When did you realise it was ok to ask for what you need?
I totally get there are times when it's important to accept what is put before you, but your happiness, needs and boundaries are important too.
About 18 months ago, when I was about half way through my full time training, I was sent on placement. One day I was having a walking lunch with the one of the clergy at the church. They made some comment like "I assume you are ok walking and eating, cos you'd have told me if you weren't, you don't get to this stage without being able to do that."
No one before had ever given me that explicit permission to say what I need. Or at least expect that I knew that.
I wonder how many times I've played nice to not rock the boat, and so much with food! We teach children the take it or leave it are the options at meal times, but also that a clean plate is a sign of being polite. (And also "earns" you pudding)
I even went as far as eating BBQ pizza when everyone knows you don't mess with the classic tomato base. And that was with a very close friend who totally wouldn't have minded, and didn't when I stopped eating it and explained, cos I realized if I couldn't tell them then who could I?
So often we play nice when really those around us would much prefer to give us what we desire.
It's not just about food. There is so much in life where I know I've played nice, not rocked the boat and made myself uncomfortable in the process. But I have permission, and not given to me by anyone else but just because I'm a human with as much right as every other one to take up space and be authentically myself.
I have lots of thoughts about when driving the motorway in my small car that I have as much right as the big cars to overtake and get where I want to and need to be. Just cos I'm (insert reason one might feel unimportant here)... small, young, new, female doesn't mean I don't matter.
We just have to learn to give ourselves permission to take up space, and be our wonderful selves!
If this were a sermon or a theological reflection there would be something here about us ALL having the image of God dwelling within our very being. And having that divine image within us grants us, as all of creation, the right to space and love and respect and to be known for who we truly are - beautiful creations of the almighty creator. Here ends the sermon.
So just incase no one has ever told you, know that you have permission to draw your own boundaries, to say what you need and don't want. And speak out, cos playing nice is all well and good but the world is a better place when you can be authentically you: a happier, healthier, more confident you.
