Many weeks ago, when I first knew my truely wonderful family member was near the end her life and I was going to get to visit her in hospital I went to my favourite local bookshop to ask for a cosy book.
I had previously loved Clare Pooley's the people on platform 5, (still the best book I've read this year) so Bert recommended The Authenticity Project.
Its taken me weeks to read as in the midst of preemptive and then present grief I've found reading really tough and reading 2 chapters at a time beyond me. I've been sad about this cos I've recaptured my love of reading through hanging out at the book shop, and had any many books for my birthday.
But in the last couple of weeks and mostly cos I've spent hours on trains so I've been able to power through and I've devoured chapters and chapters and last night finished that book.
Grief is interesting in that I'm finding it's making me both more numb but also more emotional. In both, I guess, it's the rawness.
This book was lovely but not as cosy as I'd hoped. And the ending just got me. I sat having finished the epilogue and needed a minute. Our pillow talk that night was all about Julian and Monica and Hazard and the others. The world any book draws you into is sometimes an escape but this one has very gently sat alongside my own grief and life.
Also yesterday afternoon I went to see Marvels and wow that scene, the musical music, the sound effects, the acting, and then the weightnessless, it just moved me.
I feel a different person: more raw, more emotional, more aware, and more sad. My work capacity is hopefully growing as I move towards that busy season. But I still need to journey gently.
Now which book next?
