This morning I read a blog about marriage by Dr Kelly Flanagan. Which can be read here. It started me thinking.
It should come as no surprise to most of you that I am a bit marriage obsessed. I use the word marriage, though sometimes it’s the wedding I fixate on, I know the colour of the dress of my six bridesmaids, I know which songs I want to sing, I have even started noting things to add to my gift list.
This morning’s blog made me wonder if I want to be married for the right reasons. I’ve found a man who makes me happy, who makes me feel safe, who I think is very sexy, and I want to spend my life with him. When written like that it does sound selfish.
Debbie Macomber is one of my favourite authors currently, it’s her fault I’ve become obsessed with knitting. (Yes I get obsessed easily). She uses social media to continue the conversation in her books – I’ve blogged about her before on the MWiB blog, here. She recently shared a love story that of her parents and invited others to share theirs. They basically went, we met in a place, something happened, we got together and are still married so many years later. Now I could tell you how me and boyfriend got together, the first year of our friendship ended (a year and a day after we met) with us become boyfriend and girlfriend. But that is not really the love story. The five years since are more the story of us, than the time before we were together. The stories of the first time each of us said the L word are more romantic. Just so you know, He first told me he loved me when I’d driven for 5 hours to surprise him at the Methsoc Christmas Meal, and as I was preparing to drive off the next noonish time and he said those powerful, scary three. I remember being shocked, but am not sure my actual response. We said goodbye, I drove to the next village and rang my best friend! It was only a week or so later when I said it back. We spent time sitting on my bedroom floor, sharing secrets, and when I felt he truly knew me and still liked me then I knew I loved him.
Being long distance for most of our relationship has pushed and challenged us at times, but I believe has brought us closer together. We talk more, as that is our way of showing our love to one another (love languages author Gary Chapman has things to say on that here). I believe it has made us stronger. We did live in the same house for three months when he started his OPP job and hadn’t found anywhere to live.
Though only just over a year ago it seems ages ago, and long distance during university –as it lasted longer – feels more of who we are.
So why do I want to get married? Dr Kelly talks about letting your walls down to let someone else in. For me that was how I knew I loved him, when I was vulnerable and knew he would still give me a cuddle and tell me he loves me.
I want to get married as I’ve found someone who loves me for who I am, who lets me be vulnerable, who cries when I cry and who goes all health and safety about cables as he knows it bothers me. [I’ve been informed that isn’t romantic it’s the law!] Someone who makes me want to be a better person, as that is who he deserves to be with. He thinks I’m beautiful, and gives me confidence. I know I do the same for him.
Is that selfish?
I’ve also made lots of big grown up decisions recently, sometimes it would have been really lovely if I hadn’t had to do that all by myself. I also hate washing up, and am rubbish at cooking for one, but really loved cooking for both of us.
What is a marriage about? Two people, deciding to love one another every single day. Through the ups and downs. My favourite part of the wedding ceremony is the promises made with the rings –
I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
How beautiful. Giving all that you are, and sharing all that you have.
I don’t have answers. Maybe I am being selfish, maybe I’m obsessed as I think marriage will make me happy. Do I idolise marriage? I don’t think I’ve got rose tinted glasses on. I understand living with anyone isn’t always easy. I know that Boyfriend’s happiness is what I need to strive for, rather than my own, though in the same way he is striving for mine and nothing is really totally altruistic.
Dr Kelly has an ebook. Maybe I should read that!