I'm saying no

This blog post started out as a rant, it’s one that has featured in many a facebook status, but I hope this is more of a positive response.

There are many things I don’t like about the world: war, pain, abuse, ferries in stormy seas, driving on icey roads and the claim culture we live in.

Last year I had a car accident, nothing major and I was not injured at all. I repeat I had NO DISCOMFORT AT ALL! Mild or otherwise. However since that accident 15 months ago I have had a whole load of different companies trying to get me to claim this compensation that is rightly mine. This is where we disagree. Maybe I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face but not being injured I don’t believe I should get this money. Most companies are quite simple to get rid of, there are two lines that work well – “Are you suggesting I make a fraudulent claim?” or “Yeah, isn’t God amazing!” Though asking “Why?” often gets me passed on to a supervisor or gets the phone put down on me. One time I just said hello and I was passed to a supervisor.

Today however I had a lovely phone call with a guy called Dean from another of these company. As well as checking if I had kids and how long me and Boyfriend had been together, we got chatting about my views on the point of life and the claim culture we live in. He didn’t seem to get that I wasn’t  going to take this money as as a young woman why would I turn down £2000 (That was today’s amount, I’ve been offered anywhere between £1000 and £5500). He believed that life is about money. I told him I disagreed, he tried to put me off by suggesting that I wishy washingly believed that life is about love. Life is about love, but it’s the understanding of love that you have that makes a difference. I believe in love that cares for those around me, that puts my neighbour first. This led to a conversation about what I do in my local community and my training to be an ASL in Scouts, as well as who Bear Grills is.

It’s my morals that stop me from claiming this money. The way I was brought up but also the faith have led to my beliefs. I said I worked for the church and Dean said he was also a Christian (when I said now I bet you think I’m a religious nut) so I challenged him on this views on the importance of money and then we had a random bit about a catholic priest that stole money from the church. Dean decided to give up but told me he’d call back soon. To be fair to him I quite enjoyed the chat, he was quite cheeky but went though all the usual compensation stuff (like the money is already there for you so it won’t effect anyone’s premiums) with some new things thrown in (like shock can be counted as mild discomfort – I confused him by saying it had been amazing that I wasn’t injured, not that it was an amazing experience).

But I’ve already made up my mind.

I’m saying no because we shouldn’t live in a culture that means every accident automatically means money is put aside.

I’m saying no because regular pestering phone calls for 3 years are not acceptable but this way I get to share my message with any company who will stay on the phone long enough to listen.

 I’m saying no because the I want to live in a place that isn’t about what I can get, but about what I can give, where who I am is more important than the money I have in the bank.

I’m saying no because I wasn’t injured and I’m not going to make a fraudulent claim.

I’m saying no.

Love is 100 Blogs

So here it is, Blog 100. I have a number of things to say about Ireland, but that can wait for another day.

Today I want to write about love.

This is NOT an engagement announcement, don’t get excited!

But I do want to talk about boyfriend. We went on a very normal and ordinary date on Sunday night. Tea out at a TexMex kind of place and then went to the cinema to see Despicable Me 2 – ordering 2 tickets for 2D Despicable Me 2 is rather a tongue twister.

Boyfriend and I have been through a number of stages, we were long distance for almost 4 years, before the 3 ish months where we were house mates, as he took over my spare bedroom. And now he lives in the next city down, about a 30 minute drive for me or an hour on the bus for him. Therefore going on traditional dates is not something we often do.

Similarly I don’t do well eating food when stressed, I have an ex who never saw me eat in the whole time we were together. One of the ways I knew that Boyfriend was special was that I could eat in front of him.

I’m a bridesmaid at a wedding in the summer and was asked for some suggested Bible readings. So after a discussion on the UK Methodist Facebook group, and a nose through the Methodist Worship book I found a long list and knocked it down to my top three for that wedding. My fave gospel passage is that of when Jesus went to a wedding- how he turned water in to wine and the ordinary into the extraordinary.

One of the other obvious passages is the Love is....

What would you say love is?

I’m very blessed that when I went to A&E with chest pain last month Boyfriend (with only a small amount of pestering) came to sit with me and then bought me a subway sandwich.

To balance that this morning Boyfriend was feeling a bit under the weather so I drove over, with breakfast and drove him to work ready for his big presentation this evening. Plus he was in a smart suit – swoon.

I love the song by Paul Bell – What I call romance. It talks about the everyday things that make love work. You can listen to it here

Love is, just sitting together eating, looking after the other when they are ill, and having someone to watch kids films with.

And here’s to another 100 blogs.

sound and silence

I’ve been to the panto this evening. A friend, well the Dad in the family that has kinda adopted me was Will Scarlet and his eldest son had a fab little role too. I haven’t been to the panto in a few years, me and Boyfriend went to see John Barrowman in the one in Cardiff one New Years Eve –probably 2009/2010. For our 50 month anniversary we decided on date afternoon to go see Les Mis at the cinema (well on our actual anniversary being Methodist Geeks we went to see the President of Conference then had burgers at Spoons). Anyway I bring up Les Mis as like the panto people sing rather than talk and tonight’s blog topic is music.

On a slight tangent if I was ever on Room 101 I would put songs with siren noises hidden in. These are the ones on the radio that you have to turn off when driving just to check it’s the music not a fire engine, ambulance or police car.

I think I listen to music a lot less than some people. Maybe that’s not right, what I mean is that I don’t intentionally listen to music as much as some people do. (Not that I compare myself to others often).

I don’t own an iPod, my mp3 player is rather old, and to be honest I don’t really like head phones. During the day when I’m driving I have Radio 1 on (so that's music!), and in the evening (after 7) I choose between Radio 2’s music (must be getting old) and Radio 4’s chats (turning in to my mother), or sometimes I have a specific cd in my car; the Disney blog came out of that time of driving and cd listening. When I’m at home I sometimes put the music on my laptop, but often I just sit in silence or relative silence anyway.

Something that music does is help us recall certain memories, I’m reminded of a fellow steward whenever I hear the Yfriday version of Strength will rise, I can no longer sing And Can it Be without thinking of Boyfriend or One more step without getting the giggles from old Exec days. For everyone Born will always be a MWiB / South Africa song. Some songs have negative memories though. The other day I was on a train that was packed between Huddersfield and Manchester and at Hudds two lads, one very drunk and one not quite so drunk got on and sat one next to and the other opposite me in a four seated bit – like the table seats but without a table. They were boasting the fact they had been kicked out of 4 out of 5 clubs in Huddersfield, still wearing yesterday’s clothes and were on their way to Liverpool, or maybe Manchester. After the first stop many in our carriage got off and I had the opportunity to move seats, but believing it would cause more agro stopped where I was and had an interesting 30-40 minutes being asked if I thought they were attractive, if I could tell they were wearing yesterdays clothes and the more drunk one singing over and over again “I want to scream and shout and let it all out” This song is now in my bad books for two reasons as when it came onto the radio the other day it took me back to that train ride, but it also has siren like noises in the background.

There is one type of music I seem to listen to a lot, and obviously this goes in peaks and troughs, is on hold music. It reminds me of my grandparents and Radio 3, it reminds me of placement in 1^st year when I spent ages calling a bowling alley and each 20 seconds of song were disrupted by an advert. I don’t know what the answer is to decent on hold music, but I’ve not heard it yet.

Yesterday’s issue with music was that of a facebook game. This particular one where you have to fry or grill different types of chicken had a rather annoying sound track background, however if you turned it off you also lost the sound effects, the bell as a customer came through the door, the click of the frying pan saying it was done and the ring of the phone for take away orders. So the choice was include the annoying music or lose the detail that made the game easier.

Now I’m not about to burst into song when mid speech but I do talk a lot, so it may come as a surprise to you that I’ve booked a mostly silent retreat. The idea is at meal times I can chat with the Nuns and others who are staying at the Monastery but the rest of the time is for me, my thoughts, my questions, some books and God. I’ll probably take paper to write on, pencils to sketch with, my camera (rather than my phone) all to help me find God

Like I’ve said I don’t intentionally seek out music often, right now all I can hear is the ticking clock and the sound of the keys on my keyboard as I type. But silence, that’s something else altogether. 

5 years of inspiration

My little Methodist sister gave me a really fab birthday present last year –a five year journal. It has in it 366 questions and 5 gaps to answer each one. Brother and Boyfriend were discussing how long I’d last, and Brother was wrong – I got past Wednesday night. I’ve got into a routine of filling in the question when I get in to bed, before ringing Boyfriend for our nightly chat. I also read the next day’s question, in case there is something I need to look out for the next day.

Yesterday’s question is "what inspired you today?" So I tried to keep a look out for inspiration. I picked up on people’s courage, the kindness of companies and helpfulness of friends.

If only it had been today!

Today I’ve realised that I’m not grateful enough for what I have. Yes I’ve had a few interesting days with swapping hire cars – long story, tell you another day! But tonight I’ve had a very exciting email asking me to go to Europe for a planning meeting!

Life is good! Sometimes it's not, but let's remember when it is that we need to realise how special and exciting it can be.

Also, this week I’ve made a cake by myself – I kinda burnt the topping but managed to just cover it in buttons – see the photo! I also made chilli – not that that is a new thing. Tomorrow I’m planning on learning how to make soup! Wish me luck.

Hope 2013 is going well for you.

Me, My friends and Christmas

I’ve always loved tests – by that before you label me as a geek I mean personality tests: Myers-Briggs, IQ tests, those sorts of things. I’m also a bit of a self-reflector – probably why I like blogging. Myers-Briggs usually puts me as an extrovert; it’s close, but certainly more extroverted than introverted. I do enjoy my alone time. Tonight I was walking home from work across Lancaster, trying to remember where I’d left my car, thinking about this blog. Similarly I love thinking when I’m driving, so much so that an old housemate (not old, well older than me, but a previous housemate) got me a notebook for my Birthday/Christmas and in it wrote “I thought you could keep [this notebook] in your glove box to record all the great ideas that come to you when you are driving (when it’s safe and legal to do so!)”

However it’s a bit strange at the moment to be on my own. I’ve spent about 40 hours this week at my parents house – the place people keep asking me when I’m going home for Christmas to, ignoring the fact I’ve never really lived there as they moved in ‘the year of all the house moves’ aka 2010. My parents are both ill, though Mum has managed to do a funeral today, so Tuesday evening I drove over there, after a wonderful 8 year old gave me some sweets to give to my poorly parents as I couldn’t go to his Christingle Service as I had to go home. This meant I was there ready to take parents to doctors Wednesday morning – the main reason for me going really, as Brother isn’t insured to drive them. Brother and I then got writing the Christmas cards – well he wrote (as he’s got mum’s neat handwriting) and I found all the names and stuck the addresses on the envelopes. We played many card games, I typed up the funeral talk and found out we couldn’t do a Tesco order, so this morning Brother and I went to Sainsburys, where he got double nectar points on the mammoth Christmas shop! What I’ve realised is that I would have had a very different childhood had I been a young carer, and Brother is better at it than me: he walked the dog, did some washing up and made me coffee.

It’s funny really. When Mum was the age I was now she had me. I would have been about 16 months at this point; I feel a bit young to be the caregiver of a child. Babysitting is ok, cuddling little ones at work is fine - I get to give them back. I also thought I would have a few more years before I had to look after my parents and to be fair to them, they are hardly ever ill, and should be well soon so life will be back to normal.

I’ve quite enjoyed buying Christmas presents. In my opinion there’s no point in earning money if I don’t get to share it with others I love. My kinda adoptive family have fed me most weeks of the year and one way of saying thanks and “I love you guys” is by buying them all gifts.

What I’m trying to say is that friendship is really important. I love my time alone, but I thrive best with other people, whether that be looking after my parents, playing card games with Brother or other friends, getting cuddles while reading the same book over and over again with a 2 year old and just the quality time spent with friends. We all need a bit of help sometimes - recently Boyfriend spent his day off helping me get on top of the washing up – cos he’s fab like that.

So this Christmas, if you manage to forget, it’s actually about Jesus being born. Remember it’s about love, friendship, being generous and hugs.

And if I don’t blog again before next Tuesday – Merry Christmas. 

Moving Out, Moving On

Mondays are always a bit strange for me. A while ago on Twitter there was a hashtag going round - #youthworksongs - and one changed 'Working 9-5' to a normal day of a youth worker, mine today would be 'Working 9-11, 3-5, 6:30-9:30, what a way to make a living'. But it's actually the gaps I want to focus on today. Monday is the last day of my working week, and as I worked last Tuesday (though technically had the Saturday of 3Gen off it’s my first day off in 9 days tomorrow. This is, however, the first time I’ve sat at my laptop all day, so emails will have to wait till Wednesday.

Anyway today!

Today was the day I’ve been dreading for quite a while. The day Boyfriend moved out. I knew as soon as he moved in that it wasn’t forever. We have always said we wouldn’t live together before we got married, but as he got his job in nearby city and no real time to house hunt before he started, he moved in and my study / guest room was occupied again.

Car has been playing up in the normal way today –but it's off to the garage in the morning so that should hopefully be the end of that! So any time I say 'so we/I drove here or there' imagine a few minutes of the car not starting to add to the stress. I got home from my exciting Monday morning meeting (not sarcasm, I really do enjoy it) to get the car packed up, Boyfriend was mostly packed, had sorted the details and soon we were on our way to letting agent office number 1 to sign paperwork, the cheap supermarket for lunch then letting agent office 2 to get keys. Then finally to the house, where Boyfriend met one housemate leaving for work and we moved stuff in, made the bed, unpacked the clothes, had lunch, moved the furniture, drove Boyfriend back to letting agent office 2 as there were issues with keys and I drove off back to work. 2 hours later, I have an hour and a half to kill and decide to look for a single friendly eatery (as you get funny looks in some places asking for a table for one); the local supermarket cafe stopped serving at 5 (it was 5:05 at this point) and my fave pub for eating in didn’t start till 6. So off I went to Indian takeaway for Chicken Korma. Realising at this point I had no cutlery and stealing from a supermarket cafe is wrong I went and found plastic cutlery to buy – so now I’m prepared for next nine times I need to eat takeaway in my car! It was also about this point that I had a fab chat with a great friend, who let me rant and work out how I was feeling –as well as making me laugh, before going back off to work.

Today is a sad day. (I'd bet that there aren't many relationships where moving out from your partner's house is seen as progress. It is quite nice to know we can live together, yes the house is a bit messy, and we argue about silly things but I still love that man. It has been a lovely couple of months, and we still aren’t about to dance up the aisle (Though my proof reader states “I'm not dancing up the aisle ever!” ), but I think we are closer, and realistically if he can move out when I’m working at 11 and 3, I’m pretty sure I’m going to see a lot more of him than I ever did when he lived in that other country.

So yes it's sad, but it's another step on our journey, moving on as well as moving out and I’m not going to become a wimpy missing him kinda person, I’m a hardened Long Distance Relationshipper who is, as Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat sang, “Lucky [to be] in love with my best friend” 

garage rant

I don’t often use names in blogs, and if I had evidence I would today, but as I don’t I’m just going to rant about an unnamed body shop type garage.

You may recall at the end of August I had a bit of a bump in my car, about 4 weeks later I got my car back good as new – or so I thought.

During the cold and wet times of year my car has a habit of not starting, or starting after a few times. Occasionally it starts first time, usually when I’m leaving my house – which is nice of it, and always when it is at the normal garage and they are trying to work out what is wrong.

Then today after leaving a work church after an exciting youth fellowship session – where they had remembered what I’d done with them months earlier! So left church to find car wouldn’t unlock with button, would unlock with key, but then wouldn’t start at all. Long and short of it is – after taking key apart and almost going back to collect other key we(well mainly the fab church member who works at the garage I go to normally) popped the bonnet and found the battery cable had come undone, but after fixing that, more concerningly (spell checker doesn’t think that’s a word but I can’t think of a better one) the battery hadn’t been screwed back in to where it should live. I’m not saying that the BODYSHOP GARAGE IN A NEARBY CITY RECOMMENDED BY MY INSURER is to blame, but the facts are my car was serviced in the summer by my normal garage and it was fine and now it’s not, and there aren’t many other people who have been under my bonnet.

All that being said the fab church member managed to get the battery back where it belongs and I managed to drive home – after a few goes as the other starting problem came back – but that is hopefully being fixed on Tuesday.

Ok rant over, so glad I was at that church and people were able to help me, just not impressed that it seems that my car wasn’t put back together right.

Also thought you’d want a shorter blog this time, not what I thought I’d be writing about today, but needed to get it off my chest. 

someone parked in my space!

I know I've said before that I'm a bit of a control freak, but I'm also a creature of habit. You also need to know that I live in a place where the houses are in one part and the parking spaces are in another part. There are more spaces than houses and every house has one parking space.

I was driving home on this very wet night from my youth club and arrived back at home, but as I drove up the drive I noticed someone parked in my space. This unnerved me. And at first I wondered who was visiting me. I normally just go straight into my space, but am glad I wasn't so much on autopilot that I drove into them.

Now its not the end of the world, there was somewhere else to park, but it felt strange, walking to my house from a different side, and thinking that someone else's car is in my space. I know I rent this house and its furniture, but it does feel like mine, my house, my stuff, my parking space.

I'm not sure why it unsettled me so much, but I know I think things through by driving or by blogging, and as driving wasn't an option the latter became my plan.
Maybe it's just cos it wasn't what I was expecting, and it was out of my routine, but Someone parked in my space!!!!

after bump thoughts - control, perception and lying

Firstly and most importantly I am fine.

Here are just some of my thoughts – possibly three blogs worth but I’ll see where I get to – from being in a car accident.

I’ve had a phone call today saying that my car is being stripped down to check for internal damage, and if its bad they could be writing my car off – so maybe bump was an understatement.

I’ve spent much of the past few days telling people I’m not injured, companies ringing me up asking me about my claim. If I’ve told them once I’ve told them at least seven times now. I’ve been taught not to lie. We live in a culture that is all about blame. I’ve been told many times that the other driver has taken the blame – which as I was stationary and he went into the back of me isn’t really disputable, and that it is good he is to blame. Funny you can find good things about the guy who drove into me. Though, to be honest he was a lovely guy and was very nice, though think my shaking scared him a little bit.

After the bump, I found a road around the corner and waiting there for my parents to arrive, while I rang the insurers and started the process. Then we drove, with Brother now in my car with me back to theirs. Most of the journey Mum and Dad followed me in their car, just to check the back wasn’t about to fall off my car, or something like that! When they weren’t and as I drove to the garage the next day I was very aware of what others might think of my car, and therefore of me – will they think I’m a bad driver. I’ve been thinking about make up recently (don’t worry there is a link). Make up is something generally girl wear, and it’s not really about how they see themselves, as they can’t see it, its similar with hair styles, though of course with longer hair it is easier to see – and I know I like it when I can see the blue in my hair as my hair is a decent length. So its not about how we look, but how we are seen and therefore perceived. We use words in a similar way, I talk about Boyfriend ‘moving into my spare room,’ rather than saying we are going to be ‘living together.’ If you followed me some weeks you’d think all I did was have coffee with different men – but that’s just working for the church for you.

My 3rd main thought about the bump is about control. I know I’ve said before I’m a bit of a control freak. My first thought as the van went into my car was, oh the car is moving, I need to stop that. When Boyfriend and I got train to London on Thursday morning we were sat in the ‘entertainment carriage’ which means you get a tv screen on the back of the seat infront of you – like on a plane and so I spent much of the journey watching were we are on the map, this was something that I loved on the plane to and from South Africa, especially the moment middle of the night when we were over the Sahara Desert. Spending time in London my parents seem to prefer the bus to the tube – and walking along the Thames most of all! I prefer the tube, you can follow where you are on the map, I know how it works. Buses are a bit more unpredictable. Boyfriend and I were talking to someone over the past few days about living in London. Boyfriend would love to, though I think he is also looking forward to being able to walk in the beautiful countryside around me, whereas I’m more of a ‘towny’ who is coping with rural life.

The bump shock me cos I was out of control in the one place I feel most in control. Similarly on Wednesday when I picked up my shiny hire car I felt slightly out of control, the corsa being that bit different to my Getz. And now waiting to hear how my little car is, I'm out of control.


So I’m vainer that I think. As always I’m a control freak, but I’m no liar. Let’s just see what the next step is and pray they don’t write my car off.

Added - 14:27 on 3.9.12 - just had a phone call, car is fixable. Prayer works!

Back to Earth with a Bump!

There are sometimes in life when something happens and everything else has to revolve around that. It’s usually something major, and generally life changing – but sometimes it’s just a small thing. My next few blogs are going to be about one thing that happened. The ideas are written down the side of a Sudoku book and might be five blogs, or might just be two or three if I condense them.

But this blog is just the start, setting the scene so to speak.

Last Thursday night despite everything that Thursday threw at me (and that story will be in another blog in this series – you’re getting interested now aren’t you) I managed to drive over to my parents’ house to do the final prep and pick up the important things – like my brother and the camping stove, ready to drive to Greenbelt in the morning.

For those of you who don’t know Greenbelt is a Christian Arts and Justice Festival, held at Cheltenham Race Course on August Bank Holiday weekend. This was my 4th year there.

I go for a number of reasons:

Friends! Firstly it’s an event that I get to see many of my Methodist friends at. I also bought tickets for a group of 12 and most of us camped together which was really nice. As well as randomly bumping into people (interesting use of word there – totally different bump to that in the title, it’s my blog so I get to reflect as I go along ok?) It is always nice for the prearranged hot chocolate, and orange juices with people, catching up and three times meeting friends’ new girlfriends.

Worship – Now I know I’ve said before that I go to a number of different festivals throughout the year and worship isn’t the first thing I think of usually when planning my greenbelt, however this year had two worship highlights for me. Firstly communion, I love sharing bread and wine with family, friends and strangers alike, as well as blowing bubbles, doing silly action songs and reflecting on seeds. As well as the challenge to ‘Bring ‘em all in to my heart’ when singing about the lost and the least. Secondly was Andy Flan and his powerful worship, for which Boyfriend felt a bit unprepared as I cried over him for quite a while. Sometimes life is sad, I was having one of those evenings last night too. I love being a part of the sisterhood that is MWiB, but as you get when you bring people and in this case women together life happens and pain is there. The leadership in our movement are generally having a rough (understatement) time. I’ve struggled recently to get my head around death, struggled with God, I struggled at Soul Survivor with some of the imagery often used in regards to the Holy Spirit. So after the story of the woman at the well, who was so hurt yet loved by Jesus I knew I had to let God in, and I wept. Crying for a future that will never happen, a family travelling the hard road of grief, and for myself, to enter back into God’s loving arms, to be held and loved as the Child of God I am.

Talks. GB has some brilliant speakers, some I agreed with, some I disagreed with, some who I thought were just brave to turn up. I was challenged in my opinion on the Press and Leverson. I learnt about ethical weddings – and not only did Boyfriend suggest I attend that one, he also came with me! (think when I do eventually get married then the ethicalness of my wedding will appear in a blog them – that will be another time when my whole life will revolve around something) I enjoyed Vicky Beeching’s talk about social media and worship, and will come back to that in another blog. It was also great to see Boyfriend being interviewed about his trip to Israel/Palestine.

Music. Apart from Paul Bell who I love a lot there wasn’t much music I had intended to go out of my way to see. I did however enjoy The Proclaimers, Bellowhead, Fischy music and of course Folk On.

Film. Now this is Brother’s fave part of greenbelt I think. I joined him for the Film Review of the Year which I enjoyed last year too, and having only seen about five or so films this year and Gareth Higgins liked most of them I think I did well. With Cousin 5, her Boyfriend, Brother’s friend (why are we playing around me?)and Cousin 5’s friend from Spring Harvest, we entered the film quiz, under the name ‘The Lord of the Quizes’ and came about middle which was good as we guessed most and refused to take part in the singing round. Brother and his friend (Wawpam) were also busy helping the people from the BBC with some of their film events and even saved the day with Brother’s Mac when other technology failed. This all lead to something very exciting that I will tell you about in the next paragraph – so not so long to wait.

Comedy and poetry. I’ve clumped these together. Harry Baker and other poets did a brilliant job, I particularly liked the female poets at the Woken Spured event. This year I’ve been to less comedy than other years. I did start this year with Paul Kerensa talking about Climate Change, in a informational and funny way. Then every day ended with Last Orders, it was mostly funny though ‘as the actress said to the bishop’ was just awful! Each night was different but my highlight has to be Sunday night when Brother and Wawpam got to go on stage and explain about the film competition. After saving 18 seats, and going back to find the memory card for the camera and Mum even staying up late to watch it, Brother, Wawpam and their Hawaiian shirts talked to about 3200 people! Very Proud Big Sister Moment! Having said that when we were walking back to the tents after that my piggy backpack got more comments that Brother did, but that’s the fickleness of fame for you!

Camping and mud. I love camping, I could have done without so much of the mud and rain that caused it, or the leaky tents by the end of the weekend. But all in all it was a fab time.


So after leaving Paradise – the theme of the weekend, I dropped Cousin 5 off at the train station and started to drive to Chepstow. And that’s when a van went into the back of my car. BUMP!

Big Steps and Stillness

There are some times in my life when it feels like God is really trying to teach me something. Though sometimes when you have those life changing experiences you need to remember them, and particularly my blog (in general, not just this post) is about that – remembering what I’ve learnt or thought about.

I’m not really sure what started this blog post – it may have been something I read on Jill Baker’s blog but I was thinking as I drove through Wales on Friday about moments of stillness. There is one part of the journey, driving through a valley (obviously said with the welsh accent) that the radio goes off, and it’s just me and my thoughts.

At one of my many interviews this year I was asked about my hobbies and I talked about training for the 5k, blogging, and how I enjoy driving. They – the interview panel – commented that these were all individual activities, ones that I do on my own, and asked if I was contemplative. Now I currently live alone – well kind of, I’m currently looking after a lot of animals for some friends / colleague. Living alone means that my spare time is used up by myself, I’ve already talked in other blog posts about how connected I am, and how I’m never really lonely.

I’ve not always lived alone. I learnt a lot about myself when living with people. I had a friend staying with me for quite a while earlier this year and their stuff has all been moved out today to make room for my next house guest.

On Sunday morning the preacher (Rev David Easton of Island Parish fame) was talking about finding stillness, times to focus on God, for some people that’s by being in the beauty of creation, for others is a holy place, for some it needs to be silent, for others that is distracting.

I was in Wales this weekend for the wedding of two of Boyfriend’s Housemates from University. Now over the past 15 months Boyfriend and I have been to 8 weddings. They have all been very different but I must say this weekend has to be one of my favourites, plus Boyfriend’s University Town will always be a special place.

I spent yesterday getting my house ready for Boyfriend to move into the spare bedroom. I’ve spent a lot of time working out what all this means, and we’ve spent time working out some ground rules. There are two things that worry me about living with Boyfriend; being too much like a married couple and falling out completely. My last no distance relationship only lasted a few months and that was years ago.

No one can accuse me and Boyfriend of rushing into marriage for one thing, and it worries me that by living together that when we get married that will be the only difference, so I’m taking steps to ensure it’s my house that he’s staying in, we have separate bedrooms and it is only short term. So if anyone knows of a place Boyfriend can live please let me know!

Like when we have to find places of stillness to listen to God it is really important to have moments when we talk about the serious things in our lives, set the ground rules and work out how we fit our ideals to the practicalities that life throws at us.

growing old

I don’t know about you but I love old people. Well mostly! As a minister's daughter I spent years saying that I didn’t want to spend time with all the old fogies in the church. Then I moved to my university city and spent many Saturday mornings with a bunch of older folk. And now in my little village I go to a weekly coffee morning where I’m the youngest by two generations most weeks. By some I’ve been adopted as a granddaughter, by others I’m the techy / mobile expert. Some think it’s rude to mention the struggle they have getting on and off the toilet, others tell me of the husband’s fondness of their behind. I have some – one particularly who is probably reading this and is going to tell me off again for suggesting he is old who tells me often that it’s all about common sense, and he is right. I love the wisdom of people who were born (much) earlier than me.

Why do I tell you this you ask? Well maybe you didn’t, but I like to explain why I’m thinking what I’m thinking, or where my thinking stemmed from. Yesterday I was on my way home from a weekend with boyfriend which I will come back to in a bit. So en route I stopped in at my grandparents’ house. I got caught up on the family gossip, was fed (which was beans on toast and I have 1 and ½ slices of toast – the extra ½ to fatten me up!) and generally chatted. Now I’ve come to believe that my granny’s stories all have a thread of truth in them, but I generally after visiting Granny have to ring my parents to check I wasn’t a horrible teenager, or they aren’t upset about something from before I was born. I’ve also found that old people also sometimes don’t have the limits we would so I learnt some things that I was quite happy not knowing.

All these thoughts were embedded within a weekend of sunshine and ceremonies. Saturday was the 3rd wedding of the year (out of 5) and it was great to see boyfriend’s Uni friends get married, after a lovely ceremony where the Vicar got the groom’s name wrong and told us to remember the significance of the blue rose – which she didn’t tell us, a whole bunch of methsoccers of old went out for a lovely meal, if you ignore the small portion sizes. The evening do was lovely, more food, dancing and J20s. After dropping friends off all over the city and nearly going through a red light – I didn’t, and actually earlier in the day someone had who then nearly went into the side of me, wasn’t a great driving day really! So yeah, after dropping friends off we went back to boyfriend’s house where the laptop wasn’t working and mother-out-of-law was trying to get stuff printed.

Sunday started with church and a christening, being introduced to many of boyfriend’s friends, and being support techy. Can I just say as an aside that I love boyfriend a lot because he tapes down cables and I’m a health and safety freak. Now I’m not always a fan of christenings as it feels like the church is being used by families, making promises that they don’t mean and we can’t keep for them. However it was great to see the church so full – literally standing room only. The minister did a great service linking the family’s passion of football to prayer. I also don’t admit this often so I hope he appreciates it but maybe boyfriend was right when we discussed infant baptism the other day, maybe the church should be there and be excited that people still want a Christian ceremony to celebrate their child’s birth.

After that we went back to the local city for a festival with some more friends. It was a lovely and sunny afternoon, catch up, and I had my first ever hog roast, followed by ice cream – yummy! We said goodbye to our friends, and then boyfriend and I went out on a date night. We ate popcorn, saw ‘seeking a friend for the end of the world’ and then went to the popular restaurant that sells Italian food that boyfriend can get cheap! This led to conversations about the film, and if the world was ending what would we do, expect and all those sorts of things. Now I’m a planner, my diary is generally full of what’s happening months in advance, would I still be doing what I’ve got planned in the world was gonna end in 3 weeks time? Monday’s meeting about 3Gen in November might have been a waste of time, but then is it? When you spend time with friends, have fun, share sweets and generally be with people.

I live like I’m going to grow old, nothing is rushed – well apart from being a bit last minute. I’d love to be an old person, the freedom to say things you can’t when you are young. I don’t however want the aches and pains but that’s a different issue all together.

Maybe what I’ve learnt it to seize the day. I don’t want to live regretting things I never did, or was too busy planning the future to enjoy the present. As in the film I want to spend my days, seeking friends, seeking love and living for now.

more coats and shoes - dressed for life

I started this blog on Thursday and was just going to write about it being Christian Aid week, but got distracted from blogging by Question Time Bingo, which was very fun and so have returned to it today and want to bring something of this morning's service in too.

This week has been very busy! Not as busy as it was meant to be as I missed Youth Work Summit yesterday as I needed a day to rest and stop being so ill – I’m a pathetic ill person but don’t worry I’m not going to blog about that again.

I drove over 500 miles in just over 24 hours Tuesday / Wednesday.

Did more job hunting stuff

Did my job – though that did mean I bumped into my favourite 2 year old for a kiss and a cuddle.

And did my Christian Aid week delivering and collecting.

Last year was the first time I'd been a collector for this brill charity, and I was really looking forward to it, getting to meet my neighbours. This year was just as fun, people knew when I knocked on their door what I was after which made things easier and only had one person challenge me on what Christian Aid do with the money – his plan was to (please excuse my English) “shoot the bloody dictators” to ensure the money got to the people who needed it.

I don’t have a tv in my bedroom. For this reason cos I’ve been feeling a bit ill and grumpy I’ve spent a lot of time this week in bed rather than in my living room, and therefore I’ve been listening to music rather than watching tv in the background. One of my favourite singers at the moment is Paul Bell and I have 2 of his cds – yeah I’m rather old school when it comes to music. One song that I’ve been reflecting on and I thought of during today’s service is ‘Same Planet, Different World’ I encourage you to listen to it here. Its like the #middleclasswoes on twitter.

Sometimes life feels like it’s just a bit much. We all go through different things, how can I really complain when there are people starving in Africa, or being burnt in acid baths for being witches.

The service today went on to talk about shoes. Someone before the service commented to their neighbour that someone had left their shoes in the middle of the front, something similar happened to me when I’d hung 3 coats on the pulpit, it all became clear later. In job hunting many people have come out with Christian Clichés about doors and in God’s time, and I thank you for trying, but I don’t need your pretty clichés (posh, pretty shoes that are not good when the going gets tough) – I need your time, and support and hugs (practical trainers). On my notice board I have a postcard that someone gave me a couple of years ago and they didn’t write anything but drew a heart and their name, and that means more to me. I was prophesied over at Soul Survior last summer and one of the people said they saw a picture of coats and how we have different coats for different times and seasons, ones that fit us and the situation we are in at that time. I know I'm in a time where I'm working out which coat I need next.

The line repeated by one preacher today (we had a rather ace double act and it was so great for lay and ordained people working together in harmony) was from the John 17 passage – Jesus prays ‘I am not asking you to take them out of the world but to protect them.’

That's what I needed to hear today. Being a Christian isn’t about being wrapped up in bubble wrap, but about running the race, going for it. The example used was that of an egg and spoon race around the church, with people helping out by opening doors. God gives us the people to help out along the way.

My final thought ish – and I am about to stop promise cos I’ve just got onto page 2 of my word file, comes from Adrian Plass, he was given the phrase ‘Nothing is wasted.’ God uses everything we go through, the rubbish he turns into manure so we can grow further and better. He said he had to pass it on as he isn’t given anything from God for him to keep – now that is wisdom.

I’ve also recently been reflecting on the Covenant prayer a lot recently. In January when I said it everything I was doing was for God, working, looking after a homeless friend, local preaching. And now I’m job hunting, with the possibility of being jobless and having to move back in with my parents. And yeah it does worry me, but I don’t want a get me out of here card, I know that God will protect me, and use what happens to me, to further the work He does in me.

So again I pray the prayer of covenant.

‘I am no longer my own but yours.
Put me to what you will,
rank me with whom you will;
put me to doing,
put me to suffering;
let me be employed for you,
or laid aside for you,
exalted for you,
or brought low for you;
let me be full,
let me be empty,
let me have all things,
let me have nothing:
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal.
And now, glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
you are mine and I am yours.'

All Change

Before we begin, I'm not going to say sorry, but I am going to warn you
a, my proof reader is away
b, this is long and rambley
c, it makes sense to me, and its my blog and I'm in control here, but if it doesn't for you hopefully normality will be returned on the next blog.



Life often seems to go in waves.
Let me give you an example, in the last few years I've known many church people who were turning 40, then this year my friends who are still in their 30s seem to all have been married 10 years - well 3 couples at least.
Or in youth work, you may have a group of 11 year olds join the youth club and you work with them for 5 years and in that time get some kids who are 2 or 3 years younger, but not one year younger.
Live goes in waves.

Last time I remember feeling like everything was changing and I was out of control of it was at the about October 2010 - I know the timing as I remember sitting in a certain bedroom. 2010 I had 5 addresses, at work we were going through the starts of the changes to form the new circuit that now exists. So I was moving house a lot, and changing line manager, and generally feeling a bit out of control of everything.

Now I think for me this is the thing. Change can be exciting, for example I was instrumental in the end of MYE and the formation of the DYEs. That was exciting change, those of you who knew me in 2007/2008 will know the YPS steering group was my main passion. Though I know it also stressed me out a lot. (I apologise for the Methodist jargon and whichever ground rule that was!)

My issue isn't change, it's control. I am a control freak.

I may have said this before but when I'm feeling out of control I like to go for a drive, it calms me down as I know at that time I'm in control of my car, speed, direction etc. and linking back to one of the MWiB blogs I did, getting lost by myself is less stressful than getting lost of the Sat Nav and me disagreed as then I'm not in control.


Anyway back to present day. I'm yet again at a place where everything is changing. There have been a few announcements in the past week about people moving on, and I know that if I find a job I could be the other end of the country or even in Wales.
Just feels like at the moment the wave is all about change.
The CD in my car currently is Andy Flannagan and my fave song on this cd has the line - 'we are changed to be the change you promise'

My aims for 2012 were meant to change me, make me healthier, fairer, and more talented. But again they were changes I wanted to make.

I know sometimes I can't be in control and hopefully God is - depending on the interviewers understanding of God's will.
We don't go through this alone, and we don't go through it without reason. Today I challenged young people to change their communities, their prayers for the world covered most of the map and I am constantly amazed at young people's commitment to prayer and to action.
We watched a clip from Evan Almighty where he is talking to God (Morgan Freeman!!) and God laughs at his plans. Makes me think that as much as I want to be in control, that God needs to be ultimately in charge, maybe that's why everything feels so change-y, cos I need to let go of control. There's kinda a boat at see image in my head and I need to stop trying to steer in a storm and give God control.

I guess what worries me is I feel stressed when I'm not in control and someone else is - maybe that's why I get travel sick (hmm, sorry random tangent will think about that elsewhere). Maybe my prayer needs to be for God's peace to take hold. For God to calm the storm in my worries as well as the storm of change - or at least guide me safely through.

And peace brings me on to Boyfriend...

Boyfriend has had a ... day (I don't know what the word is as I don't think he knows yet really). Its hard to see someone you love, who is so far away, and you can't talk to go through something that looks difficult. But I know its life changing, and he's being changed to be the change God promises. I just prayer that as he sleeps tonight he will be rested for the rest of the week, be refreshed fro the next day and be transformed further so God can use him to be the change in this World

Identity, Coats and Disney

I started this blog on Saturday, but wasn't sure it was right and had a sermon I was meant to be writing. That evening I was talking to a friend about why it's easier to blog than to sermon, and I decided it's cos I can talk about me more, though my blogs often end up with God. To hear more of my sermon writing antics read Paul's Blog But here is my blog, I've added stuff from my sermon, and updated the times. Enjoy

I've been driving on rural roads again but don't worry that isn't the metaphor I'm using again... yet.

In my car I have a Disney CD playing at the moment - blame Brother for that! I have a feeling there will be a few blogs on things Disney teaches me - I already have one in my blog drafts folder but today I want to talk about identity.

First thing I've learnt is that Disney films aren't nice. The Hunchback of Notre-Dame starts (I think, not seen it in ages) with a 'Gypsy' killed for running away to save her baby, who isn't cute... when she is accused of stealing. The story is told in the song and it uses the line 'one is the monster and one the man’, and goes on to ask ‘who is the monster and who is the man?’ The adult who killed the mother and the child. The former gives the child the name Quasimodo which means half formed.

The next song on the CD is from Aladdin, where the Genie renames Aladdin as Prince Ali. I like how the songs often link one to the next.

I think names are really interesting. I'm a peaceful ewe. One of my favourite youth work sessions explores who we are and what defines us, sharing your name with someone doesn't really tell them anything... When I was in South Africa I was British Rachel, as we also had an Irish Rachel. Yeah, of all the 18-30s women in Methodism Britain and Ireland managed to pick two Rachel's!! On Twitter I'm Rachic11 which doesn't tell you much but then I get a whole 160 characters to explain who I am, and in that you get - girlfriend,daughter,sister,friend,methodist,youth worker,HKS4MWiB,f&w studier, Views are my own.

So, how often do we reinvent ourselves?
I was at a coffee morning on Saturday that I have been going to for over 4 years on and off - nowadays only when I get a free Saturday morning. I wonder how different I am now to the nervous 18 year old who turned up her first week in the city. There are two brilliant old men there, the banter between them is so funny and somehow I often get into trouble (all in jest) when they put words in my mouth. Wonder if they see a difference in me.

I've also bought a new phone this weekend. I've loved my current/old phone and had it since my 21st, but Friday night, going in to a famous Italian food based hut ,I dropped it and the answer call button no longer works! So I've had to get a new phone, its similar to my old one, but definitely an upgrade. How I spend my money is a big way I show who I am, and getting the best contract for my money means I have the capability to be there for people online and to listen on the phone, and money spare to give to charity.

The other way I change how I look is hair and glasses. Though I noticed the other day that I bought the same frames for sunglasses both in 2008 and 2010. As part of my sermon I talked about how our clothes are part of our identity. I have 3 coats, my youth work one that I use for detached work and when I'm camping and need to put something over my pjs when telling young people off at 3am. Its waterproof. Then there is my furry on the inside thick winter coat - looks good with wellies. And third is my pretty summer coat that I was given for one birthday. It's great for a dry night out - but not if it's wet as its dry clean only. The sermon went into what the people were doing by laying their coats on the ground, their security and warmth - as well as identity - sacrificing part of who they to exalt Jesus.

Going back to the 'monster or man' idea I've recently been to see the Muppets at the cinema and that has 'am I a man up a muppet.' Now ignoring the fact I'm a woman, how do I want to be seen? I often joke I'd be a great evil genius if my morals didn't get in the way. And boyfriend calls me a muppet often.

Does it really matter who I have been, the name I've been given, or even who I am going to be (though all are part of who I am) but surely it's about who I am today. How I use who I have been to guide who I am and can be, and what do I need to sacrifice to exalt Jesus.

gossip and petrol

Margaret Sentamu told me on Saturday that gossip is good!

I probably should say she wasn't just talking to me - though I did have chance to chat to Mrs ABY a couple of times while at the MWiB roadshow as I was being the techy and clicking buttons for her powerpoint.

She used the african proverb - "if you educate a man, you educate an individual. If you educate a woman you educate a family" to justify that statement.

Now I liked that. I like a bit of gossip. I'd like to clarify that, by saying it's cos I'm nosy, I'm good at keeping secrets so don't worry I won't tell everyone that it was you who...

But I also understand that gossip can cause real issues. Like for example petrol. No strike has actually been decided on. But gossip can very easily be spread and grows out of proportion. When the media take hold of something like the possibilities of a petrol strike, and then people with authority say something about it, folk devils are created and we go into a moral panic (See I knew AS level Sociology was worth it). In this case losing trust in the people who provide the fuel we need to get around and panic buying. Which is a silly phrase in its own right, but that's another story.

Now I haven't been out to panic buy fuel, and I'm now at a stage where some point tomorrow I am going to need to get some. Living a in rural community I have no choice but to drive to most places I go. The buses don't go on the right routes or at times that work and its too far to walk, and you can't really carry stuff on a bike - ignoring the fact I can't ride one. One again the rural communities miss out.

We live in a society where information is constantly being spread. Blogging is easy, tweeting is even easier, and we share our lives on facebook. Occasionally we go back to emails so that things can't be mixed up with our facebook lives. We share information, opinions, and prayer requests. I wonder where it is all going to end.

And I'm here, sat at home cos it seems silly to go out to have an excuse to get petrol, spending even more time in the digital world.

Coming Home

Many months ago I went through my diary and found a totally free weekend! I plan my life out in great detail in my diary, if it’s not in there it doesn’t happen. I don’t bother taking appointment cards because to be fair they are just something else to lug around and I might as well write it straight into my diary.

So I decided that my free weekend would be best used on a holiday! Therefore me and boyfriend went camping this weekend– yes in March! When we booked it I hadn’t noticed it was Mothers Day, but actually this was quite apt. We went camping on a basic but nice campsite (the toilet was plumbed in and not a portaloo!), where we were the only tent, and as the weekend got wetter I saw why the other 10 or so groups there had brought caravans and parked at the top of the field.

Being long distance, me and boyfriend don’t go on many dates, but we got the tent up and went off to find a chippy before deciding a local pub made more sense and had burgers. Much to boyfriend’s dismay we couldn’t find a Weatherspoons though. [my proof reader says this is NOT TRUE!!]

By 10pm we were in our sleeping bags as it was so cold and we’d both forgotten to bring some cards. Though I remember talking about the colour of the sky, I’m so rural nowadays I’ve forgotten that light pollution in big cities changes the sky’s colour!
Saturday dawned well rained, but we ventured out of the tent when it stopped to eat cereal, make lunch and meander across the countryside to visit my uncle and auntie/Godmother and 2 youngest cousins in time for tea. We did manage on the way over to look at birds where I got accused of being my father’s child (Which I am!) and bought a dress for one of this year’s many weddings and a book. There were a few moments when I recognised where we were, memories of car journeys, or shopping for post-its.

We had a lovely evening and boyfriend even ate Indian food, and got to watch most of the rugby - even if he missed the tries due to eating. I called a lion a tiger and had a good catch up with the family. All too soon we had to head back to the cold tent where I didn’t sleep well and even woke up, middle of the night after dreaming about a huge meal being made for me but not getting to eat it, really hungry and the food was all in the car – a wet 5 meters away.

Sunday and the real reason we had chosen that area arrived. Though started with the trudge up hill will one of the favourite books of my favourite 22 month old going through my head. Which goes something along the lines of “Father Christmas needs a wee, he’s being drinking drinks since half past 3, at number 1, 1 hot choc – yum...”

Boyfriend and I were on MYE together back in 2007-2008 and our meetings were at a place I called home the first time I arrived in the car park. Yardley Hastings United Reform Church and Crossways Centre was the aim of our pilgrimage to Northamptonshire. We arrived a bit early so drove over to Castle Ashby to see the roads we used to walk in the middle of the night.

We rang the church doorbell and were greeted by Jenny who took a few moments trying to place us. It was so nice to be home, in a place that had mothered me. The service was lovely, the people as friendly as I remembered and the coffee hot! And we rewrote on the wall we’d written on years before.

Then it was time to leave again, we went into a local city window shopped for ages, drove round many many roundabouts and finally dropped boyfriend off at train station. This was not the end of the weekend though.

I drove from there to a road I used to live on to collect brother from work and take him to his house – via a pizza place (yummy tuna pizza) and we then decided to surprise our mum by driving up to see her for about 14 hours. She lives in a place I’ve never lived though it’s looking like I might in the future if I don’t get my act together and find a new job. We didn’t quite manage to surprise her liked we hoped as she arrived as I was trying to hide my car behind the house. But still it was a very lovely evening.

The next morning after dropping brother off at station and buying more petrol I drove home, to where I live, but you could say I never really left.

My Truth

I have a confession. I woke up today at 12 noon, as the supermarket man arrived my online delivery (which was 1 hour - 3 hours early).To be fair, my diary on Monday did say sleep in the morning, and I'd woken up before 8.

But its made me think as much as I can plan my life in my diary, my body has the final say on what I can do - maybe it knew I was going to go running this morning! Life is meant to be back to normal after the mad week I had last week. But what is normal?

My Facebook is playing up at the moment, I think it's my laptop that is causing the trouble, but I've tried on a few different browsers and they all have the same issue, though other computers do not. But I keep meaning to ask friends from last week if they are back to normal - but can't.

So what is normal? Who am I? This blog has been rewritten in my head for months. Back in the autumn there was a great show called My Transsexual Summer, and some of the people in that show used the phrase 'I'm living my truth.' I'm lucky to be happy with my body, I'm vain and think I'm beautiful, I'm happy sitting in front of a mirror watching myself - particularly while on the phone, this works in this house as I love sitting on the stairs.

I'm the girl in the pink slippers at Connecting Disciples.

I love driving cos I feel in control. I'm a control freak - though messy.

I've collected some great friends who I would call family over the years. My sisters, my big brothers, some lovely nephews, aunties, uncles, parents and even a son. I'm also blessed with a lovely blood family and I'm particular close with my parents and brother, and great Godparents! Not forgetting my amazing boyfriend who puts up with a lot.

I get stressed cos I'm passionate. Watching films with me is either annoying or funny, depending on if you need to watch in silence or not. I'm indecisive, but when I've made a decision I generally stick with it.

I'm known for hugs, smiles and supportive nodding. I'm a listener and say "fair enough," "cool" and "I see" a lot. I talk too fast, say 'um' too much and drop my voice at the end of sentences - but I'm working on that.

This is me, living my truth.

day in the life of...

After a week of random days today has been back to normal! Well back to work at least.

So here is me blogging life, literally. Now I keep a diary of the practical things that I do, I could go back to 2010 and know what I did on this day (I had a Reflective Manager group meeting and was going to go to the cinema - but then didn't). So this isn't just what would be in my diary, but an insight in what I've done today.

So I woke up after plenty of sleep, I woke to a text that had arrived the night before, played some tetris and arranged tea on Tuesday, and saw my prayer on @yr_of_prayer on twitter. I got up and got ready and drove down to my Sunday morning youth fellowship, and stopped on the way to buy lots of breakfasty items (Muffins, Crumpets, pancakes and golden syrup). The service started with a number of songs including 'Lord make me a Mountain' I really picked up on the line - "

Lord make me the servant of everyone I meet" [I've been thinking a lot recently about what I do for God, what I do with God, what is work and what is just being a Christian]. Then there was

an activity about what we value; money, family, looks etc.

When we got through into the Youth room - AKA the vestry. We got the breakfast and hot chocolate sorted and set to the task of planning worship for the Sunday school anniversary in May. We started this 2 weeks ago - think I mentioned it in another blog. So we got out the Bibles and hymn books and got distracted by the life files in the youth Bible, which are something I love and loathe as we often go off on tangents and today we got distracted with homosexuality 'it's a sin' so after discussing that Christians can believe many things on a spectrum of human sexuality we got back on task and they decided on a topic and they need to choose hymns next week when I'm not there.

I went from there to a supermarket that sell petrol and give bee points to buy petrol, then off to hobbycraft to buy feathers and boots to get some lunch.

Then back in the car to zoom to a school field to help at a 5-a-side football tournament. Reminded me of the old days at high school and the Mehji cup. The tournament went well even if it was a bit cold and well done to Smash A for winning, and the rest of the teams for playing well. the event concluded with hot dogs and a little talk from me and a local chaplain about running with perciverence, and not worrying - like a feather just floating along.

That finished an hour early and after helping to put a tent down - good practice for camping soon. I went home and had a good chat with a cousin and aunty, catching up and sharing news.

Just before 6 I got back in the car to go to the evening south circuit youth fellowship which had 6 young people at. They got to write things they don't believe in the Bible, things they are confused about and things they do believe. We then managed to discuss, creation, heaven and hell, feeding the 5000. It made me think about what I believe. I've often labelled myself as a liberal, and on some things I am, but I think its more that if I don't have an opinion I err on the side of caution, but maybe that's wrong, there's a difference between questioning and liberal.

And now I'm home, the Tv is on, I've been working on this blog for over an hour, I've updated my to do list on WorkFlowy.com and worked out whats going on over the next couple of weeks.

And that was my day back at work! They aren't all like that but that was my today. Lots to think about, lots done, lots more to do.

rural roads

One of the great things about living in a rural setting is that of the roads I get to drive on. When I first started working here I remember reading one of my churches’ website which said that the best route to our church is the first road after the junction, but you can go left on any road around there and you will find us. It’s the same when driving home; I could go a different route every day of the week. I get to see the sheep and count the number of times I go over and under the train line and the motorway. Keeps life interesting!

Our relationships are the same. We will all go different routes to different destinations. Some people have long engagements and that is right for them. We’ve decided to wait till we are ready to get married and have a relatively short engagement. So in many people’s understanding me and my boyfriend are engaged.

Today is a day that things are a bit upside down, and I thought about proposing. But as we aren’t ready to get married within the next year (well as far as I know) then it would be silly as that is not the road we have decided to go down. On my drive home from the local city I could turn left down 6 different roads. We aren’t just by the right junction yet, we could go down it, but it wouldn’t be right for us right now.

So we keep going down the courtship road till we are ready, it shouldn’t be about a day that only occurs once every 4 years – and to be honest I’d quite like to be proposed to, with a ring and a him down on one knee.

It reminds me of how we got together. There was a point a couple of months before we got together that we were close – I wondering what if we got together, but the time wasn’t right. We got to a point where we realised why are we not together – and that was the start of us!

So even though today is the day as a woman I’m ‘allowed‘ to propose, me and my boyfriend are still on our journey and have many pretty roads to see, sheep to watch and bridges to count.