taken badly, and along with that, the general stress of church work and my passport being missing I've had a bit of a down week. I'm generally a bouncy person – it annoys boyfriend as I recover from arguments or upsets much quicker than he does, so it's always tricky when I can't shift out of a down couple of days. This weekend however has really cheered me up.

Firstly an old colleague came to visit, which meant I got late night chats and hugs at bed time.

Then we went to Youth Work Summit, an amazing day which has given me loads to reflect on, I caught up with old friends, and even made a new one who does a similar job to me locally – and we've agreed to meet up for coffee. By lunch time I was in a much better mood and that meant I got to engage much better with the worship later in the day.

Then this morning I was preaching. I wrote a brand new sermon last night, picking up on some of the things I'd heard during the day, and things I'd be pondering for a few weeks, and had a fab time this morning worshiping, questioning, praying, quizzing, and generally having fun in a pulpit (well lecturn but you know). After that the two preachers who were assessing my service said nice things, my words are much clearer and people engaged well with the whole service.

A few weeks ago now I was walking from my house to that of my parents and half way up the last bit of hill is this bench. I love positive graffiti. At that moment it gave me a real lift as, as you may know I'm not a fan of walking – or any exercise really. It's now the background of my work laptop.

I just want to say thanks to those of you who have helped to cheer me up, checked when my odd sock playing had dropped, sent me chocolate through the post, and to my Mum who was here to help when I found my passport – my leopard was looking after it. (I do realise I'm 25 and still have cuddly toys, that's ok!) Thank you my lovely friends who have all contributed to helping me stay optimistic. Let's see what the next week has in store.  

Lent 6 - Risky love

Welcome to holy week.

The week we experience it all; the exuberance of Palm Sunday, the righteous anger in the Temple, the last supper of a group of friends, betrayal, denial, torture, suicide, death, grieving, resurrection, new life, joy, questions, doubts, breakfast. What a week!

I was trying to think of a certain quotation about life being a race, and I came across a long list. I think my fave is - 'Life is like a Taxi. The meter keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.'

A current favourite movie of me and those closes to me is 'About Time'; the story of a man who can time travel, who can repeat time and make it better. This is a totally different world to that of Dr Who as in About Time you can't meet yourself and cause a paradox. Though changing too much can totally change the present. The main character and his Dad (who can also time travel) both have a different ideology as to how to best use the gift and live out each day to the best - I won't tell you how, that's as River Song would say "spoilers"

Last night I was at a Maundy Thursday meal and communion. Based on an Iona liturgy of doubters, betrayers, deniers, all. we had the choice of getting communion from one of four stations with a special liturgy to fit with that character.

     Thomas for those who doubt themselves, others and God,

     Judas for those who betrayed themselves, others and God,

     Peter for those who have denied themselves, others and God,

     and the others, the secret, silent ways we fail, the times we don't wash feet or love others.

It also have 6 stories of the last thing I said to them. Last words are often remembered. What if the last thing you said to someone, was the last thing.

This week's reflection touches on who we journey with. Who have you chosen to journey with. It's risky to travel with people, but even more so to travel alone. Love is risky. Today at the Good Friday service three nails were hammered into the cross, it was a powerful sound. What would it have been like for Jesus' friends to hear, to see.

Jesus chose the ultimate path, my life journey hasn't always been simple, but when you think of Christians in other countries, people in extreme poverty. My life hasn't been hard. Some days I wonder why God has called me to this life path, but then usually one of my friends makes it okay.

I read another blog the other day, written by a mother who says 6 simple words have changed the way she talks to her children. "I love to watch you play"

So to you, my wonderful friends, who I've chosen to journey with.

I love to hear your stories

I love to see your photos

I love to get your emails

I love to stay up all night talking

I love your hugs

and most of all

I love your friendship.

Life is a journey, with its ups and downs, but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Happy Easter.

Saving God, it is not just that I find it hard to trust you; rather that I don't trust my own judgement.

Sometimes you seem to invite me to choose a path that scares me. Help me to keep close to you, that I may

glimpse you on the path ahead, follow you and find your way today. Amen

Lent 4 - Risky walking

I don't really do walking.  Once for boyfriend's birthday we walked up a local hill, we did this with 2 puffs of my inhailer and stopping to sit on all but one bench along the way. It may have been then I dreamed up the brilliant idea of sn ice cream vending machine on every hill top. I'd obviously need a quadbike to get me to the top of them all.

Since I've stopped going on holiday with them, my parents have gone on a few walking holidays, especially with my brother.

I use my asthma as a reason,  but you may know I've run the cancer research 5k twice, firstly in 42 minutes, then in 36. I enjoy the countryside, but am happy to drive through. I would of course walk along the beach - they have ice cream there.

This week's reflection and image are based on lindersfarn. I've not been there but I assume it's like Iona. I've done a pilgrimage around the island. Iona is a special "thin" place.

The reflection talks about the importance of timing in our faith.  Getting to Iona is a task of timing in its own right, I remember dashing across Glasgow and then again to get the first boat and the ferry. Similarly throughout the year, and especially as I work for the church, I try to get to a number of different festivals and worship with different people and in different contexts. The phrase people use is being "feed."
In the same way when I've gone to many days without a day off or too many weeks without seeing boyfriend I can't go too long just doing things for God and not just being with God. Maybe even proved by the very last minute posting of this blog.

The last question about those you journey with. I have a few friends facing death of a loved one at this time.  If you pray, please do, God knows who they are.

And to finish with the prayer from the resource.

Lord Jesus, who resolutely set your face towards Jerusalem though the way was hard and lonely, strengthen my resolve to follow the path you have marked out for me at this stage in my life. May I take opportunities to be alongside fellow pilgrims as if in service to you.  Amen

Lent 2 - Risky balancing act

Week two lent reflections based on this download. And the image is this one. 

It looks like a person walking on a tightrope though as you look closer at the image you see a person ready to provide safety.

Is your life like walking on a tightrope? Often it feels like my life is balanced and then something else gets thrown at me and it knocks me, it's then when balancing everything is that much harder. There has been a lot of death around at the moment, or friends dealing with terminal diagnoses. Its the days you hear that sort of news you hope you are on a pavement not a tightrope to start with.

I have a busy life. I have a full time job, a long distance relationship,  my voluntary work with MWiB and my local preaching studies. I had a weekend off this weekend and went to boyfriend's house with 4 other friends for a weekend of fun, games, food, gender stereotypes and general Methodist geekery. Was really nice to relax, and spend time with friends, and boyfriend after he'd had a particularly rough week. Sunday morning we went to church and the minister said instead of a sermon the service would be made up of songs, readings, meditations from the biblical characters' perspectives and communion. This gave me a chance to pick up my own reflections throughout the service. One story told was that of Mary and Martha. The line that struck me was in Mary's meditation which pondered on why Martha had to keep so busy and whether her busyness hid an emptiness? Are we so busy balancing everything,  keeping busy that we are stuck on our tightrope.

What is lent about? Do we give vices up to make ourselves feel righteous? But does it bring us closer to God?

One song we sang had the line
"Never let my heart grow cold." That is my prayer, that I'm never too busy trying to balance my life one step at a time to know that God has his arms ready to catch me.

The words accompanying this image, called I Am With You Always, on the McCrimmon website are: 

“Turn to Me, your Saviour. 

Put your trust in Me and in the power of My Spirit. 

Put Me first in your life, no matter what the cost. 

Open your heart to Me, in reverence and humility.”

Would losing control and falling off the tightrope into God's arms be that bad? Sometimes we need to totally abandon ourselves to God, life will still be there when we get back on the path, it just may look very different, a new normal.

One of the other stories shared in the morning's worship was that of the transfiguration. The characters both talked of their joy at the time and not wanting to return to normality after such an awe inspiring experience.
Sometimes we have an amazing experience and returning to normality is really difficult. Strong spiritual experiences are great, but if we see our general lives as time balancing on our own and not relying on God,  even though his arms are ready to catch us.

We often split our lives,  we separate our online and offline lives.  My Boyfriend tells me off when I talk about my job as my real life and my voluntary things as another part of life. There is a whole blog post on what makes up life and why our job is how we describe ourselves, but this is not that.

I don't know if this is what the writer or artist was aiming for but I think I'd prefer to fail and be in God's arms rather than struggle on alone. And be in God's arms in all that I do, and all the parts of my life.

To close, the prayer from the resource.

Saving God, you watch over me tenderly, ready to catch me when I fall. As I try to maintain balance in my life, help me to trust you. As I walk the narrow path of faithful commitment, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you. Amen

Stop and apply handbrake – review of 2013

When you learn to drive you are taught the difference between give way and stop. The best way to show the examiner that you know the difference is to apply the handbrake at a Stop sign, to show you have come to a complete stop. Whereas at a Give way you pause, look and if it’s safe go.

At the moment life feels a bit non-stop. It might not be the case it might just be I’m focusing on different things and in my spare time I’m now knitting (something I learnt in 2013) rather than blogging and in my new job I’m driving less, and driving was my thinking-of-blogs time.

Looking back, each year is that bit different to the others, I’m not saying on December 31^st things stop and January 1^st other things start but there are definite treads in each year.

2010 was the year of five addresses, I graduated, went full time, and at the very end lived on my own.

2011 was the year things started. I got my passport and went to South Africa, MWiB came into existence.

2012 was the year of interviews – well eight weeks of it was anyway, with seven interviews squished in them.

2012 was the year I challenged myself to run 5K to complete my Grade 5 Music theory.

Then there was 2013.

                A year in two halves, the first eight months were saying goodbye, packing up. It was about half way through those eight months I was offered my new job. Subsequently the final four months of 2013 were hellos, fresh starts, and new challenges.

It was the year I left the first place I’d chosen to live. That beautiful little city where I went for university will always have a place in my heart. I loved living there and miss it and it’s people.

2013 I grew up. I bought a house, I got a mortgage, I learnt what a damp proof course, a retainer on a mortgage and all sorts of other jargon was.

2013 has also been a year when I didn’t go to things. I missed Spring Harvest due to it clashing with MWiB weekend – and actually my job interview. I missed Greenbelt because I was bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. So both good reasons! Then I missed 3Generate – as I’m too old – but I was on local radio that Sunday morning. That weekend was also five year anniversary of me and boyfriend! That is a long time! Much of 2013 was spent as a short distance relationship, which meant dates to the cinema, art gallery and a new found love of Chiquito’s popcorn. (We also went to a very beautiful wedding with lots of driving as I didn’t realise how big Yorkshire is). Boyfriend has now moved far away – sad face. My best friend has also moved far away – in her case to the other side of the world – very sad face. I did get to go to the weekend of Conference in London, and Soul Survivor with my young people – playing the animal game almost constantly, was really lovely when they wanted me to play. The other great moment was when one of my young people mentioned my passion for participation – “you always let us decide together” - win!

One of the most impressive things of the year was the fact I managed to do my journal every day, something my Brother and Boyfriend both thought was way beyond me.

2013 was also a year of travelling. My trip to Italy to help plan the seminar there this June was a great time –well despite having my purse stolen. I got to go to Northern Ireland for the Irish Methodist Conference– something I didn’t blog enough about, but the President’s sermon about Joshua 3 has reoccurred in many of my own sermons. I got to see the theological college which is a beautiful place to study in. The whole Conference was God centred and prayer was a key aspect. I also got to see Irish Helen Kim Memorial Scholar J.

Soon after that I ran 5K in 36 minutes – 6 minutes faster than the year before and much helped by the Youth President’s fitness regime while I was in Ireland.

Then there was Paris. Part of my new job is helping with the Churches’ Scout group and in October half term we got to go to France and meet Minnie Mouse, we did get the ferry in the awful storms. Other parts of my new job include a toddler group, lots of different styles of worship and a very busy advent.

You will now realise that it is February, and we are already 1/12 into 2014. What does it have in store?  So far I’ve been trying to set up my pension, I’ve knit two snoods (one for me and one for Mum) and visited boyfriend in his brand new exciting job – see his blog here for more on that.

2014 will be another year of solitude evasion - finding ways of building community. It will hopefully me the last full year that I’m single, (like I had to put on a form the other day). It’s a year of more new experiences, running an international conference in Rome, and so far a year of three weddings, every year has had a different number recently – very clever of you my friends.

I think I need to pause more, to put on the handbrake, reflect what’s happened. So bring on 2014! Let’s hope it’s not as manic as 2013 but just as fun and action packed. 

Why I love MWiB

One of the recent times I’ve been grilled about Methodist Women in Britain (MWiB) I was asked about what difference the movement has made to me. That along with what does it offer to under 60s is a gift of a question. There are many things I love about being a part of MWiB. Now I just want to clarify I love men. I have a wonderful boyfriend, some great male mates who are very supportive. However there is something very special about women only movements.

There’s something special about singing and worship. I grew up going to church with my Dad and Brother. I know my Mum must have been around before I was ten, but then she preached a bit then. Most of my memories of church as a child are when Mum was a minister and therefore I sat with Dad and Brother. It is for this reason I get confused in hymns with a split mens:womens part. Anyway when I’m at an MWiB event the worship and singing is something rather beautiful, the different tones of women’s voices. I know the first time I wasn’t impressed as I had just come straight from Spring Harvest but now I love the sensitivity of it. 

There something special about the way they care. Again this is not an anti-man thing as I know I have male friends who care – as a wonderful Boyfriend, Dad and Brother. And in the case I’m going to come to later it was a male friend I text for advice first. But knowing that on a certain day of the month women all over the connexion are praying for me is rather special. The sisters, mothers, aunties, cousins and friends I can call or go round and see when I’m upset, or happy. When life goes my way, or when God’s plan isn’t obvious just yet. When my purse was stolen in Italy – I was there for a Methodist and Uniting Church Women in Europe Seminar Planning Meeting, but more about that in another blog later in lent (I will go back to simplicity soon), it was a random stranger, an angel disguised as an American women who came to my aid and gave me the money to get a new train ticket. It was my friends who I had spent the week with who texted and called later to check I was home, and even emailed telling me how excellent I had been at the planning meeting.  These are my sisters with whom I cry and laugh, sing, pray and smile.

There’s something special about the way they enable me to grow. These women are the ones who give me incredible experiences – travel to South Africa and Rome, speak to hundreds of women, introduce me to a baroness, suggest my name to go to Irish Methodist Conference. The way they support me when I’ve had a grilling about the exclusiveness of a women’s group – or the history that is older than me. They even trust me to use the twitter account. 

MWiB isn’t about members, its bigger than Methodism, bigger than women and bigger than Britain. Next year we get to meet with women, from all over Europe, in July we finish our rubber glove campaign about world wide child domestic workers when we hopefully go to Vince Cable’s office. Whether you are a man or a woman you can find out more at the MWiB website or please ask me questions.

Its special because it engages with anyone, just as they are, accepts and loves and helps us all to grow together.

And  if you still don’t believe we have anything to offer to the under 60s check out my video 

simple quality time

So, just a short blog tonight to update on my lent.

• Wednesday morning I had a lie in, before going to play in the snow!
• Thursday I spent the day focusing on tomorrow's messy church before shopping, not getting stressed by long queues at the supermarket. After this I picked Boyfriend up from work, and we decided to get take away rather than me cooking the food I'd just bought. This meant more time together, and watching Torchwood. 
• Friday started with quality time with Boyfriend, coffee morning and chats then going to lunch club - which is always great fun and this week focusing on prayer. A great supervision with Student, fab to have time with her to talk, as well as laugh. Then finally many hours, mugs of coffee and even bacon (with curly fries and an egg) for tea with my wonderful adoptive grandparents.

I say all of this as this week's living simply has been about quality time. Quality time is one of Chapman's love languages.
I'm not really making focuses for the time of lent, but seeing what happens. But so far simple living is all about love, and that sounds great to me.

sound and silence

I’ve been to the panto this evening. A friend, well the Dad in the family that has kinda adopted me was Will Scarlet and his eldest son had a fab little role too. I haven’t been to the panto in a few years, me and Boyfriend went to see John Barrowman in the one in Cardiff one New Years Eve –probably 2009/2010. For our 50 month anniversary we decided on date afternoon to go see Les Mis at the cinema (well on our actual anniversary being Methodist Geeks we went to see the President of Conference then had burgers at Spoons). Anyway I bring up Les Mis as like the panto people sing rather than talk and tonight’s blog topic is music.

On a slight tangent if I was ever on Room 101 I would put songs with siren noises hidden in. These are the ones on the radio that you have to turn off when driving just to check it’s the music not a fire engine, ambulance or police car.

I think I listen to music a lot less than some people. Maybe that’s not right, what I mean is that I don’t intentionally listen to music as much as some people do. (Not that I compare myself to others often).

I don’t own an iPod, my mp3 player is rather old, and to be honest I don’t really like head phones. During the day when I’m driving I have Radio 1 on (so that's music!), and in the evening (after 7) I choose between Radio 2’s music (must be getting old) and Radio 4’s chats (turning in to my mother), or sometimes I have a specific cd in my car; the Disney blog came out of that time of driving and cd listening. When I’m at home I sometimes put the music on my laptop, but often I just sit in silence or relative silence anyway.

Something that music does is help us recall certain memories, I’m reminded of a fellow steward whenever I hear the Yfriday version of Strength will rise, I can no longer sing And Can it Be without thinking of Boyfriend or One more step without getting the giggles from old Exec days. For everyone Born will always be a MWiB / South Africa song. Some songs have negative memories though. The other day I was on a train that was packed between Huddersfield and Manchester and at Hudds two lads, one very drunk and one not quite so drunk got on and sat one next to and the other opposite me in a four seated bit – like the table seats but without a table. They were boasting the fact they had been kicked out of 4 out of 5 clubs in Huddersfield, still wearing yesterday’s clothes and were on their way to Liverpool, or maybe Manchester. After the first stop many in our carriage got off and I had the opportunity to move seats, but believing it would cause more agro stopped where I was and had an interesting 30-40 minutes being asked if I thought they were attractive, if I could tell they were wearing yesterdays clothes and the more drunk one singing over and over again “I want to scream and shout and let it all out” This song is now in my bad books for two reasons as when it came onto the radio the other day it took me back to that train ride, but it also has siren like noises in the background.

There is one type of music I seem to listen to a lot, and obviously this goes in peaks and troughs, is on hold music. It reminds me of my grandparents and Radio 3, it reminds me of placement in 1^st year when I spent ages calling a bowling alley and each 20 seconds of song were disrupted by an advert. I don’t know what the answer is to decent on hold music, but I’ve not heard it yet.

Yesterday’s issue with music was that of a facebook game. This particular one where you have to fry or grill different types of chicken had a rather annoying sound track background, however if you turned it off you also lost the sound effects, the bell as a customer came through the door, the click of the frying pan saying it was done and the ring of the phone for take away orders. So the choice was include the annoying music or lose the detail that made the game easier.

Now I’m not about to burst into song when mid speech but I do talk a lot, so it may come as a surprise to you that I’ve booked a mostly silent retreat. The idea is at meal times I can chat with the Nuns and others who are staying at the Monastery but the rest of the time is for me, my thoughts, my questions, some books and God. I’ll probably take paper to write on, pencils to sketch with, my camera (rather than my phone) all to help me find God

Like I’ve said I don’t intentionally seek out music often, right now all I can hear is the ticking clock and the sound of the keys on my keyboard as I type. But silence, that’s something else altogether. 

Me, My friends and Christmas

I’ve always loved tests – by that before you label me as a geek I mean personality tests: Myers-Briggs, IQ tests, those sorts of things. I’m also a bit of a self-reflector – probably why I like blogging. Myers-Briggs usually puts me as an extrovert; it’s close, but certainly more extroverted than introverted. I do enjoy my alone time. Tonight I was walking home from work across Lancaster, trying to remember where I’d left my car, thinking about this blog. Similarly I love thinking when I’m driving, so much so that an old housemate (not old, well older than me, but a previous housemate) got me a notebook for my Birthday/Christmas and in it wrote “I thought you could keep [this notebook] in your glove box to record all the great ideas that come to you when you are driving (when it’s safe and legal to do so!)”

However it’s a bit strange at the moment to be on my own. I’ve spent about 40 hours this week at my parents house – the place people keep asking me when I’m going home for Christmas to, ignoring the fact I’ve never really lived there as they moved in ‘the year of all the house moves’ aka 2010. My parents are both ill, though Mum has managed to do a funeral today, so Tuesday evening I drove over there, after a wonderful 8 year old gave me some sweets to give to my poorly parents as I couldn’t go to his Christingle Service as I had to go home. This meant I was there ready to take parents to doctors Wednesday morning – the main reason for me going really, as Brother isn’t insured to drive them. Brother and I then got writing the Christmas cards – well he wrote (as he’s got mum’s neat handwriting) and I found all the names and stuck the addresses on the envelopes. We played many card games, I typed up the funeral talk and found out we couldn’t do a Tesco order, so this morning Brother and I went to Sainsburys, where he got double nectar points on the mammoth Christmas shop! What I’ve realised is that I would have had a very different childhood had I been a young carer, and Brother is better at it than me: he walked the dog, did some washing up and made me coffee.

It’s funny really. When Mum was the age I was now she had me. I would have been about 16 months at this point; I feel a bit young to be the caregiver of a child. Babysitting is ok, cuddling little ones at work is fine - I get to give them back. I also thought I would have a few more years before I had to look after my parents and to be fair to them, they are hardly ever ill, and should be well soon so life will be back to normal.

I’ve quite enjoyed buying Christmas presents. In my opinion there’s no point in earning money if I don’t get to share it with others I love. My kinda adoptive family have fed me most weeks of the year and one way of saying thanks and “I love you guys” is by buying them all gifts.

What I’m trying to say is that friendship is really important. I love my time alone, but I thrive best with other people, whether that be looking after my parents, playing card games with Brother or other friends, getting cuddles while reading the same book over and over again with a 2 year old and just the quality time spent with friends. We all need a bit of help sometimes - recently Boyfriend spent his day off helping me get on top of the washing up – cos he’s fab like that.

So this Christmas, if you manage to forget, it’s actually about Jesus being born. Remember it’s about love, friendship, being generous and hugs.

And if I don’t blog again before next Tuesday – Merry Christmas. 

garage rant

I don’t often use names in blogs, and if I had evidence I would today, but as I don’t I’m just going to rant about an unnamed body shop type garage.

You may recall at the end of August I had a bit of a bump in my car, about 4 weeks later I got my car back good as new – or so I thought.

During the cold and wet times of year my car has a habit of not starting, or starting after a few times. Occasionally it starts first time, usually when I’m leaving my house – which is nice of it, and always when it is at the normal garage and they are trying to work out what is wrong.

Then today after leaving a work church after an exciting youth fellowship session – where they had remembered what I’d done with them months earlier! So left church to find car wouldn’t unlock with button, would unlock with key, but then wouldn’t start at all. Long and short of it is – after taking key apart and almost going back to collect other key we(well mainly the fab church member who works at the garage I go to normally) popped the bonnet and found the battery cable had come undone, but after fixing that, more concerningly (spell checker doesn’t think that’s a word but I can’t think of a better one) the battery hadn’t been screwed back in to where it should live. I’m not saying that the BODYSHOP GARAGE IN A NEARBY CITY RECOMMENDED BY MY INSURER is to blame, but the facts are my car was serviced in the summer by my normal garage and it was fine and now it’s not, and there aren’t many other people who have been under my bonnet.

All that being said the fab church member managed to get the battery back where it belongs and I managed to drive home – after a few goes as the other starting problem came back – but that is hopefully being fixed on Tuesday.

Ok rant over, so glad I was at that church and people were able to help me, just not impressed that it seems that my car wasn’t put back together right.

Also thought you’d want a shorter blog this time, not what I thought I’d be writing about today, but needed to get it off my chest. 

Ode to a youth event

This isn’t an Ode, but “Essay to a youth event” doesn’t have the same ring to it. It is however a very long self indulgent blog, so really don’t feel you have to read it all, but if you want to please do, or just add your own memories of the past few youth weekends.

Yesterday was the end of an era.

Not sure I would describe it is as the end of a chapter as I don’t think my life works quite like that – as so much would overlap. And it’s not the end, but that’s another story .

Disclaimer! This is going to be full of Methodist Jargon – I will try to explain as I go along and may also be repeating stories I’ve told before, but sometimes you have to hear everything together.

Firstly, it was my birthday last week, that is important – but I’m not going to focus on that today, another blog there too.

When I started writing this blog I was sitting watching Strictly and eating take away (which I paid for despite it being Boyfriend’s turn to cook!) Yes, I thought I’d tell you as it’s always nice to know there is a happy ending. But I’m going to start my story about 11 years ago. The weekend of my 13^th birthday. Donkey Derby was my first link to MAYC (as it was then) and Connexional Methodism, with the youth weekend. 

Skipping forward to summer 2006, a very important conversation happened as someone turned up at my front door trying to persuade me to go to Methodist Youth Conference (MYC). If I’d decided not to bother I think know my life would have been completely different. You’ll see!

So November 2006 a week after my 18^th birthday I went off to Norwich in a car with two lads from my district. My memories include a youth pres in bright trousers, discussions on the Godfrey Report – with the exec members taking their tops on and off a lot! The posh meal on the Saturday night, lending an ecumenical rep my towel, sleeping on a school floor – and getting quite a bit of sleep. Being supported to go for exec – by lovely district boys. Hustings with questions about potatoes and streetlights, being voted on – and the moment the returning officer came to tell me I’d been voted in, the funny moment in the handover when the VP muscled in, and talking to the new youth pres on the stairs queuing for lunch.

5 exec meetings (including the legendary car journey with step by step 2 and the Save Methodist Youth Work petition...) and some YPS reference group meetings later and we were on the way to Cardiff. This was also the start of my fairytale. This was where I met Boyfriend; due to others being delayed I was the first to arrive at the station where I first saw him – he’d seen me a year earlier during Hustings in the big chairs that made me look even smaller than I am. That weekend is a blur of spending hours at the station, finishing the presentation about the YPS for the next morning – which included Harry Potter - and discussions that led to DYEs being suggested as a name for the employed people. There was pizza, worship, business, I even remember being told of by the chair for not being in the right place. This was the year we didn’t vote for a Youth Pres and gained 5 new exec members – most of which were new boys – rather than the experienced girls we were expecting.

Another year of Youth Exec meetings, Breakout, and speaking at Big Conference just before the big YPS vote.

Northampton was the last ever MYC. A strange event for many reasons. For one boyfriend and I got together less than a week earlier and no one knew. Little exec sister had made me a shell cake that those in the office enjoyed. The vote for the new Youth Pres was very close and was tricky for the exec to vote for – being between two of our own. We had workshops; I ran the “understanding MYC” session 3 times, as the first one started an hour early so had to do two more at the designated times. We launched the campaign for the Methodist Nunnery – as the mock resolution. My teddy sat on the main desk. And all of the exec girls (except maybe the new Youth Pres) and probably some of the lads cried through worship as we were the last ever exec. There was also lots of dancing that year, the returning officer was disappointed cos there was no custard and the exec all got dressed up very smart –the pampering in one of the girls’ rooms was great fun. I was driven to and from this weekend and was grilled on the way home about my relationship that was now out in the open.

It was at this point I decided that I needed some time out, so I took myself off the YPS reference group. The summer of 2009 I was asked if I would co-run the detached youth work team at Breakout the following summer and help facilitate at the first Youth Assembly (MYA). This led to some late night driving across England for the planning weekend of Durham.

Mid November arrived and so did more floods, but my car half full of delegates – as others wouldn’t come as their parents didn’t trust my car to get us to Durham –we did fine,  arrived late Friday evening at Durham. I must say this weekend is probably the low of the story. I know some young people enjoyed it, but it felt like a backward step – looking back what we had done was thrown the baby out with the bath water, wanting to move away from MYC to something new we lost something. This event also included tears, these more in frustration. Due to no one’s fault we didn’t have a full time youth pres to preside over the event, so much of it was adult led, the youth pres elections were very complicated and I remember a number of us were annoyed there was no grace at mealtimes! We learnt a lot that year. There were good moments too – late on the Saturday when the 18pluses who were staying on site (as many had to be put into a local hotel as the event was over booked accidentily) we ate ginger birthday cake out of a glass bowl, and talked about the usual Methodist geeky stuff.

Then we came to Breakout 2010 – another last. Though me and Oggy had a fab weekend with the Linkies, many of my memories were from the campsite rather than the event grounds, but one memory that will last a life time is when we turned the orchard into my late night garden, with tea lights in jam jars and LED balloons. It was truly special, the conversations, the games, the whole experience. All too soon the event was over and it was then that I was done with volunteering for the Methodist Church for a while.

MYA 2010 in Swindon was my first since 2006 that I didn’t have a job.  I missed having the office to hang out in, but I didn’t miss the stress. The train journey had been interesting.  The highlights included spontaneous and slightly rebellious worship that the VP’s Husband joined us for. I’m pretty sure this was a cry-free year! This was the first time I felt old - I had just graduated and being in a session about the future with 16 year olds was tricky. I also remember sitting in a window on a value continuum about Presidency. This was the first year we trialed the voting pads – who wants to be a millionaire style, and the team forgot Wales existed. I went this year wanting to be good enough that I wouldn't have to go again if I didn’t want to. After Durham I felt like we’d ruined MYC and replaced it with something worse, however after Swindon I knew there was still work to do, but that it would be as good (while being totally different) if not better than MYC.

Fast forward another 12 months and 3Generate (3Gen) was born  - the new name for Children and Youth assembly, starting at the age of 9 and going up to 23. So off we went to Ludlow railway station for a new way of working – this time as a member of the 18+ stream – and still not volunteering, but with a very different and distinct role- as the girlfriend of a Youth Pres candidate. I arrived late after a train journey that involved ukulele worship and so we missed the evening worship to eat food. I remember not sleeping well due to one room mate (mentioning no names – well not that I ever do, but you know) snored both nights. The sessions were challenging and I still have the final evaluation on my fridge, challenging me to be real – something I was challenged on in the preaching session and I meant to look into what I can do about Poverty. However my big thing that came out of that weekend, which led to me crying through most of worship including getting communion off the district chair who very delicately held my hand for a little longer than normal when handing me the bread and scaring an OPP as she handed me the wine, was planning for the future. Due to the fact Boyfriend did not become Youth Pres 2012/3 the future had been thrown open once again, at this point neither of us had a job past April. It was the next day that he started his Christmas temp job at his local pizza making restaurant. Just like to say what fab chaplains we have!

It was just after this that I decided I’d had enough years off and was ready to once again volunteer for the event. So I joined the 18+ planning group. I was also invited as a youth worker to join the 8-17s consultation group, as this was the new way of getting the children and young people to plan the event.

So Friday finally rolled up and off I went to get a bus, 2 trains and a minibus to somewhere not very far from a place I used to call home. After checking in, being shown to my room by a hansome steward, designing a mug, finding some tea it was time to go to the all2gether and be2gether, the funky names for the opener for everyone and worship, we were in gen groups – I was facilitator of gen group 26! (Which has just occurred to me that that was something we’ve played with over years - like the dinner tables at Durham, and is something that was very MYC.) After that we watched some of Children in Need, then bed!

Saturday started with me getting up first, having a shower and making a cup of coffee before breakfast, where I had cereal! Then me and my co-worship leader led worship and I did the longest notices ever and we played human bingo with a twist. We heard Mumford and Sons sing I will wait, and I believe the aim was for us to think about us waiting on God, but for me the night before I’d kinda been winded by God’s presence – just like whoosh! Wow God is here! So for me was like God singing I will wait to me, that he’s always there waiting for me to engage, not intrusive but patiently waiting for me, for us to want to be with him. This was followed by a very interesting session about living sustainably and everyone I’ve spoken  to about what they were taking away from the weekend who talked about the input mentioned this session. The video about the no impact man was so incredible, could you imagine not using lifts, trains, the tv for a whole year? Apparently it brought the family closer together, but wasn’t always easy.  After the bacon butty break we got into the cohabitation session, this again was really interesting discussing our definition of cohabitation and looking at some case studies, obviously with such a topic you have to be careful with what you say, unfortunately Boyfriend (who was leading this session) told everyone I couldn’t enter the quiz as ‘I’ve already done it with her.’ The laughter started when someone realised what he said and it slowly went around the room with me getting redder and redder. After this was lunch – a rather unappetising chicken casserole. After that it was time to set up for the justice village, when one of my MWiB friends came to join me to talk to young people about Children Unite, to get people to sign gloves, draw around their hands and find out more about child domestic workers. This did mean I missed grill the youth pres candidates’ session.

After setting down the justice village I arrived a few minutes late to the relationships sofa chat. It was great that young people can share experiences, questions and confusion while throwing a duck around the room. A nice chat with the expert facilitator about another event I had seen him at was very helpful, and then off to tea which was very quiet as we were eating later than the younger groups. Then there was a session that never happened followed by a chat about the day, which led to conversations slightly later about how we adapt the event to what people want. We left the room so that some people could pray and had time to chat with people before it was time to go on the bouncy slide / assault course, where I raced twice without my glasses and came 2^nd both times –out of 2, with my competitor finishing before I’d even got to start the last climbing wall / slide. I also hurt my hip.

After this the exciting late night chats happened, a group choosing not to go to worship but instead try and tease out what we thought God was saying about what we had to do – in this case using our passion as a form of discernment, pushing on doors to see if things were possible. Thats all I’ll say now but things are afoot. I went to bed late after staying up till Boyfriend was allowed to go to bed then late night chats in our bedroom, about boys, the day, voting, Methodism, and other such things you’d expect in a girls dorm.

Sunday morning felt very early, we stripped beds, packed, saw a beautiful view over the misty lakes and got our cooked breakfast J. Then it was time for voting, before going off to our own 18+ room for the final session about PEGs – Personal reflections on the weekend, what we are going to take to our home church Environment and how that is all held together by God the hinge. The planning team then read the evaluation forms, seeing what we thought we had totally planned was not understood the way we saw it, but hey, that event management for you.

Closing worship was fab, time in our Gen Groups looking at the covenant prayer, that I know I’ve blogged on before, and I only very nearly cried once – when asked what I had taken from the weekend. And communion in mixed groups which meant I got to sit between two good friends, one who gave me the bread and the other the wine – as I was opposite the chaplain who had started with both. Worship over it was time for food, and the long goodbyes. I also went in hunt of my mug, that I had to go though the bin to get back. We left the venue on a bus of friends, got the 3 trains back, and even though it was 9 minutes late we made our first connection as the train we needed was behind it! I got Hot Chocolate at the station I hate the most, and then walked very fast across local city to get the bus, and home about 6ish! Boyfriend who I’d told had to cook tea as he got home an hour before me decided we would order take away. My mum rang and I mumbled about being tired down the phone at her, so she said she’d ring another time, and I went off to bed. Shattered after a very long but amazing 6 year journey.

If you have made it to this point then you deserve a medal! At 2828 words this is my longest blog ever I’d think. I assume if you’ve got this far you are part of the journey somewhere so thank you got your part and here’s to the future, cos you never know what might happen next!

Chance Encounters

Yesterday seems to have been full of chance encounters.

On my journey into London yesterday morning on the train I was entertained by two children who were bored on their 5 hour train that ride that didn’t even finish at Legoland! (they had another train and a bus to go!)

Then on the walk to meeting building from train station I smiled at someone who looked like Jude Simpson – an author and poet who’s been at Greenbelt at some point in the past.

After lunch and presentation, I popped up to almost the top floor for a planned nice chat with boyfriend’s best friend. Which was very lovely but planned so not actually a chance encounter..

Then a quick unexpected chat with a friend and ex-colleague also on that floor, who I thought was out of the building that day, so it was a nice surprise she was there.

Next a visit to someone’s desk who wasn’t there, but is someone I want to meet at some point – the one encounter I’d hope would happen and didn’t – though wasn’t planned so it wasn’t her fault she wasn’t in today.

Just as I was about to leave the building I randomly bumped into an old 'Aunty', it was very nice to have a quick hello and find out about life.

On the walk about the station I have a lovely positive but short conversation with someone from the meeting  who was passing me on his bike, who really put my mind at ease about the presentation that I had done.

Because of all those encounters – chance or otherwise I arrived at the station about 2 minutes before they announced the platform, but then got stuck behind slow people dragging suitcases, however, I still able to get a table – which is where I was when I did the first draft of this blog!

Then after that – and I promise this is the last ‘then’ - I popped to the shop on the train and saw a friend who I’d not seen in quite a while – another exciting chance encounter

One of the many things Chick (Yuill from LICC who we have been working with at work) has said in all of the many Imagine meetings is that when we meet someone with leave something, (like our DNA) every contact is traceable. That’s what CSI is all about. So whether it's a chance encounter with someone that makes it all ok again, a smile with a stranger who looks like a poet, or a planned ‘coffee’ with a friend, they all make up our days, our time and therefore the things that make our lives, and make us who we are.

So I hope as we go, we share a word of encouragement, a smile or a coffee, as every interaction can make a day. 

What to blog

This is the second blog I’ve written about my weekend, but decided after writing 429 words in the previous one that I wasn’t happy with it so here is Mark II.

I spent this weekend with 35 other members of the Methodist Women in Britain (MWiB) Connexional Forum.  The forum is made up of a rep from every District, the five executive members (Pres, VP, communications, finance and recourses and Area pres), a representative from Women’s World Day of Prayer (for England and Wales – apparently Scotland is different) and - as of Sunday when we changed the constitution the Helen Kim Memorial Scholar – me! I’ve been going to the previous forums as a non-voting member.

There was much business to be done and if you would like to know about that then please ask and I can let you know, but I’m not going to focus on that. However a piece of business that I was looking forward to was the social media policy – and when this was agreed it meant I was allowed to tweet during the sessions.

As well as business the important part of our time together is that of worship.  We started and ended our time together with worship – well that's not totally true, it was lunch, but you know. The theme of all opening and closing worship as well as evening (which I led) and morning prayers was ‘When words are not enough’

My original blog went into detail about how this was done, but I hope you understand why I have taken this out. There is something about being a part of forum, a powerful group of women who are all very different from all across the Methodist Church in Great Britain. This was our fourth meeting and despite there being some substitutes and new faces we are still bonded as a group. So even if I had their permission to share the stories here I don’t think I would want to, as its special. The time together, the care for each other. We laugh and we cry together.

I would always hope that worship is about sharing our lives with each other as well as with God. In that time and in that place. So I probably could tell you of the garden shown one morning, but it wouldn’t mean as much as you don’t know the gardener.

I usually write about my story, but I don’t think there is just a my story. My life is so intertwined with others.  Even more so with technology now a days. Writing this is finding a balance between sharing who I am, and not sharing too much of others.

I will however tell you about the final song we sung  (496 from singing the faith) which I fell in love with the chorus –

“All around us we have known you,

All creation lives to hold you.

In our living and our dying

We are bring you to birth”

Bernadette Farrell (b.1957)

So I join with the other women of the movement, as we join with the rest of our church, are other Christian sisters and brothers across the world and with all creation to live to hold God.

To check out what the President said about the weekend find her blog here Saturday and Sunday 

impulsive or indecisive

I’ve always had issues making decisions. Mostly because I am indecisive, but also because I’ve grown up in a society where I can have it all – or at least one of a number of options. However when I have made a decision I stick to it, and then generally make it happen straight away.

Let me give you an example. When shopping for food I like to know in advance what I’m going to be eating, and over time I’ve got favourites and regular meals, so now it’s really easy to pick up what I need. When shopping with Boyfriend the other week it took longer as he kept adding options – usually to make it cheaper, but it meant I had to rethink and re-decide.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to have half term off – as there is currently nothing in my diary (which I know as I plotted my wall planner over a week ago now) and that I was going to go to Sweden. After being a bit jealous that I wasn’t taking him with me Boyfriend commented that I was impulsive. Now I don’t think that I am, he just hasn’t seen my thought process over the past year. Ever since I got back from South Africa I’ve been working out where I can fly to next. I love flying as it’s the only form of transport that I don’t get sick on. I also enjoyed going to the Paralympics as I got to go through the airport style security. And now I have a passport I am ready to go! Also about a year ago Best Friend moved to Sweden for University, and I’ve been saying that I’d like to visit her – add to that the fact I missed her in the summer when she was in the UK cos I was shattered and ill. So really it makes logical sense, it’s just that someone who hasn’t been through the year long thought process and just saw me yesterday where I decided to book flights to Sweden and did.

It is because I am rubbish at making decisions that when I do I run with it and make it happen. So maybe I am impulsive, but I think it’s just cos I’m indecisive first.

Back to Earth with a Bump!

There are sometimes in life when something happens and everything else has to revolve around that. It’s usually something major, and generally life changing – but sometimes it’s just a small thing. My next few blogs are going to be about one thing that happened. The ideas are written down the side of a Sudoku book and might be five blogs, or might just be two or three if I condense them.

But this blog is just the start, setting the scene so to speak.

Last Thursday night despite everything that Thursday threw at me (and that story will be in another blog in this series – you’re getting interested now aren’t you) I managed to drive over to my parents’ house to do the final prep and pick up the important things – like my brother and the camping stove, ready to drive to Greenbelt in the morning.

For those of you who don’t know Greenbelt is a Christian Arts and Justice Festival, held at Cheltenham Race Course on August Bank Holiday weekend. This was my 4th year there.

I go for a number of reasons:

Friends! Firstly it’s an event that I get to see many of my Methodist friends at. I also bought tickets for a group of 12 and most of us camped together which was really nice. As well as randomly bumping into people (interesting use of word there – totally different bump to that in the title, it’s my blog so I get to reflect as I go along ok?) It is always nice for the prearranged hot chocolate, and orange juices with people, catching up and three times meeting friends’ new girlfriends.

Worship – Now I know I’ve said before that I go to a number of different festivals throughout the year and worship isn’t the first thing I think of usually when planning my greenbelt, however this year had two worship highlights for me. Firstly communion, I love sharing bread and wine with family, friends and strangers alike, as well as blowing bubbles, doing silly action songs and reflecting on seeds. As well as the challenge to ‘Bring ‘em all in to my heart’ when singing about the lost and the least. Secondly was Andy Flan and his powerful worship, for which Boyfriend felt a bit unprepared as I cried over him for quite a while. Sometimes life is sad, I was having one of those evenings last night too. I love being a part of the sisterhood that is MWiB, but as you get when you bring people and in this case women together life happens and pain is there. The leadership in our movement are generally having a rough (understatement) time. I’ve struggled recently to get my head around death, struggled with God, I struggled at Soul Survivor with some of the imagery often used in regards to the Holy Spirit. So after the story of the woman at the well, who was so hurt yet loved by Jesus I knew I had to let God in, and I wept. Crying for a future that will never happen, a family travelling the hard road of grief, and for myself, to enter back into God’s loving arms, to be held and loved as the Child of God I am.

Talks. GB has some brilliant speakers, some I agreed with, some I disagreed with, some who I thought were just brave to turn up. I was challenged in my opinion on the Press and Leverson. I learnt about ethical weddings – and not only did Boyfriend suggest I attend that one, he also came with me! (think when I do eventually get married then the ethicalness of my wedding will appear in a blog them – that will be another time when my whole life will revolve around something) I enjoyed Vicky Beeching’s talk about social media and worship, and will come back to that in another blog. It was also great to see Boyfriend being interviewed about his trip to Israel/Palestine.

Music. Apart from Paul Bell who I love a lot there wasn’t much music I had intended to go out of my way to see. I did however enjoy The Proclaimers, Bellowhead, Fischy music and of course Folk On.

Film. Now this is Brother’s fave part of greenbelt I think. I joined him for the Film Review of the Year which I enjoyed last year too, and having only seen about five or so films this year and Gareth Higgins liked most of them I think I did well. With Cousin 5, her Boyfriend, Brother’s friend (why are we playing around me?)and Cousin 5’s friend from Spring Harvest, we entered the film quiz, under the name ‘The Lord of the Quizes’ and came about middle which was good as we guessed most and refused to take part in the singing round. Brother and his friend (Wawpam) were also busy helping the people from the BBC with some of their film events and even saved the day with Brother’s Mac when other technology failed. This all lead to something very exciting that I will tell you about in the next paragraph – so not so long to wait.

Comedy and poetry. I’ve clumped these together. Harry Baker and other poets did a brilliant job, I particularly liked the female poets at the Woken Spured event. This year I’ve been to less comedy than other years. I did start this year with Paul Kerensa talking about Climate Change, in a informational and funny way. Then every day ended with Last Orders, it was mostly funny though ‘as the actress said to the bishop’ was just awful! Each night was different but my highlight has to be Sunday night when Brother and Wawpam got to go on stage and explain about the film competition. After saving 18 seats, and going back to find the memory card for the camera and Mum even staying up late to watch it, Brother, Wawpam and their Hawaiian shirts talked to about 3200 people! Very Proud Big Sister Moment! Having said that when we were walking back to the tents after that my piggy backpack got more comments that Brother did, but that’s the fickleness of fame for you!

Camping and mud. I love camping, I could have done without so much of the mud and rain that caused it, or the leaky tents by the end of the weekend. But all in all it was a fab time.


So after leaving Paradise – the theme of the weekend, I dropped Cousin 5 off at the train station and started to drive to Chepstow. And that’s when a van went into the back of my car. BUMP!

growing old

I don’t know about you but I love old people. Well mostly! As a minister's daughter I spent years saying that I didn’t want to spend time with all the old fogies in the church. Then I moved to my university city and spent many Saturday mornings with a bunch of older folk. And now in my little village I go to a weekly coffee morning where I’m the youngest by two generations most weeks. By some I’ve been adopted as a granddaughter, by others I’m the techy / mobile expert. Some think it’s rude to mention the struggle they have getting on and off the toilet, others tell me of the husband’s fondness of their behind. I have some – one particularly who is probably reading this and is going to tell me off again for suggesting he is old who tells me often that it’s all about common sense, and he is right. I love the wisdom of people who were born (much) earlier than me.

Why do I tell you this you ask? Well maybe you didn’t, but I like to explain why I’m thinking what I’m thinking, or where my thinking stemmed from. Yesterday I was on my way home from a weekend with boyfriend which I will come back to in a bit. So en route I stopped in at my grandparents’ house. I got caught up on the family gossip, was fed (which was beans on toast and I have 1 and ½ slices of toast – the extra ½ to fatten me up!) and generally chatted. Now I’ve come to believe that my granny’s stories all have a thread of truth in them, but I generally after visiting Granny have to ring my parents to check I wasn’t a horrible teenager, or they aren’t upset about something from before I was born. I’ve also found that old people also sometimes don’t have the limits we would so I learnt some things that I was quite happy not knowing.

All these thoughts were embedded within a weekend of sunshine and ceremonies. Saturday was the 3rd wedding of the year (out of 5) and it was great to see boyfriend’s Uni friends get married, after a lovely ceremony where the Vicar got the groom’s name wrong and told us to remember the significance of the blue rose – which she didn’t tell us, a whole bunch of methsoccers of old went out for a lovely meal, if you ignore the small portion sizes. The evening do was lovely, more food, dancing and J20s. After dropping friends off all over the city and nearly going through a red light – I didn’t, and actually earlier in the day someone had who then nearly went into the side of me, wasn’t a great driving day really! So yeah, after dropping friends off we went back to boyfriend’s house where the laptop wasn’t working and mother-out-of-law was trying to get stuff printed.

Sunday started with church and a christening, being introduced to many of boyfriend’s friends, and being support techy. Can I just say as an aside that I love boyfriend a lot because he tapes down cables and I’m a health and safety freak. Now I’m not always a fan of christenings as it feels like the church is being used by families, making promises that they don’t mean and we can’t keep for them. However it was great to see the church so full – literally standing room only. The minister did a great service linking the family’s passion of football to prayer. I also don’t admit this often so I hope he appreciates it but maybe boyfriend was right when we discussed infant baptism the other day, maybe the church should be there and be excited that people still want a Christian ceremony to celebrate their child’s birth.

After that we went back to the local city for a festival with some more friends. It was a lovely and sunny afternoon, catch up, and I had my first ever hog roast, followed by ice cream – yummy! We said goodbye to our friends, and then boyfriend and I went out on a date night. We ate popcorn, saw ‘seeking a friend for the end of the world’ and then went to the popular restaurant that sells Italian food that boyfriend can get cheap! This led to conversations about the film, and if the world was ending what would we do, expect and all those sorts of things. Now I’m a planner, my diary is generally full of what’s happening months in advance, would I still be doing what I’ve got planned in the world was gonna end in 3 weeks time? Monday’s meeting about 3Gen in November might have been a waste of time, but then is it? When you spend time with friends, have fun, share sweets and generally be with people.

I live like I’m going to grow old, nothing is rushed – well apart from being a bit last minute. I’d love to be an old person, the freedom to say things you can’t when you are young. I don’t however want the aches and pains but that’s a different issue all together.

Maybe what I’ve learnt it to seize the day. I don’t want to live regretting things I never did, or was too busy planning the future to enjoy the present. As in the film I want to spend my days, seeking friends, seeking love and living for now.

love yourself as your neighbour

I’m very good at looking after other people, I’ve spent a lot of tonight showing people where the toilets are and stopping under 18s leaving without an adult. I’m also very aware of what I think and why I think it. I love the wishbone activity where you work out the core route of an issue. For example, I’m tired, cos I went to bed late, cos a friend was upset about something, so I need to make sure I turn my internet off on my phone in enough time to give me time to chill before bed –something I need to learn due to having a new phone with internet.

I’m a little bit worried I’ve taken on too much at the moment. I’m a bit behind with admin at work, my house is a bit messy, I’m running out of clean clothes – which is saying something! I have many friends going through some stuff – all of which I love, and don’t want to not be there for them – please do not read this as me telling you to go away, this blog is about me! I’m blogging for MWiB every day next week – which I am excited about. I have another friend setting up youthworkhub, which we bought a domain name for today – again exciting stuff but have had to say that I can’t commit to doing much work for it. I used the phrase earlier that I need put life on hold while I catch up with work. I need a routine, which was why as part of my New Year's resolutions I wanted to take up running and eating breakfast. Since getting back from Spring Harvest I’ve had such an irregular diary, especially with MWiB weekend last weekend that it has meant I haven’t managed to get back into routine, and do my music homework and some faith and worship.

I think today I hit the post Spring Harvest lull, not on that spiritual high, all of my prayers of recent days has been for this friend or that opportunity. Let's go back to my friends. I was talking to someone earlier about how couples counterbalance each other, and that led on to love languages. I know I’ve talked about these before but I think it is a brill theory. How do love languages work online? Most of my friends I spend more time with online than I do offline. I’ve said before that touch is my primary language, touch doesn’t work online, as much as a *hug* shows the thought, it's not a hug. Similarly acts of service and gifts aren’t easy via Facebook chat, or MSN. Words are what we do have. Quality time is possible, but then with the way we communicate online is it quality time, or is it the gaps between other things – or turning that on its head is it quality time cos we fit it around our offline activities.

So to stop myself from burning out what do I do? Even tonight at Duggie Dug Dug I took the steward’s role, staffing the door. I hope tomorrow morning I can really engage in the worship, and I’m off to a Taize service in the evening, to give me the space to listen to God. Then Monday I need to start as I mean to go on, eat breakfast, run and get on top of my admin. So wish me luck, please pray for me if you do and if you want check up on me on Monday – though don’t distract me please.

Bambelela - what a year

Bambelela - an african word meaning never give up.

I know in December I did a review of the year but somehow I think the year should run from Easter to Easter - or Swanwick to Swanwick.
April 2011 had a very busy week in it. I went from a manic spring harvest stewarding where I made some good friends, and went straight off to Swanwick for my first experience of MWiB (Methodist Women in Britain). I was shattered and probably made a really bad first impression. It can't have been too bad as they still took me to South Africa, and asked me to join the forum. I'm really glad they didn't give up on me.

This past 12 months with MWiB have been very exciting, the Launch in Southport in July last year, 3 forum meetings where I informally represent young women (under 40s), 2 of the launch roadshows, 2 task group meetings - as well as joining 2 other task groups. And of course the World Assembly in Jo'burg.

So this weekend we explored many things on the theme of Bambelela the most moving being 3 women talking about their experiences of life, being very open and honest and still declaring Bambelela - Christ is our hope. The funniest moment being during watching cool runnings when they all shouted Bambelela!

This evening I've had my own Bambelela moment. You may have figured from last nights blog that something was happening today. I had a job interview and had a phone call this evening saying they weren't offering me the job. So, after getting fish and chips, I've spent the evening in my pjs, cuddling Kimmy (my teddy) and eating chocolate. This obviously wasn't the job for me, and God has a better plan for my life. So I'm not giving up, I'm grateful for the emails and texts of support I've received today. Christ is my hope. Never give up. Bambelela

how was your year? reflections on Spring Harvest.

Hi! Long time no speak.
Last time I posted it was the start of holy week, since then I've been really busy at home, then went to a wedding, an Easter morning service in Brum and then off to Spring Harvest (Boing Harvest).

Its very strange now being home, I've spent a week clicking in wristbands, opening doors, moving chairs, having late night chats with my cousin, cleaning my hands, answering the question "how was your year?", doing paper work, listening to stories, being attacked by a seagull who stole my ice cream (well that only happened once) and making some new friends - or getting to know people better. I'm now back home, with no clicker, no chair moves and only my own diary telling me what to do.

It was a brill week and I could talk about so many things, how to bring kids up through Church, addiction, the Holy Spirit, the youth venue, first aid incidents, or how I've just found my tea ticket from day 3 which means I handed in my breakfast one at tea time. But what I think I want to talk about is friendship.

I go to many events and conferences over the year but there is nothing like being on the stewarding team at spring harvest. There was almost 60 stewards this year, and we are put in teams of 3 by venue. This is my 4th year stewarding and every other year its been GK, me and a newbie - who has never returned, only realised that this year we must be a curse! Anyway this year it was different the 3rd steward on the team wasn't a newbie and he is determinded to return next year so we shall see. We pretty much spend all day in our 3s, and as we are the only team on the distinctive 11-14s venue there isn't anyone else we were with regularly. We talked about the usual things, how to move chairs and get them lined up straight, opinions on communion, baptism, gay marriage, how many people we all know in the outside world - little bit scary. Those 2 guys were the people I spent more hours with than anyone else - well awake at least, we ate together, had in jokes and looked after one another - so much so I was called mum for some of the time - though not like when a lady was talking about how children should be brought up and asked if I had kids, everyone else I met assumed I was a student!

My favourite definition of God as Trinity is God in Community, in the same way we are made to be in community with one another. That is why we strive to find a partner, and friends. Stewarding is a difficult thing, we are challenged to get out of our comfort zone, deal with so many things all in one go, stay awake and be the people everyone turns to in an emergency, or when they are hungry.

I really like Chapman's 5 love languages, think I've mentioned them before, and I don't just mean boyfriend/girlfriend love, but friendship love. The 5 langages are: acts of service, quality time, gifts, touch and words. If you know me at all you'll know I'm a hugger, touch is my primary language. One reason I think stewards get on so well is that we are showing many of these love langages all the time to the guests and to each other. Hugs, words of encouragement, buying drinks and gifts, making drinks, carrying an extra chair, the in jokes and all the time we spent together.

For the next few days we'll keep in close contact, then I think we'll probably stop writing all over each others walls on facebook, we'll occasionally check out what each other are up to, send birthday messages but generally not be so close. Its very difficult to keep the level of friendship going. Last year I tried and for some reason scared my (so called) friend off. Not that I want to lose contact with these people, I just think it might happen, but it doesn't worry me - as next year anyone who is back will be back and we'll start all over again firstly with the question how was your year? Then build on from this year as if it wasn't 51 weeks earlier.

So here I am back at home, no wristbands, no clicker, no hand gel, back to normal life - whatever that is, but greatly enriched by the friendships that got me through the last week. So to all of you, thank you and see you next year!