The importance of names

I do a tricky job, I'm on show most of the time, need to watch what I say and do, and who I am is a big part of that. 

I've asked at work to be called Rach. I've been doing this consistently now for 6 years and longer at 1 off events 

When I worked in the student world most of the time this really wasn't a problem but out in the adult world its apparently too informal, improper and people just won't. 

Now this isn't about the people who do it accidentally, they apologize, it's fine, we all slip into bad habits. 

But so many (mostly elderly) people tell me, "but Rachel is such a lovely / biblical name." Or "I can't call you Rach, I'm going to call you Rachel." Or best "I'll be the only one who calls you Rachel" oh I wish!

Then I check their name and it's short for something, or it's their middle name. But it's not the full name their parents gave them. 

And I smile and say that's ok, and make a joke about how formal we'll both be by using the full names, but generally call them what they asked to be called cos names are important and I don't want to be petty, I just want to be Rach.

I know it's not the end of the world, but respecting people enough to use the name they ask to be called by is important and respectful and it's never up to us to decide what we want to call someone when they have asked for something else. I know there have been times I've shortened people's names when they prefer the full version and for that I'm sorry. Cos it's not until I was regularly and purposely ignored that I really noticed how much I care about what I'm called. 

Let Love be Real

I'm in the last stages of preparation to be a probationary minister. In early September I'll be welcomed to my new circuit and I've been invited to choose a hymn for that service.

I wondered about come with me come wander (which fits September 4th lectionary well so I'm keeping that for then) or Come all you Vagabonds which has some powerful words of inclusion but have settled on Let love be real by Michael Forster (615 in StF). It's simple and profound and goes to Danny boy. Here are my top 6 reasons for requesting it.

1. "Let love be real" If the ministry I live out is about love then I've done good.
2. "Give me your hand" I had it at my wedding so feels like a good one for a place where Husband is to be welcomed too

3. "Give me your strength when all my words are weakness." It's full of powerful words, like this phrase which have been quoted by my best friend when I've been struggling with essays. I've sung them beside multiple people I love and are my commitment to my churches that together we find God's strength in one another.
4. "As God loves us." It's never about us, but first that we are loved by God. I'm so glad that my call to ministry is not about me, but about who God calls me to be - "make us brave to be what we might be"

5. "so let us love each other" There was a significant moment in April I was driving to the pastoral committee at my link church, at that meeting knowing I was leaving there were many moments I wanted to help but couldn't, yet on the drive over the travel news mentioned an accident in the town I'm moving to and my heart just went "that's my place to love." It's amazing after being matched with somewhere I hardly know I'd already committed to loving it.

6. "Just open hands and space to grow." I'm new, to ministry and have a lot to learn so hope this is a place where I can make mistakes and learn and grow, and the same should be true of the churches.Maybe also the line - "give me your trust when all my failings show" the Methodist Church is putting a lot of faith in me!

I look forward to what September has in store and singing that song with all its many meanings in my new circuit as together we learn to love in God.

Reasons I hate Mothering Sunday

It’s Mothering Sunday soon and I hate it.

I hate it cos I don’t have kids and its one of many Sundays of the year this is pointed out to me.

I hate that I hate it too, cos I love my mother, mother-in-law, and my grandmothers, my Godmothers and the other women (and non-women) who mother me.

I hate it cos when I say I hate it someone will undoubtedly tell me that I mother people in my own way and I don’t need kids, either biological or adopted to mother and that I’m such a nurturing character.

I hate it cos someone will undoubtedly tell me their miracle story of how they became a mother.

I hate it cos it means I hate flowers and every other day of the year I love being given flowers by people who love me, but these ones are look-you-don’t-have-children-daffs.

I hate it cos the church somehow thinks its important to have female preachers that day.

I hate it cos there are so many other reasons people struggle with it as well as childlessness and its rough on most of us one way or another.

This Sunday, thankfully I don’t have to go to church, but that is probably the last time I can get away with that. So I'll look after myself at home.