Friday, 12 June 2015

Learning to be Married

Just a warning before you spend a couple of minutes of your life reading this - I'm not sure this blog has a point! Really all I'm doing is keeping track of some of the changes that have happened since getting married.

But first I need to start where I last stopped – with my lent blogs that I didn't get round to writing...

My theme for lent – which I very obviously didn't manage to blog about – was companionship. I spent time with colleagues and friends at our conference, I moved in with a family for a few nights – re-earning my name “night time Rachel.” Someone joined my knitta natta group, making a spectacular two regular members, went to MWiB forum and the last ever World Mission Forum and finally I got married!

So now I'm learning to be married. A friend of mine, just before he was about to celebrate his first wedding anniversary told me that the wedding plans is good preparation for marriage – learning to combine the two families and work together as a team. He was right.

Firstly, as the answer to the question I've been asked the most (“How's married life?”) Married life is so far so good!

There are many things I'm learning and that are changing. We are much more different than I ever knew. There's a whole blog in introversion / extroversion if/when I get round to writing it.
One of the things I've noticed is that we ball socks differently!
I didn't even realise there was more than one way to ball socks!
I ball socks completely, whereas Husband just balls them slightly and leaves a tail.
Matching up odd socks is my job – along with the sorting, washing and putting away of clothes. I now ball socks in both methods, mine my way and his his way.
Part of it is for practical reasons – my socks are colourful and are easier to tell apart from the ball, Husband's are mainly black with coloured heels and his method means you can see which pair of socks they are still. So I've changed the way I ball socks – but only his. It's also about ensuring I'm not taking over, even if just a small way.

Has marriage changed me? Yes.

There are other things that have changed. My name is the most obvious thing. Though just to confuse most people I decided to be a Ms rather than a Mrs. It hasn't worked on somethings, for example I went to the Doctors to change my name, they photocopied my marriage certificate and never asked me about my title or actually my surname.
When talking to people about this I've had some very interesting responses.
One person did link feminists to terrorists... as they both push their views on other people, I'm not sure they really meant to compare me to a terrorist, but that is what happened!
“I'm a Miss and proud!” Good for you!
“Isn't that just for divorced people” No – and I'm glad I can help educate you in this.
“Oh why are you doing that?”
Well it's about a choice. In the same way I chose to have the same surname as my husband and that that was to be the one he was born with. I've also chosen that my marital status shouldn't be important when all you know about me is my name. It's not that I am not proud to be married. Part of it is being inspired by my A level Psychology teacher, who was the first Ms I met.
Also – while I'm on names what's with everyone saying “Hello Mrs New-Surname” It means I have to remember their surnames to reply “Hello Mr/Mrs/Rev ...” and makes conversations much more formal.

I like being married, I like being Ms New-Surname and most of all I love not being in a long distance relationship anymore.

Things have changed, and I've changed, and most of all I now ball socks differently!

PS – I've also started offering to go on walks, even when there isn't ice cream – it's strange this marriage-lark.

1 comment:

  1. Ace blog as always Rach, I think it does have a point - several in fact. I think it's great to highlight that we're always learning how to be in relationship with people (whether at a knitting group or sharing a house) and that it involves being open to their differences and not assume our ways are best (my boyfriend makes cauliflower cheese in such a different way to me and I too was amazed that there is another way). And I loved hearing about your responses to being a Ms :)
    Much love xx