Grieving (1)

I'm currently grieving a truely wonderful family member. Someone who loved me so well and brought joy, passion and justice to all that she did. 

I'm a mix of all the expected emotions.

I'm away at college and so have had to tell a number of people, and the conversation multiple times today has gone like this. 

Them "hey Rach how are you?"

Me "oh not great, my relative died yesterday"

Them "I'm so sorry"

Me "that's ok, actually it's not ok, it's really crap. Anyway how are you?"

Basically I need to learn to say thank you when someone tells me they are sorry rather than trying to make them feel better. It's ok serves no one.

Grief is tricky, especially when it's fresh and raw, I guess also when it's not but that's not today's issue in this case. 

I don't wanna do the same as those conversations and try to make this blog have a happy ending, cos I'm devastated but also since I found out I've been held by people who love me, been sent chocolate biscuits and been glad to spend time with others also grieving the same person. 

So I can, as I must learn to do, be thankful, but also it's really crap.