Don't worry, be grateful

I preached (badly) on Sunday night and said sometimes if feels like the world is a dark place – going on to talk about Jesus being the light of the world. I talked about not wanting clichés (but I’ve already blogged about that). Then tonight a house group we were talking about how we use our skills, time, and talents as well as money. The conversation moved on from what we plan to what we worry about, as well as sharing and praying through some of the concerns of our church family.

This weekend I was at a MWiB Millennium Development Goals (MDG) day – Hope for Creation. We learnt about the issues surrounding climate change, and challenged in our selfishness, and our understanding of what we deserve and want and what we need. It is also incredible to be part of a movement that prays and stands and sings out against oppression, in solidarity with others and to show their love for one another, God and the World.

I got to spend the weekend with Brother – as he lives near the venue for the MDG day, it was the usual fun of pizza, Big Bang Theory, essays and church. The latter of which was harvest, and there was a table of need, where we remembered that others don’t have spare tins to give away – or clean water. I was a bit uncomfortable as there was no mention of farmers in the UK until the prayers near the end. Maybe I am rural now!

All of these together have made me realise how grateful I should be. Life can be hard, but right now life is ok! We can often look around and see people worse off than us. My house is a bit messy, not so messy that it needs a whole day on it, just at the stage that my Mum would say “little bit little bit little bit gets it done.” Things aren’t so bad that they can’t be fixed. I want to search out for the God things in life, but right now I need to do the washing up, cos that is a small part of the world I can make a better place. And (soppy note) I do love my housemate and it’s always worth making him happy by doing the washing up.

after bump thoughts - control, perception and lying

Firstly and most importantly I am fine.

Here are just some of my thoughts – possibly three blogs worth but I’ll see where I get to – from being in a car accident.

I’ve had a phone call today saying that my car is being stripped down to check for internal damage, and if its bad they could be writing my car off – so maybe bump was an understatement.

I’ve spent much of the past few days telling people I’m not injured, companies ringing me up asking me about my claim. If I’ve told them once I’ve told them at least seven times now. I’ve been taught not to lie. We live in a culture that is all about blame. I’ve been told many times that the other driver has taken the blame – which as I was stationary and he went into the back of me isn’t really disputable, and that it is good he is to blame. Funny you can find good things about the guy who drove into me. Though, to be honest he was a lovely guy and was very nice, though think my shaking scared him a little bit.

After the bump, I found a road around the corner and waiting there for my parents to arrive, while I rang the insurers and started the process. Then we drove, with Brother now in my car with me back to theirs. Most of the journey Mum and Dad followed me in their car, just to check the back wasn’t about to fall off my car, or something like that! When they weren’t and as I drove to the garage the next day I was very aware of what others might think of my car, and therefore of me – will they think I’m a bad driver. I’ve been thinking about make up recently (don’t worry there is a link). Make up is something generally girl wear, and it’s not really about how they see themselves, as they can’t see it, its similar with hair styles, though of course with longer hair it is easier to see – and I know I like it when I can see the blue in my hair as my hair is a decent length. So its not about how we look, but how we are seen and therefore perceived. We use words in a similar way, I talk about Boyfriend ‘moving into my spare room,’ rather than saying we are going to be ‘living together.’ If you followed me some weeks you’d think all I did was have coffee with different men – but that’s just working for the church for you.

My 3rd main thought about the bump is about control. I know I’ve said before I’m a bit of a control freak. My first thought as the van went into my car was, oh the car is moving, I need to stop that. When Boyfriend and I got train to London on Thursday morning we were sat in the ‘entertainment carriage’ which means you get a tv screen on the back of the seat infront of you – like on a plane and so I spent much of the journey watching were we are on the map, this was something that I loved on the plane to and from South Africa, especially the moment middle of the night when we were over the Sahara Desert. Spending time in London my parents seem to prefer the bus to the tube – and walking along the Thames most of all! I prefer the tube, you can follow where you are on the map, I know how it works. Buses are a bit more unpredictable. Boyfriend and I were talking to someone over the past few days about living in London. Boyfriend would love to, though I think he is also looking forward to being able to walk in the beautiful countryside around me, whereas I’m more of a ‘towny’ who is coping with rural life.

The bump shock me cos I was out of control in the one place I feel most in control. Similarly on Wednesday when I picked up my shiny hire car I felt slightly out of control, the corsa being that bit different to my Getz. And now waiting to hear how my little car is, I'm out of control.


So I’m vainer that I think. As always I’m a control freak, but I’m no liar. Let’s just see what the next step is and pray they don’t write my car off.

Added - 14:27 on 3.9.12 - just had a phone call, car is fixable. Prayer works!

gossip and petrol

Margaret Sentamu told me on Saturday that gossip is good!

I probably should say she wasn't just talking to me - though I did have chance to chat to Mrs ABY a couple of times while at the MWiB roadshow as I was being the techy and clicking buttons for her powerpoint.

She used the african proverb - "if you educate a man, you educate an individual. If you educate a woman you educate a family" to justify that statement.

Now I liked that. I like a bit of gossip. I'd like to clarify that, by saying it's cos I'm nosy, I'm good at keeping secrets so don't worry I won't tell everyone that it was you who...

But I also understand that gossip can cause real issues. Like for example petrol. No strike has actually been decided on. But gossip can very easily be spread and grows out of proportion. When the media take hold of something like the possibilities of a petrol strike, and then people with authority say something about it, folk devils are created and we go into a moral panic (See I knew AS level Sociology was worth it). In this case losing trust in the people who provide the fuel we need to get around and panic buying. Which is a silly phrase in its own right, but that's another story.

Now I haven't been out to panic buy fuel, and I'm now at a stage where some point tomorrow I am going to need to get some. Living a in rural community I have no choice but to drive to most places I go. The buses don't go on the right routes or at times that work and its too far to walk, and you can't really carry stuff on a bike - ignoring the fact I can't ride one. One again the rural communities miss out.

We live in a society where information is constantly being spread. Blogging is easy, tweeting is even easier, and we share our lives on facebook. Occasionally we go back to emails so that things can't be mixed up with our facebook lives. We share information, opinions, and prayer requests. I wonder where it is all going to end.

And I'm here, sat at home cos it seems silly to go out to have an excuse to get petrol, spending even more time in the digital world.

Coming Home

Many months ago I went through my diary and found a totally free weekend! I plan my life out in great detail in my diary, if it’s not in there it doesn’t happen. I don’t bother taking appointment cards because to be fair they are just something else to lug around and I might as well write it straight into my diary.

So I decided that my free weekend would be best used on a holiday! Therefore me and boyfriend went camping this weekend– yes in March! When we booked it I hadn’t noticed it was Mothers Day, but actually this was quite apt. We went camping on a basic but nice campsite (the toilet was plumbed in and not a portaloo!), where we were the only tent, and as the weekend got wetter I saw why the other 10 or so groups there had brought caravans and parked at the top of the field.

Being long distance, me and boyfriend don’t go on many dates, but we got the tent up and went off to find a chippy before deciding a local pub made more sense and had burgers. Much to boyfriend’s dismay we couldn’t find a Weatherspoons though. [my proof reader says this is NOT TRUE!!]

By 10pm we were in our sleeping bags as it was so cold and we’d both forgotten to bring some cards. Though I remember talking about the colour of the sky, I’m so rural nowadays I’ve forgotten that light pollution in big cities changes the sky’s colour!
Saturday dawned well rained, but we ventured out of the tent when it stopped to eat cereal, make lunch and meander across the countryside to visit my uncle and auntie/Godmother and 2 youngest cousins in time for tea. We did manage on the way over to look at birds where I got accused of being my father’s child (Which I am!) and bought a dress for one of this year’s many weddings and a book. There were a few moments when I recognised where we were, memories of car journeys, or shopping for post-its.

We had a lovely evening and boyfriend even ate Indian food, and got to watch most of the rugby - even if he missed the tries due to eating. I called a lion a tiger and had a good catch up with the family. All too soon we had to head back to the cold tent where I didn’t sleep well and even woke up, middle of the night after dreaming about a huge meal being made for me but not getting to eat it, really hungry and the food was all in the car – a wet 5 meters away.

Sunday and the real reason we had chosen that area arrived. Though started with the trudge up hill will one of the favourite books of my favourite 22 month old going through my head. Which goes something along the lines of “Father Christmas needs a wee, he’s being drinking drinks since half past 3, at number 1, 1 hot choc – yum...”

Boyfriend and I were on MYE together back in 2007-2008 and our meetings were at a place I called home the first time I arrived in the car park. Yardley Hastings United Reform Church and Crossways Centre was the aim of our pilgrimage to Northamptonshire. We arrived a bit early so drove over to Castle Ashby to see the roads we used to walk in the middle of the night.

We rang the church doorbell and were greeted by Jenny who took a few moments trying to place us. It was so nice to be home, in a place that had mothered me. The service was lovely, the people as friendly as I remembered and the coffee hot! And we rewrote on the wall we’d written on years before.

Then it was time to leave again, we went into a local city window shopped for ages, drove round many many roundabouts and finally dropped boyfriend off at train station. This was not the end of the weekend though.

I drove from there to a road I used to live on to collect brother from work and take him to his house – via a pizza place (yummy tuna pizza) and we then decided to surprise our mum by driving up to see her for about 14 hours. She lives in a place I’ve never lived though it’s looking like I might in the future if I don’t get my act together and find a new job. We didn’t quite manage to surprise her liked we hoped as she arrived as I was trying to hide my car behind the house. But still it was a very lovely evening.

The next morning after dropping brother off at station and buying more petrol I drove home, to where I live, but you could say I never really left.

rural roads

One of the great things about living in a rural setting is that of the roads I get to drive on. When I first started working here I remember reading one of my churches’ website which said that the best route to our church is the first road after the junction, but you can go left on any road around there and you will find us. It’s the same when driving home; I could go a different route every day of the week. I get to see the sheep and count the number of times I go over and under the train line and the motorway. Keeps life interesting!

Our relationships are the same. We will all go different routes to different destinations. Some people have long engagements and that is right for them. We’ve decided to wait till we are ready to get married and have a relatively short engagement. So in many people’s understanding me and my boyfriend are engaged.

Today is a day that things are a bit upside down, and I thought about proposing. But as we aren’t ready to get married within the next year (well as far as I know) then it would be silly as that is not the road we have decided to go down. On my drive home from the local city I could turn left down 6 different roads. We aren’t just by the right junction yet, we could go down it, but it wouldn’t be right for us right now.

So we keep going down the courtship road till we are ready, it shouldn’t be about a day that only occurs once every 4 years – and to be honest I’d quite like to be proposed to, with a ring and a him down on one knee.

It reminds me of how we got together. There was a point a couple of months before we got together that we were close – I wondering what if we got together, but the time wasn’t right. We got to a point where we realised why are we not together – and that was the start of us!

So even though today is the day as a woman I’m ‘allowed‘ to propose, me and my boyfriend are still on our journey and have many pretty roads to see, sheep to watch and bridges to count.