I've been thinking for a while - What does it mean to be an adult?
By many standards I am; I'm in my mid-late 20s, married, own a house, have a car, have my second graduate job and know I could look after a pet if I wanted one, which I don't.
But really, I feel like I'm faking it.
There are days when I still don't manage to have three proper meals, and I'm certainly not getting my 5 fruit or veg a day.
I still leave it slightly too long between washing my hair too often.
I don't jump out of bed like the child in me thinks adults do to ensure everything is done before I have to leave the house – the reality is that I drag myself out of bed with just enough time to pick up most of the things I need for the day and get out of the door to work.
I don't pray as often as my spiritual director would like me to.
My work-life balance never seems to be, well, balanced.
My teddy bear still sleeps in my bed with me and my husband.
My house is and always has been messy.
I'm hoping it isn't just me...
I read an article that really annoyed me the other day.
It's about parents dropping their children off at school in their pjs – I'm going to leave judgement on that as I often went to lectures or the library at University with a hoody and jeans thrown over my pjs, I wasn't an adult then though so I think that is expected.
The line that annoyed me most was “But perhaps most importantly of all, [getting dressed] creates the reassuring illusion that grownups are vaguely in control of life rather than constantly defeated by it.”
Are we in control of life and if we aren't why do we have to keep up an illusion for children or for each other that we are?
I know I could keep my house tidy if I really wanted to. I'm sure that is because I'm lazy rather than just rubbish at being an adult – but child me was sure all adults liked tidying! I guess it all comes down to priorities, for example my washing pile is generally kept at a manageable size and husband always seems to have clothes to wear for work, whereas I have so many clothes I'd have to be in a really bad state for me to run out.
Often as children the things they look forward to is, having the money to buy all the sweets they want and being able to choose their own bedtime. The former is all good, but the latter I'm not sure I'm responsible enough for that.
I remember a few years ago been given some advice in my preaching which was to "be real" so that is what I'm doing.
I'm hoping I'm not on my own.
This isn't really a confession but more of a declaration.
I'm an adult but I haven't mastered everything yet.
I've not got everything as together as I thought I would have.
But that's ok!