clothes, lights and graces

How is it that we manage to turn relatively small things in to big things?

I'm not really into fashion - actually if anything now a days I try to buy all my clothes from charity shops or fair trade traders but some how deciding what to wear has always been complicated. Back in my days at sixth form - which was the first time I really had to choose what to wear regularly my mum used to come in to my room every night and help me decide what to wear the next day.

Back in 2009 I was on placement in a school and spent quite a bit of time talking to my supervisor about clothes in relation to power, as a non-teacher I had a different relationship with the pupils, they called me Rachel for example, but my clothes also reflected that - so much so that one day a was told off for sitting on a windowsil by someone who thought I was a sixth former. Though at my own high school I got told off for wearing trainers with black trousers and jumper as I looked like a KS4 pupil when I was a sixth former and allowed to wear trainers.

I've spent a disproportionate amount of time in the past 26 hours thinking about what I will wear tomorrow, strange isn't it?

The other small think that happened today was that one of the bulbs went in my house and consequently I had to find the fuse box as it had blown the whole lights system. Might sound small and insignificant, but was a first for me.

I asked someone earlier why we make small things so big, and his response was something along the lines of cos we have control of it, and he was right. This past weekend I was at a conference which I'll go into properly soon, but of all the jobs I had that weekend saying the grace before tea/dinner on Saturday night was the thing that stressed me most, just like deciding what to wear. I think that's cos I have control of it, and it's something I can prepare. I know I'm a bit of a control freak, in the bossy way rather than a perfectionist, but I'm also a know it all, and always have been.

This is yet another blog where I've got to this point and realised I don't have an ending, I could go down the line of handing it all to Jesus, and not worrying. Or use the illustration of a feather in the wind, floating gently.
But instead I will just say night night, I survived grace and have my clothes sorted for tomorrow and the rest will just have to be what it is, and hopefully I can be the best me I can be.